Odds and Ends.

Lake County Press, Issue 2167, 2 May 1907, Page 7

Odds and Ends.

I O.t SAHDS. i T*HE following notice, posted up outside J I the ticket ollicc of tho bathiug playo !On the sands is not without humour :—' Will U.e party who is in the habit of cleaning his brown bo: Is on the bathing-towels, please leave bis boots here before bathing, as we would rather clean his boots than wash tho towels 'it' 1/lE CLUB BO*E ' Jlow did you get Borcly out of yoi.r whist dub ?' Did you ask him to resign '{' ' No, we (l-'lhi't like to do that j but we all resigned except liorely, and then we all t, 0 ' together, and formed a new club.* Jrt"-*A bF!;K./vS, Spifkius (who has long had a desire for ! revenge) : ' All, how d' you do, Miss Ackj riild. I have heard the news. lam sure I | heartily wi*h your liauee joy. Miss A (sou fly) : 'lndeed! I fear you ! have been misinformed, Mr Spifkins. I have no tiauce.' Spifkins : ' Oh—or—quite so. I—l congratulate him.' LlFt'i LITTLE SROMEf. j A shop has been exhibiting some engrav- | ings of celebrated judges (frailed complete), j together with the sinister legend : ' All these are ready for hanging.' | KaM-.R I sat down bc?ide my sweet Ksther, And ardently, fondly earesther; Cut soon Ksther cried, She sobbe .1 and she sied— I don't know whatever posscslhcr !' WORK "10 i><£ POiriT. 'Here is a very good book, sir,' said the paper boy, ' How to Win a Woman.'' • Look here,' said the bald-hcadod passenger, 'if you've got one on how to lose 'em, I'll buy it at your own price.'

A GaKTLE KIN", ' Ave there no times,' said a man, entering the sanctum of the busy editor, ' when you can write better than at others ?' ' Yes.' 'Ah ! I thought so. All men who write are affected by their environment, F have no doubt. .Now tell me, when can you write the best ?' ' When I am alone,' the editor replied. ' Leave the door open as you go out, please.' A CONDITIONAL SUM. Schoolmaster : ' Suppose there are ten shil .ing» to be divided between you and you sister, how much will each of you have?' Pupil: "' That depends on who divides it.' THE TRUTH FOR ONCE. Mrs Payne : ' Why, John, I heard that you lost a lot of money playing bridge.' Mr Payne: 'What? What? I don't know how to play that game!' Mrs Payne: 'Sol was informed by the party who won the money from you.' FORCi OF HABir. Trichord: 'lf you don't want to keep that piano that I let you have on approval, Mr liloggs, 1 wish you would return it.' Puggs (an absent-minded editor) : ' Did you enclose a stamped envelope ?' TIOJBIK akKAD. Shopman at the Stores ; —' When do your folks want the groceries sent up ?' Mr Nomomry (looking worried) : 'They want them yesterday!' WHAT? Stewdeus : ' 1 hear that you had a tough vovnge coming over.' "Miss High Hi: 'Oh, frightfully so! It was such a relief to set foot once more on ' vice versa.'' r— —■ ■ -■ ■ ■ ■ i

! A B G IJIDUCfcMtFtr, Farmer Hoo'jje : ' What be yer paintin' lliiit. bit o' road for? Come up to top o'th* bill, an' I'll showyersometlun'worth paintin' —three miles o' road, all noo metalled!' SPIRIT WaS WJLLING. Teacher (at school treat) : 'Could you eat some more cake, Willie?' Willie: '1 L-ould eat some more, but I couldn't swaller, mum.' Ifi A GKUCtK'a ShOP. Ragged Little Girl (to grocer) : ' It' you please, mister, will you let mother 'are a tree sample of cocoa ami a penn'orth of sugar, ami she'll pay you on Saturday.'