A TOAST-MASTER'S QUEER DUTIES.

Mataura Ensign, Issue 841, 17 January 1901, Page 4

A TOAST-MASTER'S QUEER DUTIES.

It is probably known to very few even amongst regular diners at public banquets, bow many and varied are the duties as necessary to the successful performance of his duties as are good lungs and an imposing appearance.

The general impression is that the big voiced man who majestically stands behind the chair of the president of the banquet has only to announce in stentorian tones : ' My Lords and Gentlemen, be pleased to charge your glasses.' That is one part of his work which appears on part of the surface, and it is a tribute to the skill of toast masters in general that so little is known of their other performances. The writer, who recently at dinner sat next to a well known toast-master retained by one of the principal London restaurants, prevailed upon him to talk of sonic of his duties which do not obtrude themselves upon the diners. It appears that to be a first-class toast-master, an excellent memory is indispensable ; faces must be remembered, and tiles have to be accurately borne in mind ; peers, cabinet minister members of the Privy Council, and Members of Parliament must all be stored away and doketed in the minds of the few good toast-masters, ready to be produced as soon as the guests make their appearance at the door of the reception room before dinner. It is sometimes impossible not to mix two faces in one's mind, and that is a difficulty men with the best of 1113mories cannot overcome.

If a toast-master finds himself in so awkward a situation, that astute gentleman does not look at the man, whom he has probably announced scores of times, and ask him his name for fear he would receive the somewhat obvious reply, ' Surely you know me?' He adroitly turns his head away, and bending down with his hand to his ear he asks, ' Your name, sir ? The guest, assuming that his face bad not been noticed, will thereupon give the information, and his name will be announced as he is greeted by the chairman. Occasionally it happens that a verbose gentleman in proposing a minor toast, will be so overcome by his own eloquence that he cannot, or has no desire to, cease boring his hearers.

It would be discourteous to call upon him to stop, so the toast-master is quietly informed, or, more often than not, sees for himself, that the chairman does not desire the particular speech to be continued. Then the true artist comes in. A few gentlemen in various parts of the room will be quietly requested by the T. M. to give a good round of applause at the conclusion of the speaker's next peroration. This is done, and before the chefj subside the stentorian ycice' of the T.M. will announcing, ' My Lord«,; int | Gentlemen, pray silence for -your chairman." The speaker sits down in confusion, calls the T.M. and remonstrates with him. That wily individual apologises (with his tongue in his cheek) for his stupidity, and metaphorically kicks himself, and so makes his peace with the gentleman who probably thought the wcrld was waiting open-mouthed to hear his words of wisdom.

Occasionally it will happen that one of the diners will choose his liquid refreshment without judgment, or will take it too freelyovith the result that he is inclined to be noisy. Then again, the T.M., like the captain of a ship, will take in the situation with his practised eye. If he considers a further mixture of drinks will send the unwelcome guest to sleep, he orders the wine steward to make the necessary arrangements to induce slumber. If, however, he thinks that remedy will not fit the case, he decides to get the gentleman quietly removed, for to do things quietly and without ostentation is part of his art.

One way of accomplishing this is to approach the table at which the obnoxious person is seated and blandly inform him that a gentleman desires to speak with him at the door of the dining-room. If necessary it is stated the mythical personage will not enter as he is in morning dress. The innocently impassive countenance of the T.M. readily overcomes any suspicion which might be entertained hy the victim, who rises to the bait of the accomplished angler and goes to the door, but alas, not to return ; for as soon as he has crosse-1 the threshold his re-entry into the diningroom is barred by an adequate force of polite, but firm persons, who have been told to see the guest off the premises.

If an argument- ariso.creven if there be a scrimmage, no matter ; numbers tell, the diners are not disturbed, and the harmony is maintained owing to the efforts of the man in the holm.