THE LAY OF THE LAST REGISTERED DOG.
Ten Bob to his friends, dogs, horses, and men, Sends growling, and takes up his very bes) pen To describe how his health has been falling away Since these horrid elections have carried the
sway. Before any writs had arrived from the North, I could rise every morning and freely go forth, Without smile from the vicar, or snarl from the
mob, Like a free, independent, and easy Ten Bob : But no sooner had Governor Greyhound's dcs-
patch Appointed the days for each course of the match, Than all former connexions were thrown to the wind,
No two dogs in the country could bark in one mind,
No dog knew his master, no man knew his dog, And our puppies were lost in political fog ! The Superintendent's election came first ; Some thought one dog best, and some thought
him the worst; But at length it was left to three claimants alone To fight for the Government collar and bone. The first was a dog of undoubted renown, Who had long kept a watch in our waterside town;
By the name on his collar his sires had seen Many fights with the wild wolves in Ireland green :
The second, a bloodhound, of Norman descent, Whose forefathers once to the Holy Land went; And 'tis thought in his heart a good portion
there lurks, Of the courage his ancestors showed to the Turks :
The third, a Scotch terrier, well stricken in years ; " Who," some saucy dog screamed in my wondering ears, " Though often in battle yet never was wounded, " And still is alive although once he was drownded !" Now the two first went off, much like weazels asleep, In the desert to watch over cattle and sheep ; And the terrier came forward, as wise as an owl. And his mongrel assembly raised up a loud
howl :— " See how bravely our dog wears his ribbons and collars;
" See what very nice bones for each bulley that follows ! " Cheap kennels ! cheap bones ! of short commons no danger!
" All dogs, if they please, shall be dogs-in-the-
tnanger ! "■ Those other two hounds do not merit your
bark ; " They are seeking to give you a bite in the dark, " And to mock you by sending for men who wear tails, " Who curtail in small shoes their young ladies' toenails, " Can't say • bow-wow' in English, eat vice grown in bogs, " Which they flavor with birds' nests and fat little dof>s ! " If they sent for a troop of industrious fleas, " 'Twere not half such a curse as the horrid Chinese !" Away stayed the bloodhound, and back came the watch dog, But almost too late to outflank the old Scotch dog, Till at length the poor terrier was fairly outbid, Wheu his foe snubbed Celestials as other dogs did. Then we underwent flattery, threats, and defiance, Unfriendly disruption, unholy alliance, Nonsensical claptrap in sounding orations, And unconstitutional Associations. Every wretched dog's life was a dog's life indeed, For whether of spaniel or pig-hunting breed, He was sure to be fawned on or barked at all day ; The cupboard was bare if he voted one way, Since his master had threatened to givejjiim the sack ; If he didn't, he'd cold shoulder get from the pack;
How to judge, though for judgment" a regular Daniel, Whether best one should vote with the bull-do<>-or spaniel ? We changed our opinions and changed them again, As much like vain dogs as a vessel's dog-vane : How it ended, I really don't know and don't care, For I soon got as cross as a sore-headed bear ; And I grumble whenever I hear the bare name' Of the head of the poll or electoral claim; I assure all my friends it's my dogged desire All placards and addresses were stuffed in the fire, And I vote that some Governor,Beadle,or King, Be appointed at once to dissolve the whole thing ! **** * N * Well! they tell me that not such bad dogs after all Have been chosen for each empty kennel and stall: My humour and health both begin to feel better ; So I'll justgive the members, to finish my letter, Advice which one candidate boldly defied, (Although Wellington's own, as the very best guide To a youthful M.P. for the House that he sate in)-
" Know your mind! Mind you speak it J and never quote Latin!"
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