WIT AND HUMOUR.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 1860, 26 February 1892, Page 3

WIT AND HUMOUR.

The curtain of the future is always drawn. Trifles light bb hair make up the wigged world.

" Mine is a patient wait," remarked the young doctor, as he sat lonely in his office. " I know two tunes; one is Old Hundred, the other isn't. I always sing the latter." He—" Are we going to have some music ?" She—" No. Miss Van Howl is going to sing." It is often easier for a man to complete a round of pleasure than it is for him to make things square afterwards.

Deacon Smith—" What kind of a collection did we have to-day ? " Parson Brone—" A collection of misers, I should judge."

When a man and a woman have been made one, the honeymoon is the time spent in endeavouring to discover which is that one. Rowland Hill once finished a charity sermon by requesting all persons who were in debt not to place anything in the plate. " Do I tire you? " he asked, after speaking for half an hour on his hopes and ambitions. " Oh, no," she answered sweetly; " I have been asleeD."

A little girl after profound reflection, sitting in her little chair by the fire, asked, " Mamma, ho* does a step-mother walk ? "

Doctor—" I believe you have some sort of poison in your system." Patient—"Shouldn't wonder. What was that last stuff you gave me ? " A strange world this. In France, when a girl is pleasing, they say she is chic. Over here, when she doesn't please you, she's " an old hen." Mr Benedick—"Will you be my wife?" Miss Beatrice—" Yes." Mr Benedick—" Oh, Miss Beatrice, that is so sudden ! Give me time to reconsider." " By Jove, Cynicus," said Scribbler, " I have half a mind to go into literature." " Wait awhile, Scribbler," returned Cynicus. " You need a whole mind to succeed." GOOD EVIDENCE. " I know that you're fond of kissing," he said. She blushed to her finger-tips. " I know it, because (and stole one then), I have it from your own lips! " " He orders me around as if I had nothing to do," complained Bronson. "He isn't as bad as my boss," said Hicks. Mine orderame around as if he bad nothing else to do." Ikey—" lam going no* to buy you a peautiful diamant engagement ring, Rebecca." Rebecca—'' Don't vorget, Ikey, tbat my fader sells them cheaper than anyone e!se in town." " You are the light of my life," she said to him as she bid him good-night at the front door. " Put out that light," growled her fa'her at the head of the stairs. And the front door slam'ned.

A traveller who had been in the Far East told a French lady that Hindoo girls are taught to think of marriage as soon as they can talk. She replied, "French girls are not. They don't require teaching 1 ." " How far did you say it was from the station to the house, Dennis ? " " Two miles, sir." "Two miles! Why, we have been over three already ! " " Well, sir, the roads are had about here, so we give good measure." Blank, examining his portrait just painted by Professor Fuillemont from Paris: — " Prof(3;or, I do not know how it is, but neither you nor any artist whom I have ever met has been able to catch the expression of my face." " Ah, Mees'er Blonk, zit is varay true ; but " —shrugging his shoulders—" eef ze exppression ees not zare, how can you catch him ? "