CONNUBIAL BLISS.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 2360, 3 May 1901, Page 6

CONNUBIAL BLISS.

RBGRKT. I do not ■our*, swe»t wife of mine, Became those tub? lips of Ibiae— That m aible brow— Were kifised by ene who might have been, Had 1 Dot cbatct-d to step between, 1 hv husba»d now.

I do not iirieTe became thy heart, Ere cupid touched it with my dair,

For him would beat ; Nor that the haid which owns my ling, Onco wore tke jilt a " Mizp.h " .bioglt w»s but meet.

I sigh not that hit arms were placed Some scores of times around your wiist, So aweet and slim. All, no, my Uve ! the woe you sea Is mine, because you w«dded me, Instead of him. THE SAMIO GIRL. " Hello, Jack, *ld boy ; haven't met you Fo a mouth." " No ; I have just returned from the ocuttr with my bride."' "K;-ily! Shake; my congratulates Come, I'll open a small bottle in her honour She wi.su't a Llaadudno girl, where wi bummered last year, was she ? ,: "Exactly. You left in July; I lost nt] heart in August." " sYh.you »ld rascal! Well, here's to the bride. Drink heartily. Great town that Llandudno ; full ot awfully jolly girls ; some of then great flirts, to»." " Ah ? "

" At leaat, I found them so. I had no end of fiatoeee, so to speak, sometimes meeting two or three on the same evening by appointrneat. It was great "port. You see, a man has to go a long way aroun.l so many girls at a summer resort. Bnt tbey were charmers—no mistake." " Yes, I f«und them so. - '

'' And so deuoed sentimental, too by jovo ! I remember one in particular a hazel-eyed blonde, with a bewitching air. Gad ! Ska would actually hugg herself into kytfe-rics. And such kisses— wsow ! We used to winder over the lonely mountain paths by mooaligbt until midnight. A detr girl, too ; forgo lea her name. Guess you didn't meet her. Let ■a see-it was Lettie some—body—" " Not Lottie Huggus ? "

" That's ihe girl—the very game, by Jove ? " " She'* upstairs now."

" Gad, you don't say ? " " Pact ! She's en her honeymoon." " Waow ! Who't the poor fellow ? " ,- " 1 am."

Mrß. Suffrage : It'a woman's highest mission to correct the crying tv Is of the time.

Mr. f-uffrage (mildly):' Then hadn't yon better spauk those twins and put them to bed befoie they yell tbe roof off.

Mrs. O'Brien : Good utorain', Mrs. M'Cabe. At' phwat makes yez lot k so sad ?

Mis. M'Cibe : Shu re, Dennis was sent to gaol for fix moulLs.

Mrs. O'Brien : Well, sbure, don't worry, six montba will soon pass. Mis. M'Cabe : Shure, that's phwat worrits

Husband (in start led anxiety) . What is the natter, my dear ? Your dress is toro, your bornetis crushed,yaur shoes have been trampled upon, and one -A your gloves is missng. Did you get caught at a fire or at some political meeting ?

Wife (sweetly, but a little out of breath): Neither, dear. It's ell right. It is bargainday, you know, and I've been shopping.

Mr*. Hector : 1 know what kind of a-temper you've cof. Mr. Hector : I don't doubt it. You've tried it often eneugb. ••• Groein : a. ring aroucd the mooa is the sign of rail. Bride (sweetly): And a ring arouad a woman's finger is the sigm of— ? Groom (sidly) : Reign. •••

A far-sighted miss of feurteen suaimen has determined to marry a big maa for ber first husband and a little one for the second, so that she caa cut the clothes of the first dawn and ■sake them over to fit the accessor. Tbos tbe bard timrs force home the lesson of rigid economy and practical sense upon tender childhtod.

A poetical German has described ladies' lips as " the glowing gateways of beau, pork, sauerkraut, and potatots."

A Division of Labour.—Husband : Will you reitind me that I hare to writo a letter this

everieg ? Wife : Yes, dear. And will you remind mo of sometbicg ? "Ofcou'fe. What is it?" " Remind roe that I have to remind you."

A Sure Corrective.—Wife : That new girl sleeps like a log and I never can get her up u the morning.

Husband (struck by a bright idea): Let the baby sleep with her.

Esther : Oh dear, those newspaper reports of last week were premature ! Tbe Arabic has not foundered, and Faany's husband is not lost. Celeste : Then keeptho papers from her, and send someone to break it to ber gently. She will be brcketi-beirted, for tbe poor thing has bought all her mouraiug.

She : Where are you going to, Edward ? He : My dear, a wise woman never aaks her husband where Le is going. " And yet a wiße man may auk lis wife '' " You are mistaken, nay dear. Wiu men never have any wives."

A Chicago Episode. —Marion : Maud, dear, Jack told me to siy that he was going to bring a friend of y< urs home to dinner this evening. We told me the man was once niairied to you. Maud : How perfectly charming. I wonder who it can be r 1

Experiments.—Proui Mother : Little Dick is the most ingenious boy. He'll be a great inventor. Practical Father : If he has a bent 'or experimentiag I'll make a doctor oi him. A debtor gets paid for his experiments, an inventor doesn't.

A clergyman having performed the marruge ceremony for a couple undertoi k to wii'.e cut the usual maniage certificate, but being iu doubt as to the day of,the month, he asked : " This is the ninth, is it not ?" " Why, parson," siid the blushing bride, " you do ill my marrying, and you ought to remember that this is only the fifth."

" Your husband must have the beat of tempers," said a friatod, " for you have been over an hour dressing to go oat with him, and as yet he has uever called once to know if you were ready.' " Ob," said the artful wife, " before I begin

I hide his gloves, cigar-case, and spectacles, and then when I go down I look about until we find them, and of course he apologists for having kept fie so long."