ELEMENTARY SCHOOL LIFE.

Lyttelton Times, Volume LXXI, Issue 8756, 1 April 1889, Page 3

ELEMENTARY SCHOOL LIFE.

A Mr Barker has written two papers on "Elementary School Life,” in Longman’s Magasmc. The batch of "Youthful Essays” which he has brought together are quite as entertaining as anything of the sort we remember. Here are a few extracts from a boy’s impressions of—‘ THE ZOOLOGICAL GARDENS. Of all the animals in this world, the Zoological Gardens is the most. You go in by a gate, and when you have got a bit •way down, there they are all round you. . Ameriky cant be nothin to it. They cant ran about and hurt you, coz there’s a kage ■ dropped over them all. They look so vexed : coz you can see all they do and pan have a ; good stare all round at themj and.-they keep lookin in the eorners .to see if they can’t find some bushes and things to hide behint. The lion, which is the king of all the animals wot ever lived, was so little that I shouldn’t have noea it was him, only I have seen picters, and my mother said "Look, Tom, now yon can say as you’ve seen a lion.” Why he isn't quarter as big as a eliphent, and he hasn’c got no trunk. I think the eliphent could masterflim if he liked; but the big silly won’t try, coz he’s so kind, and doesn’t want to be king. The lion is yeller, but not so yeller as in the picter book wot the Board gev me. He looks at yer through the bars like as wot he was saying, "You think as you can fight, don’t yer, little boy, just coz you no I can’t get out. If I could only skweez through I’d swallow you and yer mother too.” I said to my mother, "I should like to hear the lion aroarkg.” Then she said, “ Why that was aroaring just now when the keeper looked in at him.” Then I nearly cried, I was so wild; why, it wasn’t like thunder and lightnin’ at all. It just opened its mouth wide, like as yev seed men sittin at their doors and a gaping on Sunday afternoons, and it yoped no louder than a apple cart man does. * * * The hippopotimus is like a little mashed eliphent with its trunk sawed off. Its skin is so thick that it can stay in its pond all day without the water soakin through. Kangeroos are so niced that you can look a long time at them without feelin tired. Their back legs are about four times longer than the front ones, and they are a lot too big behint. They sit up just like dogs ahegging, and they have a bag right in front for their babies to roll about in. DOTS SHOULD BE ALWAYS POLITE TO GIRLS. From an essay on "Politeness," written by a chivalrous lad thirteen years of age, we extract the following;— Boys should alway be polite to the girls, however vexing they may be. When anybody is giving anything away, always let the girls have their turn first. They like it. Girls are not so strong as boys, their hair is long, and their faces are prettier ; so you should be gentle with them. If a girl scratches your cheek or spits in your face, don’t punch her, and don’t tell her mother. That would be mean. Just hold her tight*behind by her arms for a minute or two, till she feels you could give it her if you had a mind to. Then say to her kindly, " Don’t you do it again, for it is wrong,” give her a shake or two, and let her go. This is far better than being unkind to her, and she will thank you for your politeness if she’s anything of a girl, AN ANTEDILUVIAN SALVATION ARMY CAPTAIN. We are treated to an account of Noah from the pen of a little, girl. Noah used to actilly stand on heaps of stones to preach to the people, and he told them that if they would not he rightyess, God would send such a heavy shower of rain as would drownd them all and wash away the smell. But they only laught at him, and pushed him off the stones, and hussled the poor man about, just like I’ve seen people go on at the Salvation Army when they are talkin good things to us under the big blue flag. The people used to stand at the doors of their tents and boo and hoot at Noah, the same as the Army men and women is laught and whissled at by gentlemen standing at their doors and winders. My father says he is shamed to be called an Inglishman when he sees how the Salvation is knocked about and proaseouted. He says people will hold a drunken man up, but will knock a Salvation down. Mother says the polece is as had as the uthers, cause they pitend not to see any think of 4i*

SEAMEN AND THE SEA. The disillusionment of the boy who had . honed great things from the sea is very interesting. Writing on “ Seamen and the Sea,” he says : Seamen are what we call sailors, and captins, and graining ship boys. The sailors you see in the streets are nice little fat men, with rted and brown faces. They ware boys’ coats and hats, and tbeir trousers are too tite for them up above and too wide for them down below. It makes them feel very riled. Sailors dout ware collers, becose their necks are so thick; and they allways have their boots blacked for fear the captin might see them round a corner. They dont carry their best close in boxes, but they ty them up in big red and blue handkerchers junii j like Christmas puddens. Sailors are very | fond of their mothers and sisters, and 1 you neerly allways see them taking them out for a walk. The reason why sailors like to get drunk is becose it makes them roll about like as if they was on the ocheant. You think as the sea is bigaer than what it looks. I have seed it one© and I wouldnt beleeve it was the ocheant, till the teacher told me that it was. It was when our school went from Waterloo to Portsmouth, and nothing to pay only a shilling. Just afore I started from home « that morning my mother said to me while she was brushin’ me up niced, “ Billy, you’ll see the waves jump mountains hu»h, if it only blows a bit.” Then I said 10 her, " Have you ever seed it give a 3 urn , mother?” and she said, " No, Billy, I’ve never seed the sea, nor never shall; hue I’ve heerd on it, Billy.” So when the teacher told me that flat piece of, green water was the ocheant, I felt as if I'd just come all for nothin. I looked at it till I was nearly sick, and I should have set down and done a good cry, only I had to beep follering of the teacher, so 1 hadnt got time. At last I felt so riled that I went up and cote hold of the teacher’s coat, and I said, " Please sir, can you make it jump a bit?” But he only laught, and , told me what a funny boy I was.

THIS HAPPY DAY —BANK HOLIDAY. Our last extract contains an original, enthusiastic description of Bank Holiday : They call this happy day Bank Holiday, becose the Banks shut up shop, so as people cant put their money in, but has to spend it. People begin talking about Bank Holiday a long time afore it comes, but they dont begin to spree about much till the night afore. Bank holidays are the happiest days of all your life, becose you can do nearly what you like, and the perlice dont take no notice of you. You can go into the fields and make your horses and donkeys go quick, and shout all about as hard as you like, and larf at people, and dress up in all different colours with guys on your faces, and you can So everything hut steal and brake winders. Never steal or brake winders, for it is written in the Bible. Theres only one thing as spoils Bank holiday, and that is not being fine and hot. When its wet, all the gentlemen get savige, and fight one another, and pull their sweetarts and missises about. I’m very sorry for them all round, becose it is a shame for to see. But when its fine and hot, the gentlemen all larf and are kind, and the women dance about and drink beer like the gentlemen. Everybody’s right, and boys don’t get skittled round.