Flotsam and Jetsam.

Mataura Ensign, Volume 17, Issue 17, 19 April 1895, Page 6

Flotsam and Jetsam.

CHAKITY. He wlio sits And looks out on the palpitating world And feels his heart swell ia him l&Tgo enough To hold all' men within it, he ia near Hiy great Creator's standard, though he dwells ' • , Outeicb tho palo of churches and knows not A IV.ast day fioin a fast day, or a lino Of Scripture even. What God wants of us la that outreaching bigness that ignores All littlenesß of aims or loves or creeds Aud claspa all earth and heaven in its embrace, Elia. Whbbi-er Wiloox. A LUCKY DOG. Scene : The Restaurant. Snavelli (from GattiV, of course), Strand. Dobson : ' Here, waiter, look at this cockroach in my soup !' "Waiter : » Veil, I nevare, save, you v:ia in luck's vay ' (dropping his voice to v whisper), ' soup vid meat trown in vas not often happen at zis resUxurant.' WHITE-HANDLED RAZORS. There are many barbers who will nob own a white-handled razor because of an old superstition that bad luck goes with iv. A razor is to the barber what a locomotive is to the engineer, and thoie are more things to learn about it than one would suppose. For instance, there are rozors that will cut certain qualities of hair better at certain seasons than at others. Climate and weather bave a great deal to do with razors. Some will cut better in cold weather and some in hot. Theae , are only a few of tho causes that affect razors, and they and many more all f tend to make the barber who does much work keep accumulating razora until he has all sorts to pick from. MARRIED OR SINGLE? One of the ways of tolling whether a mun i« a married mau or not ia to examine his pockets. In the pockets of a bachelor you will find : — Half-a-dozen letters from girls. A tailor's bill. Three or four old checks for theatre seats. Bills for supper. Theatrical-looking photograph . A lot of invitations to dances, dinnerß, and receptions. A tiny glovo scented with violet. Bat the married inan'a pocket will contain : — An old bill. A couple of unposted letters which wore given him to post a wesk past. A uample of an- impossible shade which he must match. A nowspaper clipping telling a sure cure for croup. A shopping list ranging from a box of blacking to three yards of lac?. Bills. More bills. AT A CHINESE BANQUET. I A wealthy Chinese merchant of San Francisco gavo a banquet recently to some prominent New York gentlemen, with whom he had bu3inesi relations, and many are the wonders told of the feaat. Delicacies which to tbe American palate were uneatable were mingled with the moat delicious viands. Some of them were easily recognised, while others were as strange and uoaccouutablo as the native tongue of the host. Among the many sweets offered for dessert were oranges, of which the skin had apparently not been broken, yet from which the pulp bad somehow been mysteriously removed, half-a-dozen sorts of jelly having been made to take its place. The gueßts were unable to understand how so delicate an operation had been accomplished ; but their aßtonishmont was increased when the next moment they were served with eggs of which the shells w.ere apparently perfectly whole, yet turned out to be full of nuts and candiea. Then another course of eggs, exactly similar in appearance, was laid before thuua, and when they broke tbe shells iiny live birds came flying out, and fluttored about the room. ' How in tho world is this managed V cue of the guests cried in astoniehment. ' Molican man heap emur! I ,' the host answered, with a laugh ; 'but Melican man no findee out allee tings in wo'lde, allee samee.' And that was the only satisfaction they could obtain. IIOVALIT'S FOrTR'FOOTED FRIEND. Tho late Czar possessed a huge boarhound, to which he was devotedly attached. The animal was presented to him by the King of Denmark, just after the railway accident at Bori, in wbicli tho Emperor lost a valuable dogf. Tho. hound slept by his master's bedpide, aod was always with tbe Czar in his audience chamber. If the dog growled afc anybody that entered, it is Biid ho was not well received by the Emperor, who often remarked : ' The do;j; knows my friends much better l.hjin 1 do.' The Queen of tho Belgians in a great lover of horses, and tai a remarkable talent for teaching her favorites nicka. Sho possesses a clever pony which can do no fewer than fifty. The Counter of JFlandere, too, is passionately fond of dog 3. She has six always with her, among them is a poodlo which is remarkably clever. Tho Shah of Persia posseses no fewer thau three thousand cuts, His favorite pu-B ' B »hr Kahn/ a beautiful Angora, vat« out of bis master's plate, The con.Mt'mt companion of the King of Gfcccj ia a sharp little mongrel dog, which attached itself to King George during some military manceuvrep, and refused to be aspirated from him. A FOOLISH PRANK. When General Thiebault, then a y^img man, was with tin IVench urmy in Italy, near the clofro of tho lint century, ho had for one of his co'nradea La Salle, si brilliant soldier, but. ctipiblo of oil manner of strange iwul foolish pranks. One suclf escapade i'! narrated by Thiebault in his memoirs, k cfiitly published. At thn iwnd of 'A srrwH body of ♦ i'ii ops Li Suile entered Perugia at nightfall, on his return from some

expedition. As ho rodo through one of the streets he noticed a houeo lighted from top to bottom. A passer-by told him that it was the residenca of Madam So-aud-So, a beautiful young widow, who was giving a ball to the elite of tbe city. La Salle was seized on the instant by one of those strange whims for which he was famous. He hailed his squadron, and, covered with dust as be was, rode to the door of the house, mounted the steps, and rodo into the hall. Then, at the risk of breaking his neck a hundred times, as Thiebault expresses i' : , he put bis horse to the marble' Btairß, and rode across tbe marble tiles of the second storey hall into the parlor. He entered the ball room 'at a gallop/ and took his place in the middle of the floor. Ho had plenty of room, for the dancers, as was naturally to be eipected, hastened to make way for him. The orchestra had stopped playing, bub he ordered them peremptorily to resume, and, still on horseback, he went through the quadrille. Then he helped himself to punch, gave his horse lemonade and cakes, went; to the window so that his men could see him, made a low bow to the widow and her guests, rode down the stairs and n joiDed his command in the street, where he was received with acclamations. Whether the beautiful hostess and her gay companions were able to resume their festivities, we are not informed. A LITTLE TROUBLE. 'Now, air,' said Mr G. De Lancy Wolverton, a young lawyer, who was ' growing up ' with the mighty west and who was about to experience the joy of having a first client, 'just tell me frankly and fully the nature of the case.' • Well, it's like this,' said the longlooked and hoped for client, ' I'm bavin' a leetle trouble that calls fer legal talent more'n it does fer a shotgun or I wouldn't trouble ye, In the firflt place, I want ter fight a divorce case, my first wife has went and atirred up 'cause she Bays the divorce I got over in Dakoty ain't legal. Then I want to got divorce papers out agin my socond wife fer runnin' away two weeks ago with a map peddler. Then I want ye to see what ye can do to keep my boy Jim out o' tho pen fer fastening on to a bunch o' cattle that didn't belong to f im. I want ye also to fight a promissory note case brung agin me and to hustle 'round an' get bail fer me if a feller I cracked over the head with a club a week ago shouldn't git well. I may have some trouble 'bout a piece o' prop'ty I sold that; didn't happen to b'long to me an' if I'm run in fer keepin' a little saloon without a license I'd want ye pull me through all right. Then I want ye to knock an 'tacbment off my personal prop'ty an' cl'ar me of a charge of stealin' a hors9 an' I'd like to borrow 50dols. jist tdr kind o' tide me over until — what ? Yo aint time to take my case 1 Blamed if I believe you've sense enough to handle a little trouble like miue if ye had time. I guess I'll hustle 'round and find a lawyer that knows his bizuess,'