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Wit and Humour.
A priest once called to pray over the barren fields ofliis parishonera. ~ He passedjfronl' -it one enclosure "to another, and pronOu&ced; hjs^w benediction, unti[ he came to amoß^unprpmis 4 r f -|i ing case. He survey Wl 'thV sterile ' acres 'In despair. "Ah !" said he, " 'brethren -&n$ M use to pray here — this needs ifla^ure;'' *'* <! *"■" A boy was asked- what m'eeknessfwW^'Se ■ * thought a moment', and r ttie&* Bftid^' v Mee£ '"t ness -give's smooth' 'answers 'to~TdiVgh'fl'uies-^* ,tidnß/' •'• .-;.'/■ >;.«■• .-.:•:»> -n". ■ ; ; «t? "Pa," said i "young hppeful," Iknow-'whai 8 *t a man who 'has seen* better' d&ys'i's.""?' "^WellJ®* my so»j whatsis he 8? ft»He.dsra man- ..who " » makes. jou.tir.ed talkjng ab^ufc.himsalfi'l .->*..,*«s[ " Patrick, f you- told, toe you;- needed j ths#? alcohol to clean the mirrprß; i with,.,and.-h§re ji t >i^ .find you drinkiog it," Jsdij&' mhjn,rit'a~k'' *c drinKin 1 and brathin' ifc v? on } M 'gia^l%i*mV doiri'!" -• -■->•» «•• »=•#■' *«v*r t. rt « t **%*£ •: - MARKBOMtBEOETS..'**,* *' "? J?.'*lf Pens- anil paper are stationary. ■*•*'* .-? ■:<**s Cutlery is" very dull. •: -jj/ ■;■• N ■:*■■•.■&& . Cheese rrFirm and fairly" aojiiye,* ; : *■ i^| 4 Butter— Strong, but inelinedjto be? slippery. #1 Whisky— Lively andun^eady/'V *" ; Hops— Lively and active. - *»/* ! 1 <JuQpowder-4fnelined' to bet rising'. 1 ■•* '^'i:' . Eggs— Opened, strong. *•••;..*»:: « ?.j ;,««/ Cabman — thV?nUiMber of Vouli "$ house ?" Inside Party -7 •/ What* differenced i uoes that make to you ?_. You, juafe drive me/a home j I'm not going to enter into -'any oonfi-' "•* ; dericeswithjbu." : ... * ■ »:«^ -' •■ '■' • : •" *-••'. -"• : .• ; v ; ■.■■ *> *isj A man with a large family was complaining • "<♦ of the difficulty of supporting all oFthem. * ?'BuB," said a ' friend, "yo tt "-have sons^Big = enough to earn something now:. 0 '-'"The* 9 * difficulty i 8) they are, too %to work/'-w&Vit -the answer. ,. ( , ; ,.. ; . ..^ ,-;», r^ She was a brant on the^ubj^'fc'bf muslc^^ gentleman .knocked richer doSr'tfh'a asked^ii^it " Does : Mr ; pmitu r live i here^i' -VslShvaxjihtoii*. room, his room is,an octave hjgher^a fcue, uexfc^ - tint, she # .replied, in " a, piauisaimo -VandltoW ,'l tone of voice. '->•".''' -- ■ ! •■* -*>■■-» w >-. *-*a ' The Troy Tikis -tells ,of a^tlema? 'wha^l was awakened iii c/.e night and told '%ii \\l wite was deadi-He turnSd^r, &&W$ coverlet cloßer,;pulied dowTd«k ; s ■nightckp^'dnd^ murmured, tt ß ,he,^eiit.to3leep.ag a iui >» $Wm how gn«ved I st»all be^in t^e Mo,ES4p.g !'/*] • -It iz highly; important that 1 when' fr&kfraa makes up h>^iad te^bekumvaraskMpisa^ should examjhe >izself -clusly^and^seeifehe^ ain't better kbnatrukted' for a pnool. — 7osks JBillingS.- ■•:•'.= •■•■; ■'■■•'- ~- ■•■i-<; »'-**-*: --I >:;-?'i>"Cv*l^, ; It rather-disgusted, 'l Vermon^man'V&'i went to aneighbour's^barn to* 8 1eal'a*c'ow,% °! imd when he got ihei animal Eon3ei;lia& fVwatf' 32 his own, which.hisvneigh.6our had^lea;^ 4 fyf:iS SS^'Sfe^--™ ******* There was a. Presbyterian, T m^ter* whoa«« married a couple of h^s ruatic.parishoners, apd^« ■had felt exceedingly J diacoiiceVted, on hiT^ asking the bndegroom 'if ;i fie'" i '?vere ft: will- s '^ ing to, take Vthe. : woman 'for -his -wedded f^ wite, by his ecratohing , hia head snd/ssyin ff -^' sisti" m '■WP** V *- I & s •"• •■«:_. ■ • ■••••-■ ,-. ■:*.!■ b-- ,t--( '<iffr , Counsellqr M-.T. being in' ,co.m'p&ny jone^r day, after he had . retired from practice,- the, £ glorious uncertainty t of the : lawj.-b'ecame the subject of conversauoni- Hd was appealed to-^ for his opinion,,-when.he laconically observed >"&* •If auy man was to claim fhe ooat .upon am M back, threaten me with, ; a,lawsuit in caal-^ ' of a reiusal-to give him, he certainly Should have it, leaf; in defending^ coari' should * faad out, too late, that- I was 'deprived*" of-* my waistcoat also!" :,• --i .-,*■ ;,s?7VQ An American editor', thus- -"advertises "his* **~ missing hat:—» The .gentleman who inadv&fci.?3 ently took our beaver, and left; -an-infsirior.t^ arucle mite stead, .will do us infinite kind? * n«ss by reiuming ours, and* he shall receive" our warmest -thanks sand : two^ -apologies -^ an* : I • apology for the trouble we : haye 1 given" and the.apolugy for- a hat he has left us;"^ /'ect A Boston paper says it is 1 ■ never weary of ' ; * reauiug a gooa epitaph ~ one- of ; whicKindii -t« Cdtes the wora yt a r . lifetime m A few, short, 'V.> crisp words. Here is one, ior ' instance,, wjiioh , 7 needs no explanatiou. ! It was- inscribed" on ' *" the tomb of a caiiiiibal: ' "iie ; loved ? '£is- '** fellowinen." - • '•■. -< ■■[■ .?*?•«■ /. :-• ..-'^k- ';> •> i._ -:J . ■'■:':,'.■• ■■•■■ .:.-!■.-■?■■•;>•■ r>jf- ■■•■:■.■. <->?-■
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Bibliographic details
Mataura Ensign, Volume 10, Issue 678, 17 June 1887, Page 7
Word Count
664Wit and Humour. Mataura Ensign, Volume 10, Issue 678, 17 June 1887, Page 7
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Wit and Humour. Mataura Ensign, Volume 10, Issue 678, 17 June 1887, Page 7
Using This Item
No known copyright (New Zealand)
To the best of the National Library of New Zealand’s knowledge, under New Zealand law, there is no copyright in this item in New Zealand.
You can copy this item, share it, and post it on a blog or website. It can be modified, remixed and built upon. It can be used commercially. If reproducing this item, it is helpful to include the source.
For further information please refer to the Copyright guide.
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