KING OF EPIGRAMS

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 3833, 12 February 1929, Page 2

KING OF EPIGRAMS

LORD DEWAR AS SPEAKER

GIMCRACK CLUB TOAST

When The Black Abbot won the Gimcrack Stakes lor Lord Dcwar, the honour due to the winning owner to make the principal speech at the annual dinner of the Gimeraek Club could not have fallen into a worthier mouth. For Lord Dewar is king of epigrammatic and aphoristic speecli (writes the London correspondent of the Sydney ' Morning Herald '). : The annual toast to the horse winning the Gimeraek Stakes is an ancient tradition and a privilege much coveted by the leading horse owners here. The owner, proposing the toast of his successful horse, has traditional license to speak his mind frankly on matters affecting the turf, and in the past many racecourse reforms have been et- ; r'ected as a result of Gimeraek dinner ■ speeches. '■ It was easy to envisage the success ' Lord Dcwar would have in the role.'; His wit has become his outstanding ' characteristic to the present genera- i tion, even though it knows him so well as millionaire distiller, sportsman, race-J horse owner, big game hunter, and in j other spectacular capacities. He is the; king of after-dinner speakers. So all ' looked forward to the 1928 Gimeraek , dinner as likely to produce a sprightly utterance, and none was disappointed. | I have culled from his long speech passages which sparkle with humour. Lord Dewar mentioned the introduction of the totalisator, saying: " I have an idea that the ' tote' will not be heralded to our racecourse on a tidal j wave of enthusiasm. It will bo threat- j ened bv many problems and assailed by | many critics. We arc all critics, few, are connoisseurs. A wave of pessimism: always accompanies the birth of great truths—the same might bo said 'of twins. Patience is the greatest of all shock absorbers. The only thing you can get in a hurry is trouble. We must not elope with the idea that reforms will come as speedily as an eclipse or an earthquake. The age of miracles is past, unless there is someone here that can work one now. Let us have an open mind on this question—minds are like parachutes, they only •function when they are open. The ' tote ' will j bring things home to you that you I have never seen before—as your ! laundrynian sometimes does. Jf you I want credit from the ' tote,' von will /find it.colder than a banker's heart. | The ' tote ' will disillusion the illusions of the sceptics. ... " This is a new departure in Lngj lish statecraft, and the present Govern- ; ment has had the courage to establish I the principle. 01 course, the other ! political parties opposed the measure. The great misfortune to mankind is that only those politicians out of office know how to solve great problems. . . Gambling has gone on ever since the day Moses dropped the hl'ates and bioke the Ten Commandments. We all endeavour to keep the Ten Commandments—those who know anything about them. He have been making laws for a thousand years, but we have done nothing to equal the Ten Commandments."

VIEWS ON RACING. There were much wisdom and many warnings to the unwary in Lord Dewar's views on racing. Here is a paragraph which might be a selection of aphorisms, but really comprises connected thoughts •

" On the turf, to him that hath shall be given the experience of losing. Lucky is the man who does not believe in luck; if you wait for a stroke of good fortune" you may wait until you get a stroke of paralysis. Nothing is certain in racing except its uncertainty, and there is nothing so uncertain as a 'sure thing.' When you hear a man say, 'Accidents will happen,' you may be pretty certain he. has been doing something he should not have done. Why is it that some husbands tremble when the wife says in a soft voice: ' 1 want to say something to you.' Nr wife can endure a gambling husband unless he is a steady winner. Racing is made up of unlucky happenings. Disappointment is the offspring of expectation. Your two-year-old may be a hero, and, as a three-year-old, a zero. On the turf nothing so rapidly recedes as success."

PEARLS OF WIT. Let quotations from the speech conclude with a string of pearls of wit and wisdom, chosen at random: — " Income tax is a punishment for being industrious and thirfty. The less money a man has the less he has to worrv over his income tax." " With the ' tote ' our racecourses will be vacuum-cleaned of a hotbed of undesirables with speckled reputations." " Confessions may be good for the soul, but bad for the reputation." " In racing you should be born under the astrological sign that indicates great hopefulness." " Opportunity should be grasped during the lifetime of the opportunity." '•' When a man says his word is as •rood as his bond— get the bond." "Nobody really values a thing until semebodv else wants it. There is always somebody eagerly trying to dive into something that somebody else is frantically striving to scramble out of. " When von cdvc a tip, it is like lending money; it is better for both parties' to arrange some t constructive policy of protection against loss of friendship." " If you want lo know the value of money, try to borrow some." " Some men do not got all they want, and others do not get all they deserve."