NOTES BY THE WAY

King Country Chronicle, Volume XXVI, Issue 3403, 6 August 1932, Page 5

NOTES BY THE WAY

(By Rambler.) Doctor: "Young man, you owe your very remarkable recovery to your wife's tender care." Patient: "It's kind of you to tell me, doctor. I shall make out the cheque to my wife." This reminds me of another. A well-known character in bygone days in Dunedin, who was rather inclined to bending his elbow too frequently, was a wonderful weather prophet, and used to supply forecasts to the newspapers. These almost invariably became true and so much appreciated by those engaged in shipping that a collection was made and nearly £IOO realised. The old chap came to hear about this movement, and after waiting patiently to receive the money, went to one of the promoters and asked what the position was. This individual was much embarrassed, and finally had to acknowledge that the money had been handed over to his wife as it was thought that he would spend it in the hotels. The prophet waxed very indignant, and after letting off steam, said: "You get the weather forecasts from my wife in future."

"Dinkum" sends me the following: At the recent reunion of ex-service- ' men at Marakopa, I had the privilege of being a guest at both the dance and the "smoker." One could hear men of various naval and military units discussing events in France, the North Sea, Gallipoli, the Desert, Mesopotamia, etc., in that casual manner of the returned man. I was very amused at one little argument between a hard bitten ex-member of "The Dinks" and an equally well-known and hard bitten ex-member of the Mounteds and Imperial Camel Brigade. Said the Dink, pointing to some port wine being handed round to the "I say 'Hcoshtah,' that's awful stuff to have a 'jag' on. I remember once when in London on leave I had a 'skinful,' and woke up two miles away in 'Scotland Yard.'" Quick came the retort: "That was not very far, Bill. I got about a gallon into me on a farm near Jerusalem and I woke up in the Jordan Valley with 'Jericho Jane' chucking lumps of 'hate' about."

As my geography of the locality was very hazy, I made enquiries and found the latter distance was over thirty miles.

Another excellent raconteur was an ex-naval man at the "Smoker," who started his yarn by saying he was only a "hairy skinned" stoker ex H.M.S Tiger, but his yarn I could only give at a smoke concert.

It is a welcome change to hear that the slump has "touched bottom." For three years we have heard of "turning the corner." These corners appear to be now rounded off, until a circle has been created.

Henry Ford says that prosperity cen be more harmful than adversity. Henry can build good cars, but his ideas of making us cheerful don't impress many.

Mr. H. G. Wells has again been telling the world where all the mistakes have been made this last ten years. We all know these things after they have happened just as well as Wells.

It seems that a reference to the weather was neither Lancaster's, Clark's nor Mrs. Millar's way of opening a conversation, but the question, "What about committing suicide?"

"We have become the most lawless and the most law-ridden nation in the world," says a resolution by a confer-, ence of judges oof the Pacific Coast States of U.S.A., recently. Not wishing to refute the learned judges' statement, and admitting the truth of the first part of the resolution, I feel sure we can at least rival the latter part in our own fair country.

Gas companies in Ireland say that if they are deprived of British coal they must increase the price of gas. Does this apply to Mr. de Valera?

Poor soldiers of Paraguay! They mobilise and are in such a hurry to get away from their wives that they nearly swamped a vessel. But the wives now want to follow. No! war is not what it was.

A member of the Westland Aero Club made a flight to, and over, Marsden last week, and when over the property of a friend, at a height of 200 feet, he attached a bottle of beer to an umbrella, and watched his "contraband" goods parachute to the ground, where it was safely retrieved by his friends. I venture to suggest that had we a few more aeroplanes in Te Kuiti, the shops would be increasing their orders for umbrellas—or perhaps, the bottlers would be providing a parachute with the bottle.

"There is no depression at all; it's just the smallest boom on record," is the wording on a card circulated by a Christchurch builder. Well, perhaps that is why many people are so much against the results of booms. I do, however, certainly agree that the present one is the smallest on record.

The Lancaster trial at Miami, Florida, discloses quite a compact little Suicide Club. Just as effective as the one we had in this town some time back.

It seems quite out of place for a magistrate to attempt to set the fashions, but according to a Coui*t decision at Wellington this week it is not illegal to wear nothing but a loin cloth. Still he must be right, for I must give the various Governments of this country credit for one thing—they have not interfered with the way people want to dress, even though on the Auckland beaches in the sweet summer time nature is very much in evidence.