“THE DAYS BEFORE YESTERDAY.”

Lyttelton Times, Volume CXVIII, Issue 18599, 29 December 1920, Page 4

“THE DAYS BEFORE YESTERDAY.”

BOOK OF GOOD STORIES

A FEW SELECTIONS

Lord Frederic Hamilton, the distinguished diplomat, can tell a story as well ns anyone, and he seems to have an inexhaustible fund. His book, “ The Vanished Pomps of Yesterday,” was most entertaining. His new volume, “The Days Before Yesterday,” makes cron more exhilarating reading. It is full of good stories, from which the following are selected: — LORD CHARLES BERESFORD'S / ? ' " -STAMPS. Hero is a story about the late Lord Charles Bercsford:— He was in the Carlton Club and had just received a shilling’s worth of stamps. from the waiter when Mr Bankes-Stanhope, a fussy old member, reproved him for smoking a cigar, smoking being strictly forbidden in the hall of tho club at this time. “Ho reproved I<ord' Charles for his breach of the club rules, in, as I thought, quite unnecessarily severe tone 3. The genial admiral kept his tempor, but detached one penny stamp from tho roll, licked it, and placed it on his forefinger. / “ A LITTLE OVERSIGHT.” “ ‘ My dear Stanhope,’ lio began, ‘ it was a little oversight of mine. I was writing in there,, do you see ’ (a friendly little tap on Mr Bankes-Stanhope’s shirt, and on went a penny stamp). ‘ and I moved in here, you see ’ (another friendly tap, and on went a second stamp), and forgot about my cigar, you see ’ (a third tap, and a third stamp left adhering). The breezy admiral kept up this conversation, punctuated-with little taps, each one of which left its crimson trace on. the old gentleman’s white shirt front, until the whole shilling’s worth was placed in position. Mr Bonkes-Stan-fiope was too irate to notice these little manoeuvres; ho maintained his hectoring tone, and never glanced down at his shirt front. Finally, Lord Charles left, and tho old. gentleman, still puffing and blowing with wrath, struggled an overcoat, and went off to an official party .at Sir Michael Hicks Beach’s, where his appearance with twelve red penny stamps adhering to his shirt front must have created some little astonishment.” A REBUFF FOR THE QUEEN. Hie author’s father onco lent his Scotch house to Queen Victoria and tho Prineo Consort for ten days, the children vacating their nurseries _in favour of the Royal children, and- going to a farm whoro they had very cramped quarters, a change that was deeply resented by tho author’s second brother, who refused to Iks placated. So annoyed was he, that when lie and his sisters and brother, all. dressed in kilts, were presented to her Majesty his conduct was alarming. . ; “‘And this, your Majesty, is my second boy. Make your bow, dear, said my mother; but my brothor, 3ns heart still hot within him at being expelled from his nursery, instead of bowing stood on. his head in his kilt, and remained like that, an accomplishment of which he was very proud. ’Hie Queen was very angry, but when the boy was brought back tho next day to make his apologies, ho stood on his head again. “In strict -confidence, gays Lord Frederic, “I believe that ho would still do it more than seventy-two years later.’ THE WIT OF DR HATCHELL.

Dr Hatched, physician to countless Irish Viceroys; was a well known figure m Dublin, and a wit. His carriage was once held up fey two men. W o know yon, Dr Hatched, so you had better hand over your Watch and monoy quietly.” “You know me I” answered the merry little doctor, with his tremendous brogue, “so no doubt you* would like me to prescribe for you. Saltpetre is a grand drug, and I often order .'it for my patients. Sulphur is the finest thing in tlm world for the blood, and an elegant disinfectant. By a great piece of luck, I have all these drugs with me in the carriage, but and he suddenly covered with us revolver one of the men who had come round to the carriage door—“ they are all mixed up together, and there, is the lonst tost© in life of lead in front of them, and, by God! you’ll get it through you if you don’t clear out of that.” The men decamped immediately.

LEAVING OUT “ MONTE.” “Father Hoaly, moßt genial and delightful of ihen. was at Dublin Castle in Lord Zetland’s time. Onco when he had just returned from a. fortnight’s visit to Monte Carlo, whoro ho had been tho guest (of all people in the world I) of Lord Randolph Churchill, Lady Zetland said: ‘May I ask you how you explained your absence to your (lock, Father HealyP’ ‘ 1 merely told them that* I had been for a fortnight’s retreat to Carlow; I thought it superfluous prefixing the Monte,’ answered the priest.” ' KILTS AND MOSQUITOES. A Btory of the Gordon) Highlandera:— “ Tho last time that T was in Calcutta, tho Gordon Highlanders had just relieved an English regiment ill. the fort, and on tho first Sunday after their arrival four hundred Gordon Highlanders were marched to a parade service at St Andrew’s. Tho most op-’ timistic mosquito had never, in his wildest dreams imagined such a. succulent banquet as that afforded by* four hundred bare-kneed, kilted Highlanders, and the mosquitoes made the fullest use of their unique opportunity. Soon the church resounded with tho vigorous oiapping of hands on haro knees and thighs, as the men endenvoured to kill a few of their little tormentors. The minister, hearing the loud clapping, but entirely misapprehending its purport, paused in his sermon and said:— V *My brethren, it is vorra gratifying to a minister of the Word to learn that his remarks meet with the approbation of his hearers, hut T’d have you ■ remember , that all applause is strictlv oot of place in the Hooso of God.”’ “THE SPICY BREEZES.” Travelling by sea from Calcutta to Ceylon, Lord Frederic heard some American Indies engaged in. missionary work repenting to each other lines from s» well-known hymn. They wore then within about a hundred miles of Ceylon, and tho lines were:— “ What though tho spicy breezes Blow soft o’er Ceylon’s isle.” They repeated them ever and over again until he “ loathed Bishop Holier for having written them.” “They even asked the captain how far out to sea the spicy breezes would be perceptible. I suddenly got an idea, and going billow, I obtained from tho steward half a dozen nutmegs and a handful of cinnamon. I grated the nutmegs, and pounded the cinnamon up, and then with one handful of each. I went on deck, and walked slowly up and down in front of the American tourists. Soon I heard an ecstatic ‘ Mv dear, I distinctly smelt spice {lien!’ Another turn and another jubilant exclamation: ‘lt’s quite true about the spicy breezes. I got a, delicious whiff just then. Who would have thought that they would have carried so far out to. sea?’ A sceptical elderly gentleman was summoned from below and he, after a while, was reluctantly forced to avow that he, too, had noticed the spicy fragrance.”