JUST LAUGHTER

Hauraki Plains Gazette, Volume XXXXII, Issue 2806, 27 November 1931, Page 4 (Supplement)

JUST LAUGHTER

A LITTLE NONSENSE NOW AND THEN— Sandy (to his wife)?'Stop sewing for a minute and lend me your thimble. Our visitor wants a drink. Wilfred: Who’s Gladys engaged to this week? ■ - * Alfred: There’s no way to be sure, but there's a rumoiir around that it s me ’ * - * * Boring Young Man (holding forth to pretty girl): You know, I’m funnylike that—always throw myself into anything I undertake. s Pretty Girl (sweetly): How splendid! Why don’t you dig a well? * « ♦ * The departing guest had been given, his bill, and shortly .afterwards th# managei’ said to the head waiter: “ You gave the man in room 29 his bill, didn’t you? ” “ Yes, sir,” was the reply. “ I didn’t forget to charge for anything, did I ? ” inquired the manager. “ Not that I know of,” answered the waiter. “ Strange, very strange,” the other, “ I can still Hear him ling.” ' r Alice (acidly): I hear that you’ve accepted Jack. I suppose he never told you he once proposed to me?.” Ethel: “No, not exactly. He merely said that he had done a lot of silly things before meeting me. But I didn’t ask him -what they were." * * * . * .. “ Help! Help! Throw me a lifebelt! ” cried a man who had fallen overborad. • ■ ■ “ Certainly, sir What size are you round the waist? l ’ said the passenger who was a tailor by trade. In the North of Ireland some time ago a young man of the farming class was taking the girl of his hopes and dreams for a walk.* He was anything but a conversationalist; in fact he was so embarrassed he just managed to deliver himself of one remark: “I believe the meal’s up.” When it came to parting time he asked her when he would see her again. She replied: "Better wait till the meal comes down. • - » • * • Jones: Hullo, Smith, you look worried. 1 Smith: Worried! •• I should say so. I’ve lost my glasses, and I can’t look for them until I find- them. • * • Paddy: I know a man who is married for 30 years and.he stays at home every evening, May: Isn’t that wonderful? That’swhat I call real love. ! ■ Paddy: Oh, no,, my dear; it’s rheumatism. ■ * * • • Mother: You were naughty to eat up all those biscuits at tea time. I only put them on the table to fill up space. Tommy: Well, that’s just what I did do with ’em, ma. ♦** • . A new baby brother had arrived Willie Jones s house. “ What is your little brother’s name. Willie? ” asked a friend. “ We don’t know yet,” said the little boy. “ None of us can understand a word he says.” “ Who lives in that big house at the corner, Dennis? ” “The widdy O’Malley, sor, who is dead.” “ Indeed. When did she die ? " “If she’d lived till next Sunday she’d been dead a year.” • » ♦ ♦ Jackson came home after a visit to friends. “ Well,” asked his wife, “ did you see the Jones twins ? ” “ Yes.” “ Oh, George," she went on eagerly, “don’t you think the boy is the picture of his father? ” • “Yes,” he said, “I certainly do. And the girl is the talkie of her mother.” ♦ • ♦ * The visitor to the small travelling circus found two of its junior mem- . bers weeping bitterly. “What’s the matter?" he inquired, kindly, of the’boys. “ The elephant’s -dead,” they sobbed. “ Did you, then, love the big animal so dearly? " asked the visitor. “ Love him, nothin’," said the two together, “The boss has just told us we’ve got to dig his grave! ” *•' » • A little girl of five years old was greatly excited, as she had been invited to a wedding. As the date drew near she plied her mother with all sorts of questions. One day, looking quite sad, she asked: “Mummy, why do they not Want to keep Joan?" Joan was the name of the bride. Mother was rather taken aback, but after a short time was able to see daylight. It appears that the child had heard someone say that the bride was being “ given away" by her brother ♦ * * ♦ He was a new-comer to the bank, and consequently found his duties rather hard to remember; but all this was forgotten when he received his first pay envelope. In a businesslike manner he quickly checked the contents before signs’ ing the receipt. Then his eye caught the words underlined in black: “Y6ur salary is your personal business and a confidential matter. It should not be disclosed to anyone.” The new clerk grinned as he picked up his pen and signed his name. Be- J ‘ low. he added briefly: ’ “ I won’t mention it to anybody. ■ I am as much ashamed of it as you