Odds and Ends.

Lake County Press, Issue 2348, 27 October 1910, Page 7

Odds and Ends.

“Why is it, I wonder, that Wilson has stopped bragging about his ancestors?" “1 suppose he’ll have found out who they were."

Green: “Do you believe that being born under a certain planet has. any effect on a man’s life?" Brown: “Not as long as he is able to stay on earth.”

Golfer on the Green (after several attempts to hole the ball); “What shall I do, caddie?" Caddie; “I should get down on ma knees and blaw it in !” .

Mrs. Woodby: “So Mr. Smart really said he considered me very witty—eh?” Miss Knox: “Not exictly; he said he had to laugh every, time he met you.”

Tailor (to Tommy’s mother, who is ordering her boy’s suit): “Do you wish the shoulders padded?" Tommy: “No, ma, have them pad the seat of the pants!” . ■

“Why did you leave the council meeting before M'Culloch made his speech?" “I thought I’d rather read it in the papers, after the. reporters had put it into shape."

D’Aubist: “Do you think my battle picture expresses, as I have.meant it*, to, all the poignant horrors of war?” vrittick: “Oh, yes; it’s the awfullest .hing I ever saw.” '

Mother: “I wonder what, makes that dog afraid of me? He always behaves as if he thought I was going 10 kill him.”- Little, Daughter: “I expect he’s seen you "whipping me.”

“Woman is considered the weaker vessel,” she remarked, “and yet —” “Well?” he queried, as she hesitated. “And yet,” she continued, “man is more often broke.”

Sandy: “An’ hoo did ye like Canada, John?” “Gosh, it wis only warm yince a’ the time I wis there, an’ that wis when the hoose next door wis on fire.” , ' -

Father (angrily): “If my son marries that actress f shall cut’him off absolutely, and you can tell him so. Legal Adviser : “I know a better plan than that—tell the girl.”

“Every, time the baby looks into my face he smiles,” said Mr. Meek- , ins. “Well,” answered his wife, “it may not be exactly polite, but it shows he has a sense of humour.”

An old beggar-woman stopped a kindly-looking and humorous .visitor, and said:— “Kind gentleman, could you spare a pennv to a poor old woman who is short of breath?” The gentleman gave her a coin with the remark: — . “There you are, my good woman. Now, don’t talk any more, for, though you may be short of breath, what you have is particularly strong.”