Odds and Ends.

Lake County Press, Issue 2168, 9 May 1907, Page 7

Odds and Ends.

RATHER EMBARRASSING. A YOUNG tourist in the mountains who bad been caught in a storm, and who| after much difficulty, had succeeded m making his ivay to ti solitary cottage, congratulated himself on his good fortune when lie was asked to stay the night. After donning a suit of his host's clothes, so that his own might be dried, lie proceeded downstairs, and on the way met the mistress of the house, with a big book in her hand. In the fading light she mistook tho stranger for her husband, and gave him a thump on the head with the book, remarking : 'That's for askin' the boy to stay all night!' WHAT is T>*£ USfc? Jack was praising the trump. ' Many a tramp,'"ho said, is more intelligent and honourable, and has a happier life than the average rich man. Tramps are renowned the world over, too, for their humour. ' I once knew a tramp named Boston Jack. It is said that Jioston Jack knocked on tho back door of a farmhouse one July afternoon and asked for assistance. ' The farmer's wife said sharply to him ; ' Why don't you go to work ? Don't you know that a rolling stone gathers no moss ?' "Madam,' said .Boston Jack, 'without evading your question, may I ask of what practical utility moss would bo to a man in my condition ?'' | LANDED DOV/H. A gentleman was recently being shown over his Yankee friend's art gallery. He was much impressed by a couplo of alleged Ecmbranilts. , ' Those old pictures are very fine—very, lie said. ' Handed down by your ancestors, 1 suppose ?' he added with the suspicion of a, 'Ancestors! Oh dear no,' said the Chicago magnate. ' They nere handed down to mo by the auctioneer, and a pretty long price I paid for 'cm too.'

JUST THE OPPOSITE. 'Like most men,' he said, 'I have niy shortcomings, I suppose, but ' ' Oh, it isn't your shortcomings lather objects to,' Interrupted the girl. ' It's your long stayings.' HARD LINES. This poor fellow was cleaning the great plate glass window of tho first fioor of a mansion, when E—r —r —thud! he slipped and fell to the hard stono sidewalk below. It was a matter of some ten feet. A crowd gathered, full of sympathy. Fortunately the man was not much hurt. Dazed and sore, he raised himself to a sitting posture, and a servant ran to him with a glass of water. Bitterly disappointed, the window-cleaner waved the water aside. ' Only water ?' ho said. ' From what height should I have to fall to get a glass of beer?' WEALTH lit WATER. A hard-headed old Scot had grown rich in the whisky trade. After he had grown rich the old man built himself a line house—a mansion on a hill, with a park around it, with conservatories, stables and out-buildings—in a word, a palace. One day the old man rode in the omnibus pasl his ho"se. A temperance man pointed up at the edifice and said, with a sneer—- ' It was the whisky built that, wasn't it?' ' ]S r a, na, man, the water ' was the reply.

no miss. A gentleman visitmg some relatives was persuaded to try a game of golf. At his first stroke he aimed a terrific blow at the b:ril, scattering the turf to right and left, anil looked around for the result. 'What have 1 hit?' he asked. • Australia, sir,' grullly answered the caddie, who look no pains to conceal his contempt for such an unaccomplished player. FRAJIJU Well, Tommy,' said Spawnger, who had just called, Miope i haven't disturbed your pa and ma at dinner?' ' 3Vo,' replied Tommy, ' tve were just- goin' to sit down, but pa seen y in from the winder and he told ma not to have dinner until you went.' A DAMAGING RETORT ■lames Watford accused Isaac Taylor of stealing three fowls. ' I'ou say you saw mc there ?'said Isaac, cross-examining.—' Yes, I did.' ' Who was with me then ?' —I only saw you.' 'Well, then, I had a dog with mo,' said Isaac, triumphantly. And the Bench laughed, and gave Isaac a month.'