Odds and Ends.

Lake County Press, Issue 2166, 25 April 1907, Page 7

Odds and Ends.

A QUESTION OF TIJrtE. JOHNNY, to please his sisters during the holidays, was reading out from the morning paper au account of a graud ivediling. ' At the appointed hour/ he read, 'the ilcrgyman took his stand at the chaneelmili, and to the music of the 'Wedding March' tho contradicting parties moved Sown the ' 'Not' contradicting,' Johnny,' interrupted ids older sister. '' Contracting.'' ' 'Well,' stoutly contended Johnny,' they'll be contradicting parties after a while !' THE EOC'OR'i MISTAKE, •Doctor,' said a man to his medical attendant, who had just presented a small bill of thirty-five shillings for treatment during a recent illness, ' I have not much ready money. Will you take this out in trade ?' ' Oh, yes,' cheerfully answered the doctor. ' I chink we can arrange that; but what is yoi". business ?' ' I am a cornet player,' was the startling reply, and will begin my part of the contract to-night!' 100 B^D. ' Well, Jackie,, said his father, who is a milit-'a colonel, ' ilhl you sec me marching up the High-st. to-day ?' ' i'es,' said Jackie,' and I wai cross,'.father. They might have let you have a drum to play on like the others had.' TMH B£ST JO-ICY. The boy walked baldly up to his employer's desk. ' Please, sir,' he said, twirling his cap, 'my grandmother ain't dead, and I want the afternoon off to go to a cricket match!' Tho employer was so amazed that he gave the boy leave, and a shilling to spend as well.

SAW THE ' FfIiGMT.'J Oi.'sie : ' Did you Lear of the awful fright Charlie got on his wedding day?' Olive : ' Yes, indeed—l was there and saw her!' MUST BE. ' I haven't seen your sister, you know. la she pretty 1" ' Well, I don't know exactly. But I notice she never has to stand up in a street car.' A WOEFUL WAGGLE. Bobby (wocping) : ' A dog came a-waggin' after nic wben I was comin' home.' Papa : ' Why are yon crying ? Don't you know that when a dog waggles his tail, he always wants to play ?' Bobby : ' But t) is dog. papa, took bold of my trousers and waggled his head.' OF OJtE MIJID. Into the omnibus stepped a hearty woman, with a basket of fish, which she held placidly, as she sat, between her kneos. The young man by her side edged away and drew the skirts of his frock coat around him. ' Uessay you'd rather have a gentleman sitting side o' you ?' said the woman, pleasantly. ' 1 es, T would,' said the young Man. ' Same 'ere !' sighed the woman.

iooks w-:re deceptiy<?, • My stomach lias gone back on me,' complained the man. ' You don't look it, old fellow,' said his doctor. ' L never saw it in u more forward condition.' UNFORTUNATE FOR MA-IJC-L/W. • [ say, cabby, I want you to drive down to the Great Northern at noon and call for my mothcf-in-law. You know her. Uring her up here and I'll give you half a crown.' Cabman : ' Very good, sir. Uut suppose we have an accident?' ' In that case I'll give you half a sovereign.' PROVED Teacher : ' Do lishes grow fast, Jiinmic?' ' Some of them do. My father caught one last year that, grows an inch every time ho tells about it.' >S A SvFl GUARD. IJatcinan : ' I helped my wife put down a carpet yesterday.' Iv.iss : 'What part of the job did you dor' Uateman : ' Oh, 1 did all the manual labour. My wife merely stood fey to see that I didn't put my thoughts into words.' A TALL ONE. Cautious Customer : ' But if he is a young horse, why do his kneos bend so ?' Dealer': 'Well, sir, to tell the 'oncst truth, the poor animal 'as bin living in a stable as was too low for *im, and 'eY ad to