AMERICA BEATS THE WORLD.

Lake Wakatip Mail, Issue 1579, 4 March 1887, Page 3

AMERICA BEATS THE WORLD.

An Americn paper writes: "This is a glorious country! It has longer rivers and more of them, and they are muddier and deeper, and run faster, and rise higher, and mike more noise, and fall lower, and do more damage than anybody else's rivers. It has more lakes, and they are bigger and deeper, and clearer, and wetter than these of any other country. Our railcars are bigger, and run faster, and pitch off the track oftener, and kill more people than all other rail-card in this and every other country. Our steamboats carry bigger loads, are longer and broader, burst their boilers oftener, and send up their passhngers higher, and the eaptaiDS swear harder than steam boat captiins in any other country. Our men are bigger, and longer, and thicker, can fight harder and faster, drink more mean whisky, chew more bad tobacco, and spit more, and spit furthur than men in any other country. Our ladies are richer, prettier, dress finer, and spend more money, break more hearts, wear bigger hoops, shorter dresses, and kick up the devil generally to a greater extent than all other ladies in all other countries. Our children squall louder, grow faster, get too expansive for their pantaloons, and becometwenty years old sooner by some months than any other children of any other country on the earth."