Untitled

Lyttelton Times, Volume II, Issue 88, 11 September 1852, Page 10

The Seven Wonders op a Married Man. —1. Not going to sleep after dinner. 2. Never going elsewhere in the evening, excepting ■' to the Club." 3. Always being good-tempered oyer the loss of a button, and never Avreaking his vengeance on the coals if the dinner isn't ready exactly to a minute ! 4. Never findingfault Avith his " dear little wifey," if she happens to be his partner at Avhist. 5. Not " wondering," regularly every week, " hoAv the money goes." 6. Resigning himself cheerfully when asked to accompany his Avife on " a little shopping!" 7. Insisting upon the servants sitting up, sooner than take the latch-key with him! Punch. The Seven Wonders of a Married Woman.— 1. Never having " a gown to put on," Avhen invited out anywhere. 2. Always being down the first to breakfast; always being dressed in time for dinner, and never keeping the carriage (or the cab) waiting at the door a minute. 3. Not always having " delicate health," about the autumn, and being recommended by her medical man "change of air" immediately. 4. Keeping up her " playing and singing" the same after marriage as before. 5. Giving her husband the best cup of tea. 6. Never making the house uncomfortable by continually "putting it to rights!" nor filling it choke full with a number of things it does not want, simply because they are " bargains!" 7. Never alluding, under the strongest provocation, to " the complete sacrifice she has nn.de of herself!" nor regretting the " two or 'three good offers," Avhich she (in common with every married Avoman) had before she was foolish enough to accept him ! and never, by any accident, calling her husband a brute !— Punch.

Sound Advice.—Master Tom: £ Have a Aveed, Gran'pa?" Gran'pa: "A what, Sir?" Master Tom : " A weed !—a cigar, you know." Gran'pa: " Certainly not, sir ; I never smoked in my life." Master Tom: "Ah ! then I would'nt advise you to begiu."— Punch.

On Easter Monday, a serious conflict took place between a body of Orangemen and the Police, in the county of Antrim. One man was shot, and two policemen severely wounded. The Minie Rifle. —Sir Charles Shaw, in a letter to the Times, gives the following particulars respecting the minie rifle, which has recently excited considerable attention in England. " It has occurred to me," he Avrites, " that your readers may wish to know the history of this improved musket, erroneously called in England the ' Minie rifle.' It is" entirely a French invention. In 1826, M. Delvigne first invented it, and made experiments with the elongated ball, and then brought it before the French authorities ; from that time till 1837 no official would listen to him; though, at last, through his importunity, three companies were armed, and this force Avas increased in 1840 to ten battallions. In 1842, Captain Tamisoer,of the'artillery, made a great improvement by deepening the grooves towards the breech ; and the same year he improved the precision of firing by cutting, at the thicker end of the elongated ball, three grooves. In 1844, Colonel Thouvenm of the artillery, made a great improvement, to prevent the ball from being so much disfigured in loading, by fixing the ' tige,' a cylindrical piece of iron, screwed into the breech. In 1844,: Captain Minie invented the hollow ball, with the culot; and it is always spoken of as the•' primitif ball. In 1849, Captain Minie proposed, and actually proved, that his new ball could be used in loading with the same rapidity as the old musket having a flat breech and no 'tige.' After a fair and impartial comparison of the powers of the new and old musket, as to precision of firing at 650 yards, it has been proved that at that distance it was in favour of the new as 42 to 11 ; but there the power of the old ceased, Avhile that of the new continued nearly equally as good at 1150 yards as at 650 ; so 25,000 of our soldiers, at a distance of 650 yards, with the old musket, Avould hit 2750 times; while thesamesoldiers, at 650 yds., or 1150 yds., with the new musket, will hit ©300 times;' that is, these 25,000 men, with the new contracted-for musket, are at once made equal in efficiency to about 60,000 men. But, as the new musket fires as far, and Avith much more precision than artillery, we have 25,000 men so armed that, as skirmishers, they can contend with the artillery of any enemy. It has been long a matter of discussion among military men, whether cavalry could charge an infantry square with success. If skirmishers with the new musket are properly worked, this discussion is put an end to, as cavalry would never have an opportunity of charging. These infantry skirmishers can make any shot tell upon a column of caA'alry at 1300 yards distance." Two Sides of a Question. — A gallant Member of the Tennessee Legislature recently offered the following amendment to a Woman's Rights Bill introduced into the Senate :—" Sec. 2. And he it further enacted, That in case any young gentleman or bachelor makes any advances towards any unsuspecting or unsophisticated lady, by making love, or pretending to make love to her, and having no real or serious intention of matrimony, he shall be found guilty of a misdemeanour, and-.be punished accordingly.'' The Boston Saturday Gazette say?, the time is not far distant Avhen the young gentlemen Avell need protection. Their affections are often trifled with, and Aye propose that the member avlio has so ably protected the ladies in their rights should see the bashful tools protected by introducing the following: — " Sec. 3. And'be itfurther enacted, That in case1 any younglady or spinster makes advances towards any unsuspecting and unsophisticated young gentleman, by making love, or pretending to make love, thereby destroying his peace of mind, upsetting his nervous system, and causing him to spend large amounts for silly trifles, bouquets and gloves, and afterwards jilting him; she shall be found guilty of flirting, and be punished for her coquetry, by incarceration in the nearest jail." "Cold Missionary.' -*-Sydney Smith has spoken of " a dish of cold missionary" on the side table of a New Zealand chief's dining-room, and Aye are now told that a young missionary who had reached that distant land beAvailed to a native the loss of his predecessor. He said to the NeAV Zealander, " Then you knew my departed brother ?" " Yes !me deacon in his church." " Ah, Avas he not a good and tenderhearted man ?" " Yes, he good and tender ; me eat a piece of him."

The Gondola Steam-Boats.—-The Steam Gondola Company has been formed with a view to the introduction of a new class of steamers on the Thames. The passengers by these boats Avill be classified into first and second class, and convenient and novel cabins will be introduced into the vessels. The route of the vessels is to be from London-bridge to Battersea-bridge; in the summer season to the pier belonging to Cremorne-gardens, calling at the most important stations on both sides of the river; and y also, during the greater part of the year to Kew and Richmond. The length of the boats will be about 120 feet. The draught of water at the load line will be about 18 inches, and the engines will be from 25 to 30 horse poAver in each boat. There are to be no chimneys, as coke is to be used, and a contrivance will be adopted for carrying off its vapour under the paddle-boxes. The fore part of the boats will be devoted to second-class, and the after part to first-class passengers. The fore deck has no novelty, being simply provided by seats and protected by a rail. In the after part several peculiarities are to be found. A saloon is to be formed, the floor of which will be about tAvo feet below the fore deck, and the roof formed by what is usually known as a "hurricane deck," which rises to a level Avith the top of the paddle-boxes, and which is surmounted by a handrail, for the safety of the promenaders. The saloon is to be glazed Avith plate glass all round ; it is to be fitted with seats and tables with a clear passage down the centre, and is to be furnished with a bar for the supply of refreshments, as in the American river boats, so that the passengers will have the advantage of shelter from the weather Avithout losing the prospects on the river. There will also be a ladies' cabin, suitably fitted up. These boats Avill be a great improvement upon any of those now running upon the Thames. They will combine the form of the gondolas Avhich sail on the Italian waters, Avith the best parts of the American river steamers. They will be painted in gay colours, and decorated, with suitable carvings. These things, added to the brilliancy of the plate glass windows, and the further advantage of the absence of smoke, will give them a very pretty appearance, and no doubt they will become popular and respectable conveyances.— Liverpool Courier. An Irishman being on a visit to some relatives a little more polished than himself, Avas requested, on going to bed, to be careful to extinguish the candle ; he was obliged to ask the meaning of the Avord, when he Avas told it Avas to put it out. He treasured up the term, and one day Avhen he was sitting at home in his cabin with his Avife, enjoying his praties and buttermilk, on the pig unceremoniously Avalking in, he said, (proud of his bit of learning), "Judy, dear,' will you extinguish the pig?" 'f Arrah then, Pat honey, what do you mane ?" "Musha then, you ignorant creature," replied Pat, " it manes, put him out, to be sure."