Wit and Humour.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 1585, 15 April 1887, Page 4

Wit and Humour.

What a barber musn't do—Lather hit wife. " An enjoyable hop"—that which gets into beer. A man who jplanta a ladder never knowi what may come up. A rich Indiana girl, seeing no other way of distinguishing herself, married a circus clown. Some people are as backward in paying their respect as though it were another name for debts. It is bad manners to look over a person's shoulder while he is writing a letter. Wait until his back is turned and then look over tbe letter. "Waiter, is this an old or a new herring that you brought me ?" " Can't you tell ?" " No." " Well then, what difference does it make?" A close race—uisars. The New Zealand fair—Pretty girls. Motto for deserted watering places—Shut up. A poor drummer—The drummer on a piano. A sort of Bar Harbour for inebriates—The saloon. " My safe has been rifled three times," said a merchant. " A new form of repeating rifle," remarked his friend. Like hot weather, the smiles of a lovely woman will at all times wilt a man's choler. Prince Alexander to the Czar—" Don't shoot, your Majesty, I'll comerijht down." " What a beautiful form exclaimed Miss Titelace the first time she saw an eel;" such a long, thin, waist, you know." Scboilmarm to little Josie—Where is the North Pole ? Little Josie—At the top of the map, marm. Sing a song o' sixpence, A pocket full of gold ; All the little boys have gone A-shootin' I am told ; When the spring is opened No birds begin to sing, But every lady's hat is trimmed With many a little wing. Many run about after felicity like an ab-sent-minded man looking out for his hat, whieh is on his head.—Hebrew Standard A girl whose young man took her to the play and left her four times to go out and get a clove, called him her four-leaf clover, j There is a great falling off of the population," observed the Brooklyn policeman, "since this bridge was erected."—Lowell Citizen. The small boy, with complacent mien, At twilight eats tbe apple green ; The doctor pours at midnight dim, Jamaica ginger into him. He vows, while in tbe colic's power, No more green apples he'll devour. Next day, recovered from his pain, He hankers for the fruit again. Some tailors have a way of making suits: With tape in hand they kindly take your measure, and after that they ought "to give you fits," so that you can think of them with pleasure. Slimkins and his young wife had just completed their first quarrel. "I wish I was dead, " she sobbed. " I wish I was, too," he blubbered. " Then I don't wish I was," and the war continued. " How to send a boy to sea" is the name of a new book. One good way is to work him on the farm from daylight to dark 365 days in jthe year, and then thrash him with a trunk strap when he asks for a half holiday in leap year.