Smith as Amateur Photographer.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 1591, 13 May 1887, Page 4

Smith as Amateur Photographer.

' My dear,' said Smith, aa he wiped the egg spot off bis shirt bosom, where it had been deposited by the 'young hcpefol,' ' all the world and New Jersey have gone mad.' ' Why don't they get inoculated again»t it, Algernon ?' ' Because—why, no matter. However, I am mad like all the rest of humanity.' 'Which I have tried to prove to you all tbeae years—' 'And of which madness I show the plainest evidence, viz., from my having marrieu the daughter of a newspaper editor.' 'Well, pa had more brains in one column of his delightful paper than you had in your head.' ' The clipped department, of course, ' Don't you go and throw slurs at mv pa's ability aa a great editor. If you do I'll—l'll * ' Pet, don't! You're in a passion now. If you only knew how all your hot blood settles in your nose when you get in a passion, you would be calm.' • And if you only knew how your nose glows at picnics, horse-rac-s, cricket-matches, and such horrible affairs, you wouldn't tarry so long over the foamy but intoxicating beer.' It was a dead-centre shot, and Smith knew it. His gentle spouse always came off first best in an argu- j meut. He was great as a thinker. I Oh, if his hand could only pen tue: unwritten poems and romances his brain bad thought! But tticre ;he has a new hobby. Photography! Everybody takes photographs now. Tho#e bloated rich men wbo run studios where you are screwed into an iron vice and told to put on a pleasant look, are doomed to shut up shop and take a long vacation, for everybody can take pictures now. It is easy—so says the man who sells amateur outfits. He ought to know. He was an artist in a tin-type galiery for three long years, and left thoroughly versed in the magic art of photography. Smith was a little tired of his regular recreations after business hours. He finally made up his mind to take up photography as a sort of plaything. His outfit cost him £o 10s to start with. Of course a man isn't supposed to know all about a strange art in a minute. He must practice, grow up in it, so to speak. But that wasn't j the sort of man Smith was. He knew all about every thing that he tackled right at the start He generally progressed by unlearning all he knew. It is a sort of new-fangled evolution; a backward crab-like progression; and there are plenty of smart men in the world to-day who progress backward.

Mrs Smith had invited her intimate lady triendi to an afternoon tea, to be held in the shady grounds at tbe rear of Smith's garden. It was a goodlj gathering of those whole-soulea creatures who like to discuss everybody's business over the talismauic tea-cup as they nibble daintily the cracker of commerce. Mrs Hortense Van Dusen, the fair ana charming widow, was one of the party. Smith offered to take her picture as she lay in the hammock. She was ail smileo and good grace*, also, to have her picture taken. The hammock was in the shade, and somewhat alool trom tne crowd 01 ladies sipping tea under the maples. It took Mr Smith some time to pose the cfcaronug widow. He lussed about her quite a long time. He lilted her chiu *ith hia linger, and as her blue eyes gazed up at him, he started, glanced about, *ud—as tne ladies over beyond the bustiea were not in sight he—well, he kissed her. It was ail over in a minute, nay a second. Little Johnny w-s trying .to put the cap over the lens when his happy lather looked at the camera. 'See here, boy, did you take the cap off of the little round tube ? ' B aid Smith, as he went to the tripod. 4 1 only dest pulled it 'way to look in tbe gun.'

•And youve spoilt a |plate. Go •way, dear, pa wants to make a picture of the lady in the hammock,' «id Smith, as be took off the plateholder with the plate which had been exposed by Johnny. £*ow, a calm expression and a turn of the eyes this way, and I'll soon be ready, laid he aa he pat in another plate. The cap was taken off and replaced, and the exposure was over. Ladies, would you like to see mc* develope a dry plate ? The businert* is quite interesting, and I shall take pleasure in showing you all about it.' Of course anything new is very nice, and the ladies, with Mrs Smith, followed him to the house. Smith l*d the party to the cellar, where he had his bottles, pans, <fca, ready for work. With the charming party crowded around him, he laid a plate in the pan, poured on his developer, and breathlessly awaited the result in the dim light something began to show, just what it was he couldn't tell; but he left the plate in the de veloper until be thought it wu right when be popped the plate into the hypo bath to clear up. it did clear up. Buthitvfosl

He had developed the plate that Johnny exposed, and—well, the rest had better be untold. After Mrs Smith had finished with her shame-faced spouse, she went for the gushing widow. Smith has an amateur photographic outfit for sale now. Kissing within the range of a camera if dangerous business.