By the Way.

Mataura Ensign, Volume 17, Issue 17, 9 November 1894, Page 3

By the Way.

— *. 53. ! Wales. ' Enters on his 54th year to-day. i He's getting an old boy now. Winton Eaces to-day and to-morrow. Gore sends out two cricket teams to-day — reoord. Eifle shooting matches at Gore and Invercargill. Wairarapa enquiry still proceeding at Auckland. Think like the wise but talk like ordinary people. To believe anything impossible is to make it so. He only is fit to command who has first learned to obey. Never laugh at your own wit ; leave that to the company. A man's own breast is the safest depository for his secrets. To forgive provocation is one of the proofs of a great mind. Never weary your company by talking too long or too frequently. China raises and consumes more ducks than any country in the world. Naturalists assert tbat a healthy swallow will devour 6000 flies every day. Burmese children of both sexes begin to smoke almost as soon as they can speak. It doesn't make a room any cooler to put a frieze round the walls. In Brazil a couple may be married by drinking brandy together. There was an old man, it ia said, Who was slightly deranged in the head, One night with a shout He blew himself out, And then put his canile to bed. To offer advice to an angry man is like blowing against the tempest. To covet much is misery ; to be content with sufficient is earthly felicity. All geniuses are egotists. It's a pity the rule doesn't work both ways. Desire to be useful, but be caref ul to estimate the value of tbe use. The hours spent in dozing and slumbering can hardly be called existence. | The mightiest results are brought about by the silent working of small j causes. To abound in all things, and not to know the right use of them, is positive penary. Consider the man who is always punctual— how much time he wastes waiting for other people. Eagman (at the back door)—" Got any rags to sell, sir ?" Facetious Besident— " Only what I've got on. If you want them you'll have to buy me, too." Eagman (backing down the steps)—" I'm only baying rags, I'm not the dustman." " Oh, my friends, there are . some spectacles that a person never forgets," said the rev. lecturer, after giving a graphic description of a terrible accident that he had witnessed. " I'd like to know where they get's 'em," remarked an old lady in the audience, who was always losing her glasses. A doctor in the Midlands reoently performed successful Burgioal operations for snoring. Stroking a sleeper's face with the fingers will, it is said, stop snoring. In West Africa, before a girl is married, she is placed in charge of ah old woman wbe cures her of snoring by closing her mouth. In Cincinnati University young ladies are taught to " sleep elegantly." The editor of a Transvaal paper, out of curiosity, reoently measured a few young Boers standing in front of the Petersburg Court-house. The list waß topped by a strapping fellow, aged 19, at 6ft 6_-in, and then came one at 6ft 4_in, five at 6ft 3in, four at 6ft 2in, and, seven j at 6ft lin, and three little ones at the level 6ft. That's a better average than even bush New Zealand can show. If Beeves' Undesirable Immigrants Bill had not been strangled James Levesque, a steerage passenger, who lost his wife, olothing, tools and money in the wreck of the Wairarapa, would now be in gaol, awaiting deportation to the place from whence he came, as a person landing without the amount of cash required by Eeeves' Bill. Mr John Burn*, M. P„ both because of his name and because he is of Scottish descent, ought to have something of the poet about him. Recently he was asked to contribute a verse to one of those albums which are the chief terrors of modern life. John wrote as follows:— Born in struggle, reared in strife ; Agitator all my life. Blessed with health ; my only wealth —My am gude wife. Not many years ago the Government of New Zealand spent money in induoing immigration. Now a poll-tax is virtually levied on immigrants by excluding them unless possessed of considerable means. Judging by the way in which people are now fleeing from the lately prosperous province, the Government expects to live by fleecing new chums.— Sydney ' Sunday rimes.' Good news for farmers. Sir John Lawes has observed that ever since 1834, every year wbich ends with the figure 4 has been an unusually fruitful one. A Georgia undertaker has adoptpd a novel method of increasing his business. He advertises :— " Funerals on the instalment plan. Two dollars a week will bury your best friend." Mr 3. A. Mason, late of Dalvey, won first prize at Christchurch Dog Show with bis setter bitch Maud 111, and also the champion pr ze as best sporting dog at the show. Tbe price of bicyles must come down, for a formidable rival has bflou invented. It is called the pneumatic skate. It has two wheel* 5_ inches in diameter, pneumatic tires — they weigh 3Alb, and are fastened on to the ankle by padded straps. With these skates pedestrians can glide swiftly along over any road where a bicycle can be ridden, and very fast time can be made with tlit»m. The price at present is L 3 per pair, so on the score of cheapness alone they will prove « formidable rival to the popular bike.

Tell not all you know ; do not all you can ; believe not all you bear ; spend uot all you have. Salvation Army item : Ensign Hayman, an African dwarf, and at one time a circus clown, has Deen transferred to New Zealand. The crops in the North Otago district are stated to be looking remarkably well, and the grass, notwithstanding tbe lengthened spell of dry weather, is holding out better than was expected. A Scotch minister lately held out as a warning to his congregation tbe case of an Aberdeen man who rode his bicycle on Sunday, with tho result that " be broke a blood-vessel Monday, went to hell Wednesday, and was buried Saturday." r ~