FLASHES OF FUN

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 3716, 26 October 1926, Page 7

FLASHES OF FUN

ROUND IN 3264. A man who had grown suddenly rich was going round the W alton_ Heath golf course, accompanied by his wife. He got into a hunker, and alter his forty-seventh shot his wile said: “If yer go on like this, everyone’ll think ye’re workin’ ’ere.” * * * * MATRIMONY DEFINED. Smith was congratulating Jones on the occasion of his silver wedding, when Jones inquired if Smith ever heard what the schoolboy said about marriage. Smith had not. “'Well,” explained Jones, “ the youngster was asked by his teacher to explain the word ‘ matrimony.’ ‘ Please, ma’am,’ was the reply, ‘ father says matrimony ain’t a word—it’s a sentence.’ ” * * * * WELL EARNED. The comedian wanted a rather large cheque cashed. The bank cashier did not recognise him. “Have you any means of identifying yourself?” asked the cashier. “Certainly,” replied the comedian, and he went cross-eyed and did one of his famous leers. “ Now do you recognise me?” he asked. “No,” replied the cashier. “But here’s your money. You’ve earned it.” * * w * PAINFUL DISEASES. On his way home from school Tommy looked sad and worried. “ Dear me!” exclaimed a sympathetic old lady, “whatever is troubling you, my little man?” “ Dyspepsia and rheumatism,” replied Tommy. ■ Oh, surely not,” said the old lady. “How can that be?” “Teacher caned me ’cause I couldn’t spell them,” answered Tommy dismally. * * ■* * FOR THE DURATION. The officer eyed the -would-be recruit. “So you want to join the army?” he said. “ For how long?” “ Duration,” came the reply. “ But there’s no war,” said the officer amusedly. “J know,” answered the recruit, “I meant duration of peace.”

A DIFFICULT WORD. The oculist was examining a patient, and he had asked him to read the top line of a test card, the letters of which ran—H PRTVZI) FH K. “ Can you read it?” asked the specialist after the patient had stared at the letters for a few moments without making any remark. “If you can’t see letters that size there is something seriously wrong with your eves.” “Oil, I can see the letters all right,” wai the reply, “but I can’t pronounco the bloomin’ word!” « * * * A BISHOP’S QUERY. A bishop had been making a tour of a slum area, and after an hour’s tramp lie became a little hazy as to his whereabouts, and asked an urchin how to get home. The sharp little street arab gave concise and detailed directions, and all the time his eyes were fixed in fascination upon the episcopal gaiters. When he had finished his instructions the lad ; -ve a final glance at the encased legs, and then asked, in irrepressible curiosity, “ Wot’s up, sir? ’As someone pinched yer hike?” * * » • LOST—A FIVER. There was no doubt about it— Michael Muldoon lias lost his fivepound note. How, then, was be to get back to Dublin? But, sure the London police would find it for him! Into a station marched Michael and told his story to the sergeant. The officer was inclined to be sympathetic, “ J suppose you wrote down the number of the note?” he added. “Oi did that, sorr!” said Michael proudly. “What is the number them?” “ And isn’t that just what I don’t know myself? 1 wrote it on the back of the note!” n * * DID CATCH IT. The stationmaster, hearing a craslx on the platform, ran out of bis room just in time to see the express disappearing around the curve and a dishevelled young man sprawling amid several overturned milk cans and the contents of Ids travelling bag. “Was he trying to catch the train?” asked the station master of a small boy who stood by admiring the scene. “He did catch it,” said the boy, “but it got away again.”