JUST NONSENSE

King Country Chronicle, Volume XXVI, Issue 3447, 24 March 1932, Page 4 (Supplement)

JUST NONSENSE

A LITTLE LAUGHTER NOW AND THEN-

HAVE A LAUGH. Betty, aged seven, daughter of a suburban household came sulkily into mother the other day obviously with a grievance. Mother asking the reason for Betty's mood, was told: "Alfie won't play fair." "Why, darling, what has Alfie done?" "We're playing families," little daughter explained, " and I'm you, and Alfie is dad. Alfie's got sixpence. I've cried 'n everything, and he's still won't give me fivepence ha'penny of it." * * * * MONEY WORTH. Scotsman (to chemist's assistant): I see you display a notice on your counter, " Life size enlargements from snapshots for 25." Is that true? Assistant: Yes. Scotsman: Well, here's a nice snap of the " Empress of Britain." When shall I call for the life size enlargement ? * * * * NO CHANGE. An Antrim farmer was spending Christmas in Belfast seeing the sights. After a time he came to the Labour Exchange. He stood for a while gazing at a door with a sign. "Women's Exchange." Then he entered and inquired: "Be this the Women's Exchange ? " The clerk, a plain looking woman, replied, "Yes." "And be you the woman?" Once more the clerk replied "Yes." "Then I think I'll stick to Mary, after all," said the farmer. UNDERSTOOD TERMS. The new teacher from the city took up relief duty in a country school, and at the close of a personal talk on "economics," during which she had patiently explained the elemental facts, she asked, "Now, can anyone tell me the difference between buyer and seller?" Up shot Jimmy's hand. "Please miss, we keep the cows in the byre and the coal in the cellar."

SOON SETTLED. Ethel: I told him I didn't want tc see him any more. Jane: What did he say? Ethel: Nothing. He just turned out the light. * * * * *

SHE WAS NEAREST. Mamie: Mother, oh mother, I won first prize at school to-day. Mother: Smart little dear. How did you do it? Mamie: Teacher asked how many horns a bull had, and I said three. Mother: But a bull hasn't three horns. Mamie: I know it hasn't, but the others said four, and I was the closest.

NOT NECESSARY TO LIE AT ALL. "John," said the lawyer's wife, who had recently taken up self-culture, "is it better to lie on the right side or the left side?" "My dear," replied the legal man, "if one is on the right side, it usually isn't necessary to lie at all." * * * * * GREAT GUNS.

Luke McLuke: Boy, we had some time at my wedding. I had a barrel of beer right at my elbow. Mott McPott: That's nothing. When I was married there was a double barrel right at mine. ***** SHE MEANT WELL. "Now, Tommy," said Mrs Murphy,. "I want you to be good while I am out." I'll be good for a penny," replied Tommy. "Tommy," she said. "I want you to remember that you cannot be a son of mine unless you are good for nothing." 6 ** * * * NO NEED TO LIE. "If Robinson Jones calls to-day tell him I'm out." "Yes. sir." "And—er—don't be doing any work when he calls or he'll know you're lying." * * * * * OZONE. Late at night a gentleman rolled out of the door of an exclusive night club and blinked up at the stars. "Gracious!" he exclaimed to the fancily dressed doorman, "what is that strange odour around here ? " "That sir," said the doorman, "is fresh air." *****-

THOSE "BARGAINS." Driver of second-hand car: Do you do repairing here? Garage owner: Yeah, but we don't do manufacturing. ***** A ROARING TRADE. Two Welshmen visiting London for the first time came across an office in one of the main streets. Thinking it was a shop, one of them opened thedoor and called in: "What do you sell, here?"

One of the clerks, thinking to have a joke at the Welshman's expense, answered, "Monkeys." "Well" returned the Welshman, "you must have been doing a roaring ta-ade if there's only two of you left." ***** RIGHT FIRST TIME. The Guest: And which is your daughter? That girl standing next to the funny looking man with the mouthful of teeth and no chin?

The Hostess: Yes, that is my daughter standing next to my husband.