IN HUMOROUS VEIN.

Kaikoura Star, Volume XLIV, Issue 76, 19 September 1924, Page 4

IN HUMOROUS VEIN.

+ Mr T.: “Hang it. Maria, that poodle of yours has bitten a piece clean out of my leg.” Mrs T.: “Oh, how very annoying, Henn.’, when poor Tido is ill, and the doctor said that he mustn’t ' have a bit of meat for at least two weeks. ’ * First Burglar: “Halloa. -Jim! Why you look as if you had been in a railway accident since I saw you last. Whnt ’fl wrung? ’’ Second Burglar: “I got into a house as here the woman was waitin’ up for her husband, and she

mistook me for him.” Young Man: “What do have to pay for a marriage licence?” Facetious Clerk: Well, you get it on the instalment plan. Young Man: How’s that ? Clerk: Thirty shillings down and your entire salary each week for the rest of your life. - ■» * * ♦ * A boy went into a shop to buy a ha’ pennyworth of nuts. The man. at the counter, a cheery, good-natured soul, said to him: You can have them mixed if you like. All right, said the boy, you may put one or two cocoanuts in, if you please.

A forlorn Irishman, reduced to the r last stage of poverty and destitution, aa the last resource made inquiry al | a marine store aa follows:—D’ye buy j rags and bones here? Yes, was the reply. Then, be Jabers, said Pat, ye may pu,t me on the scales, «»-»«» Little Tommy: “Father, may I have that big reference book for a little while?” Proud Father: “Of course you can, my boy; your thoughts are fur- • ning to higher‘.things, I see.” Little • Tommy: “Yt£, father.” Tommy’s mother (to herself two hours later): “Humph! Moro of the jam gone. £ can’t understand how that boy can

r Stranger: Which is the way to the moated grange? Boy: Whoy, yer just I goo up thcer, alongside o’ Master CarI ter’s fields till yer coom to Master William’s, then yer cross Master Smith’s paddock, and up to Master Jones’s, till yer gets to Master Wilk’s, and then it’s about a mile and a half further oop. ♦ • W * * Mrs Brown: “1 admire Dr Young immensely. He is so persevering in face !. of difficulties tl/’.t he always reminds I me of I’atience sitting on a monument.” Mr. Brown—“ Yes, but what I am becoming rather alarmed about is the number of monuments sitting on the patients. ’ ’