An Eye for Everything.

Mataura Ensign, Issue 19, 10 August 1895, Page 2

An Eye for Everything.

• [By Cvcloi's] What a week we hive had I Just consider for one brief moment, ye denizens of this this sanguinary village, what a giddy time you have been having since last we matArbor Day. Football Match, Temperance Convention, Pastrystruggle, and a lectureon ash-boxes and orange peel, besides several other minor dissipations, suoh as a Council meeting and S.M. Court, all packed into one short week— it's enough to knock the mental equilibrium of a philosopher off itshinges and even I so far forgot myself in the intoxicating whirl of delirious gaiety, as to wear twS separate and distinct collars since last Sunday. lam just now engaged chastising tha feline.and debating whether I shall obliterate myself from the kenof man until those collars return from the laundry, or wash my neck. No rope of colored remnants flaunted its gaudy dependents to the sighing breezo, no silken garments of fair ladies rustled through the archway of these^waroises, no Mayor and corporation woks the welkin With thoir resounding martial tread upon our marbls entrance hall on Arbor Day, but minus even Scribe or Pharisee, we got thera just the same. J Oa Tuesday night, on his way home, ono • ot our staff found an orphaned macrocarpa shivering in the biting blast, and huddled for shelter 'neath a friendly hedge. Our » ™ s "Seed heart was touched at the sight. "Mac," thought he.'as tenderly as the nature of his occupation would permit, *' I'll taka you home, and wa shall to-morrow plant you within the sound of the compositor's glorious oratorio, where you will bask in the seraphic smiles of the cherubic band of guileless children who moisten stamps and emboss wrappers in the ante-room." At 9.30 a.m. on Wednesday morning, tho staff assembled in tha back yard, each member clothed in Sunday trousers and righteousnets for the occasion. It waß a solemn and a touching sight to sea them standing around the tiny shrub, with tha cool morning breeza playing upon their venerable beards aod storm-tossed faces, while the trilling lark poured out its soul in melody far over their heads. Amid silence deep and profound, tha roots of the infant tree were restored once mora to mother earth, and the staff went home to change its pant?. The Temperance Convention was a colossal success. Parsons and persons who cama from north, south, east, and west, passed resolutions to tha effect that whisky was rank poison, and that the Premier was a well, a prevaricator and a rogue, and then went on tbeir way rejoicing. Though I am not a frantic admirer cf the Hon. Seddon's by any manner if means, I must really protest against tha manner-"in which nearly eveiy speaker— parson and layman—consistently abused tha hon. gentlemarj. Ba he a knave or shuffler, therejfs no real moral courage in telling hrn so from a distance of 500 miles or more. The Temperance party, l believe, have on several occasions bad personal interviews with the Premier, and even tha brave and daring Tommy Taylor did not venture to say " Mr Seddon you are a liar and a shuflW." Thorn is, I trow, knows a trick worth two of that, but ho has said it in effect since, many a tiraa, but usually in ibo Premier's absence. If iha Prohibitionist cause is a ligbteous one, all tbe more raneon is it tbat they should eiuplujr tbo weapons of warfare usually employed by men. We went to tbe football match on Wednesday afternoon. I say we advissdly, because I was accompanied by tha prospectiva Mrs Cyclops. I may say, for tha edification of my readers, that my brother was oyer ears in love with this lady -so was I; and, as my ears were the biggest, aha smiled upon my suit, and dropped a few tears of joy on my resouuding shirt front. We got on to the football ground just as tho band was driving away dull care and everything also from the top end of the paddock. Jenkins kicked tha ball while Fred Wallis was fixing his braces.and then the row began. Some of the Town men sneaked away with the ball, but Bob Scott took a fall out of one tbem and ha immediately put the ball down. Miller was dozing off placidly, dreaming probably of far-distant Lumsden and rabbits, when the ball rattled up against his ribs and he awoke with a start. A diminutive town youth next trotted down the Hdo with the ball, but Cameron fall on his neck, and ha gave the ball back to the referee. McLennan persuaded the referee to giva it to him, and he flaw towards the goal posts like a frightened deer. Some ill-disposed person trod on his toe as be flew ptst, and poor Mao disappeared into tha yawning depths of a water-hole. Ha was eventually dragged on shore, and after animation had been restored to his apparently lifeless form, the carnage proceededWhen nobody was looking, Cameron took the ball from tho Tana man, and after knocking the wind out of Fountain, scoreda try. A little while later, the refereo blew the knock-off whistle to giva the combatants a chanca to look up missing teeth, and other trifles they may have lost while amusing themselves, and when everything was ready-, f or a fresh start, Wallis had a kick at the' ball and lad his lambs to the slaughter. I was unable to wait for the finish of tha struggle, but I have since heard that tha Town team were boss dogs by about 12 points. OF course I went to the tea meeting on Wednesday night, and although I did not have the uproarous time I anticipated, I diposed of a large and well-assorted lot of pastry before I tore myself away. With an appetite'sharpened by the exertions of the day, I arrived at tbe hall just as doors opened, and managed to secure a seat in f romt of a promising display of edibles. On my right hand were rock-cakes, on my left enamelled jam-sandwich, while straight in front of me were the ordinary sandwiches of every-day use, together witb a small lot of burnished sausages-rolls. The signal to start was not given for some considerable time, and tha young lady opposite me grew so weary that every time she yawned I could see her inmost thoughts. The flag fell at last, and I got away with a good strong lead of half a bun, I was contemplating negotiating a rock cake until I heard one drop on the floor, and then I passed. The sausage-rolls were excellent, but on each occasion I failed to unearth the sausage. At the first bite I took, I had not come to it, and at the second I had passed over it. However, I am not disposed to argue upon this point, but I expect I eot a number of sausages equivalent to the number of casings I consumed. After listlessly toying with several other — specimens of culinary art, a hungry crowd of late comers gaz?d upon me, and then at tha fast diminishing supply of "tucker," with looks of anguish and despair ; so, grabbing the last surviving sausage-roll and my hat. I transferred my cake-lined person to without the precincts of the building. At the usual weekly meeting of the spiritualistic circle in which I have the honor of being a member, and after the minutes of tha previous meeting had been read and confirmed tba bagpipe soprano of Bobby Burns was heard in the interior of the medium. We got the dulyqualified stenographer undor weigh, with the following result :— FROM ROBERT IN HEAVEN. [R. B. to T. T. X.] Hoo dare ye, sir, sac much defame me ? Your rhymin' blethers fairly shame ma 1 • I ken na what tha folks will think ; Nae doot they'll swear I was in drink, To writa sic trash, and that frae Hades, Whaur there is neither drink or ladies. But ye're far wrang, I'm noo forgiven. An' lang I've bcm up here in Heaven, Wi' Pope an' Steele, an' mony a poet, An' Byron too : but then ye know it, If as ye say ye hold converse Wi' spirits fraa thia universe. I'vo just this minute left good Gordon A fiahin' in the river Jordan ; An' I asked him if it 'twas true He ever was acquent wi you. He gave the answer clear an' cool i " I ne'er hold conversa wi a fool." So that I think your brain's bemuddled. Or on Goro beer ye haa got fuddled. Ma certie, but ye've lots o' brass, Tne try an' mak' me oot an ass ; I tell ye, frean, had I been where The Bonnie Doon rins doon by Ayr, An' seen your rhymes, I'd lashed ye sair, But here amang the great an' good I maun behave— that's understood. But had I been on eartb, I'll swear. In metaphor, I'd raiße your hair, For I wad lash ye wi' satire, Until ya'd think yo'ro heid afire. But hare I maun wi angels sing, An' daurna lash ya, Mr K ; But tak* advice, an' ne'er again E'er write a screed to gie ma pain, .» Or I'll forget I am in Heaven, «B An' ye will wish ye were na livin'. Tak' tent an' keep to sortin' letters, An' no gang meddlin' wi your betters.-. > I finish up thia screed to you. An', Mr K , adieu 1 adieu 1

O. W. O. Hardman, Sheriff of Tyler Co., W. Va,, appreciates a good thing and does not hesitate to say so. He was almost prostrated with a cold when he procured a bottle of Chamberlain's Couph Remedy. He says : "It gave 'me prompt relief. I find it to be an invaluable remedy for coughs and oolda." —For sale by Mr D. B, Esther, Gore.