WIT AND HUMOUR.

Mataura Ensign, Volume 15, Issue 1192, 10 June 1892, Page 3

WIT AND HUMOUR.

You've got to raise tho wind if you want to be a heavy swell at the seaside. Rosalie--" What did Jack siy when you proposed to him?" Gr ioa— " He was too frightened to say anything— 30 silonoa gave consent." Irate German, to st,-an?er who his stepped on his toe—" Mien frenb, I know n?y feet vas mean* to ba valkei on, but cbt brivileze belongs to me." She—" It's a bull, and he's oomin* here straight to v«. Wh \t sh»ll we do ?"> He— " Well, don't stand there doing nothing. Come and help me to climb this tree." Visitor—" I hear your new preacher is a man of indomitable will and wonderful energy." Hjstess— " Indeed, ha U. Ha has started to convert the choir.- j M>bel — "Haven't I fold you a hundred times not to kiss me!" Jacques— '• Ye», I supposa you have." Mabel—" Well, if yon knew how hard it was for me to say it you wouldn't make me do ifc. M Aunt "Esther was trying to persuade litt?« Erldy to retire at sunset, using as an argu-nent that the little ohiokeni went to xooet at that time. " Yes," sai-i Eddy, « but the old hen always goes with them." " Nannie," called a fond raotber to her young daughter, " get up ; it'sfnine o'clock You cannot possibly need so muoh sleep." " Mamma," called a muffled voioe, " don't; you know this is leap year P" Mother—" Boy«, what are yon doing *p there in that pear-tree ?" Willie—" Charlie wanted to pick some pean " Mother— "And what were you doing?" Wi'lie— "l was trying to perauade him not to " Tommy—" Mr Wilkinson, ain't you shaped ]vat like other men?" Mr Wilkinson— " I suppose so, Tommy. Why P " T ; ramy— d i? pa Bays you ain>t exactl 7 Bf J »re, and Belle says you saem to be always 'round." She— » Don't you think you had better have a shine? Your shoes are very dingy." He—" Why, they don'fi need it ; they are patent leather." She—" The patent must have expired ; hadu't you better get it renewed?" A very poor actor having played the part of the ghost in " Hamlet" for many years, &<phir, the German wir, on soeing him, said, " It would be a good thing if this man givn up the ghost, so thnt somebody else could take his part." " Is tho dos: m»d ?" he asked tho boy, as the animal dnshe.i by. " I reckon he is," replied the bor. " I just see a butoher take a piece o' mest away fro-n him an i kick him six feot in'io tho air. Wouldn't you be mad if that was dona to you ?" " Oh," exclaimed Mis» B , " what a olevor man Mr G. ij ! He is really quite a physiognomist. I was telling him last evening that I hid become quite profioient in painting, and he said, 'I am sure of ft, madam ; your face showa it.' " Ohorus— " Indeed ! " Feathorstone— " I tall you, old nun, you ought to bo in with a girl like Mias GrosgMin. Her father travels a great deal, and while he is away, we have a lovely time." Ringwar — " What do you do when he oimos home P" Feathorstono— " Then I travel." A lawyer, being interrupted, said—" I w 1 apeak, sir, an long as I please." " You have, spoken longer than you please," was his opponent's retort.