NEW ZEALAND

King Country Chronicle, Volume XXVII, Issue 4403, 10 June 1933, Page 8

NEW ZEALAND

AS AN AUSTRALIAN MIGHT REGARD IT. AN AMUSING ARTICLE. The following: amusing; article appeared recently in the Paisley and Renfrewshire Gazette, Scotland, the contributor being Robert Waterson, a native of Thornliebank:—

Were an Australian asked to write an essay on New Zealand, he might do so in the following manner :

O, wad some pow'r the giftie gie us

j to see oorselves as ithers see us! New Zealand consists of three isI lands discovered by Capt. Cook some I time between the year 1728, in which Ihe was born, and 1779, in which he I died. This was prior to the formaI tion of the New Zealand Farmers’ Union. The islands are entirely surrounded by water, and in consequence, travelling to and from is generally done by boat. It is expected that after seeing the Sydney .Harbour Bridge, the Farmers’ Union will commence an agitation for the Tasman or Cook Strait to be similarly spanned. The North Island is so called because it is nearer to the North Pole than the South Island. Stewart Island owes its name to the fact that it produces large quantities of oysters, and the people subsist mainly on oyster stew —hence the name Stewart.

I New Zealand is owned by the landj lords and run by the politicians. The population consists mostly of I Maoris and Presbyterians. The chief I industries are football, horse racing, I the manufacture of waterproof clothing, goloshes, and Kiwi farmI ing. So much land is occupied by I racecourses, sports grounds, picture I shows and garages, that very little is I available for agricultural purposes, I consequently farming is on the intensive or “close up” system. The territory is so narrow that a proposal to have a broad gauge railway had to be abandoned and the 3ft 6in gauge was adopted. j The practice of dehorning cattle is general—this gives the animals more room. Immediately after shearing, the wool is exported to make room for the tourists who come in the summer.

A Wet Climate. New Zealand has, what would be considered in Australia a wet climate. Fortunately there are some exceptionally high mountains, and in I very wet weather sheep are driven to the tops. This gives the peaks tof Mt. Cook, Mt. Egniont and others a white appearance, often mistaken b/y visitors for snow. Other parts, such as Invercargill}, are exceedingly

dry—so dry, in fact, that proud fathers have to travel long distances to wet the baby’s head, and the Presbyterians have to see the Old Year out and the New Year in over cups of strong tea.

Scientific methods are followed in New Zealand. The soil is scratched with an implement called a plough—a gadget resembling a wheelbarrow with a bad attack of d.t.’s. The principle of a plough is a share, of , which it may have one or more. This is called share-farming. No sugar is produced in New Zealand, but in the early days the Maoris often raised Cain, when the land was filched by the British. The configuration of the Capital City makes its streets very draughty and it is colloquially known as Windy Wellington. This happily and easily remembered way of naming towns has been adopted throughout the Dominion 1 . Other well-known places are Lively Lyttelton, Rumbling Rotorua, Charming Christchurch, Orthodox Otago, Gorsey Gore, Awful Auckland, Careful Canterbury, Dismal Dunedin, ’Appy Ashburton, Terrible Taranaki, Sunny Southland, Insufferable Invercargill, and Fertile Franklin.

The Native Tongue. A small Maori settlement is called a Pah and a large one is called a Grand-pah. Most New Zealanders like to pretend that they can speak the native tongue. On important occasions, such as the commencing of a football battle or farewelling a town, the Maori war cry is given. It is like “Auld Lang Syne”—nobody ever knows a second verse.

At Rotorua and other places there are hot springs. The Railway De-

partment runs cheap excursions to these, and the people go there every summer to do their washing. Bad language is seldom used in New Zealand, except when speaking of taxes or some of the imported pests, such as Communists, gorse, rabbits and big deer —the last-named are distinct from.the little dears who serve in the saloon bars in the wet areas. The trend of political thought in New Zealand is towards Conservatism; it is due to this that so much fodder is conserved. Much of the land is exceedingly fertile. Some of the richest racecourse flats carry as many as nineteen bookmakers to the acre. The inhabitants of New Zealand are very even-tempered. The only time an Aucklander gets really wild is when asked if he comes from the South Island. In like manner an Otago man gets mad when mistaken for a North Islander.

New Zealanders are very hospitable at home, and very tolerant in their views when they travel abroad. Some who have visited Australia have been heard to speak in quite complimentary terms about it—which is further evidence of their high standard of culture.