Comic Cuttings.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 2902, 17 January 1911, Page 2

Comic Cuttings.

" Marriage," said Snooper, " is a lottery." " And a rich bride," added Swaybaik, " is a capital prize." As a Distinction.—-Mrs. .Low : " But the rich enjoy so many luxuries !" Mr. L*>w ; " Some do ; others merely have them." " How was it that her wedding was so largely attended ?" " She withheld the name of the groom until the last minute." " My income is small and perhaps it it cruel of mi to take you from your father'* roof." She (auxiously) : " i don't live od the roof." ' "By Jove, I left my purse under my pillow !" "Oh, well, your servant is honest isn't she ?" " That's just it—she'll tak« it to my wife." Do you know what my wife's strenuous motto is during the preserving season ?" isked Cumso. " No," replied Cawker. • What is it ?" "I can." j Henpeck : " Before I was married my wife used to swallow everything i told her." Wilson : " Any different now ?" Henpeck : " Yes, she makes me cat my own ft'Ol'ds." His Wife : " It is strange that the Housenlotts haven't lost their cook yet." 'the Suburbanite : " Well, Housenlott told m« they had acceded to all her demands and she hasn't been able to think of any more fei." It was during the natural history lesson " GiQe me," asked the teacher, "an example of the alleged deceitful character o; :he cat." "In restaurants it is sometimel said to pass itself off for a rabbit," answered the head boy. " Blinks has a perfect mania for conleasing everything. Did you hear how hj« proposed ?" " No." "He held up an en i jagement ring before the girl's eyes am I said, ' Eh ? And what did she say V " She just nodded." An editor, who is evidently a man o; family, sagely remarks that a boy who wil yell like a Tartar if a drop 01 wan., an his shirt-iband when his neck is getunj washed, will crawl through a sewer aftei i ball and think nothing of it. " How large a permanent population hai Crimson Gulch ?" inquired the tourist " Well," answered Bronco Bob ; " we'vi got about 407 living here. But with sc much hoss-stealin' an' brace faro goin' on [ wouldn't allude to anybody as bein' particular Dermanent." •' After all. there are a* fi*h in the sea as were ever caught." " Tee, and very much better. The biggest one« always get away, rou know." The longest lived people have generally been thoae who made breakfast the principal meal of the day. The stomach has more vigour iu the morning than at any other time. Some of the screw* used in watches are M ■mall that it takes 380,000 of them to weigh* pound. Not Proven. A patient in an insane asylum imagined himself dead. Nothing could drive this delusion out of the man's brain. One day his physician had a happy thought, and said to him : " Did you ever see a dead man bleed P" "No." he replied. j << Did you ever hear of a dead man bleed* ing?" J " No." " Well, if yon will permit me. I will try in [ x periraent with you, and see if you bleed or ! not." The patient gave his consent; the doctor ' whipped out his scalpel, and drew a little ! blood. | "There," said he, "you see that top I bleed, that proves that you are not dead. "Not at all," the patient instantly re* plied; " that only proves that dead men can ! bleed."