AN EYE FOR EVERYTHING.

Mataura Ensign, Volume 17, Issue 17, 9 November 1894, Page 4

AN EYE FOR EVERYTHING.

By Cyclops. A Okntlbma„ whose name is Crabb and whose mission is Temperance, has seriously injured the tcnuer susceptibilities of the 1 Ciutha Free Press,' wnich commences a notice of bis Balclutba meeting in tbe following rather remarkable fashion :— A crab ie a nondescript creature that lives and moves and has its being amongst the ooze that lies slimy in the tidal basins and estuaries near the seash ire. In the intervals between f> astmg upon such carrion as tbe restless tide brings within the limit of its narrow domain it either _es prone in the ooze, bediming itself with a frothy secret iob, or crawls into its hole to sleep off tne satieiy of a too generous appetite. It is an attribute of the crab to cr»wl sidewaji s and to tauten up n a»y p.eoe of carrion, uo matter how foui, tb-t comes in ita way. Iv this it revels legardless of the opinio;, of creatures higher iv the scale, l>t the crustacean hits a t>ard as well as a tough skin, It appeals tbat Crabb bad been " creeping sideways round the corners of our fair little hamet," and had come to tbo meeting primed with a nice little budget of local fairy ta'es, which he proceeded to spin with gusto, much to the dißguet of a portion of the audience and to the delight of the remainder. The editor very propeily pomts out tbat thi_ sort of thing is bringing Temperance on to rather a low plane. If Mr Crabb cannot find plenty of material for his lectures without retailing local gossip, it lays him open to the charge of having a poor subject and a migtity poor way of handling it. Mr Thomas Mackenzie, M.f1.8. — «'our Tom " — has also been getting into, and out of, trouble in regard to Temperance. It appears that in the course of the discussion on licensing legislation he made some pretty hot remarks on temperance agitators, Thr.ee rouaed the wrath of the Rev. J. D, Jory, the 'Chritian Outlook' and other authorities, and of comae hardly went down in tbe only Prohibition constituency. Mr Mackenzie on his return found a hornet's nest round bis ears. But the contest was not given, and his observations really referred to such gentlemen aB Clamuett, of blessed memory . Messrs McNab and Bell, both authorities on the temperance side of the House, gallantly came to Mr Mackenzie's re:-oue, the member for Mataura stating that hj could subscribe to all Mr Mackenzie bad had said j and not content with tbis the chosen for Ciutha intends to procure a thousand copies of bis speech and to flood the electorate with them, As a penance 1 The manager occasionally receives something original in tbe way ti correspondence. Here is a sample which he has passed along to me :— Sir,— l take up my pen to write you a few lines to see if you would have any chance ot getting me a place of service ub companion to a young or old lady or mother helper in a small family. 1 have been out eighteen month with a lady. I am a Jack of all trades. I caunob play any musiuk, oan eing a little, small wages 6s per week and one evening of the week to myself. 1 would like a place in Invercargill, I am 19_ years of age. I don't mean you to puolish it in your paper. I will pay you 2s 6a if you get the If not, no pay. 1 would like a place in an English or a Scotch family. lam used to town aud country Jite. 1 preler tbe town. So accomplished and accommodating a young lady should htvve no difficulty in getting suited. Her only conuitious absolutely inaibted on appear to be '» one night a week, and no Irißu need apply." Waimumu might be suggested as a likely locality. Will someone kindly enable the manager to earn that half-crown 1 and don't all speak at once. Times are hard indeed, Tbe latest story to aa their adamantine character is to the following tffdct. Evil days fell upon a once prosperous •• farmer's friend," and ha left for fresh fields. He had previous to departing issued cheques which he fancied would prttty well exhaust his credit balance at one of the local banks. On his teturn a few weeks ago, still ia a state of hardupedness,he bethought himself that there might be a sovereign or two available, and with pleasurable expectations ot the teller's enquiry as to whether he would take it in iiotes or gold he wended his way to the bank, made enquiries, and found tbat he was entitled to draw one penny. Only a " brown 1" And his dealings with the bank for the five or six years previous to his leaving ran a long way into five figures. He drew the copper, and it now forms an appropriate pendant to his watch chain. A correspondent haß handed me the following brief but expreisive note from the secretary of the Gore Cemetery to the sexton ;— Mr James Cook, Gore. Prepare grave in section — , block — , for bearer. John Shakes, Secretary Gorp Cemetery. Mr Shanks certainly scores one. I have j often heard such expreßsions as "Go and drown yourself," " Qo and be hanged," and similar objurgations with but slight variations ; and one little boy yesterday, when tho high wind removed my headgear and besides necessitating an undignified obaio tixpwd njy#bw»£ ommt v*B*»w4 w

" Get your hdr cm ! " but " G^t your grave dug" ia decidedly a novelty, and as such should be added to the' list. The nnassui/iing Brewer, the truoulecc Simeon und the sap maceous Martin have al indicated their willingness to fill the Mayoral chair. Three for the Mayoraltf— with tbe possibility until the 16#h of ft "dark horse '"— sounds like old times; and correspondence whioh has' already commenced to dribble in seems to presage ft nice, lively run. Personally the truculent member of the brigade would be OyolojM* choice if the election rested on hia vote, iot much " copy " could be depended on when his Worship did not boo eye to eye with, e»y» Councillors Poppelwell and Marti.,' Aad our present steady -going Mayor ;doee not supply any Cyclopean copy wortfif speaking about. Bat on polling day it must be remembered be Will have tbe , support of the fascinating Trembath and the greys, end what lady voter oeuld withstand snob m combination ? So there is, ac the sporting men put it, "nothing in it" at present between the two. As for, the soapy gentleman, he does not appear to hi in the running. '. , . ' '' i ' _________________?__, : ■' '