HUMOUR

Hokitika Guardian, 28 March 1931, Page 6

HUMOUR

Electrician : Here, boy, just put your hand on one of these wires. Boy: Like this Electrician: Yes. Do you ieel anything? Boy: No. Electrician: /Good! 1 wasn’t sure which was which. Don’t touch the other, or you’ll be a dead ’un.

First Coster (outside picture dealer’s window). Who was this ’ere Nero, Bill? Wasn’t he a cliep that was always cold ? Second Coster : No ; that was Zero, antiwar bloke altogether;

She was only [sixteen stone and three quarters, so that when she trod on a, banana-skin she subsided very gently. A polite shopkeeper went to assist ,her to rise from a box of his best new-laid eggs. “Oh, I do hope ] have not broken them!” she cried. “Not at all, madam,” said the polite one; “they are only bent.”

“Always mind vour own business,” said the sage. “It doesn’t pay to get mixed up in other people's quarrels. ’ “I don’t know!” replied the young man, “I’m a lawyer.” ■■■•■-

“Did you give your wife that lecture on economy you said you wore going to?” “1 did.” “Did it have any effect?” “Yes. I’ve got to make mv last vear’s suit do for this.” -

Teacher: James, in your composition on George Washington you say that he cut. down a cherry -tree, with a saw. Don’t you know lie-chapped it dpAyh with, it hatchet? James ; Yes’m, but 1 didn’t know how to spell hatchet.

Levi: I don’t know what to think of you Cohen. You bought a piano the other day on the instalment plan : you paid a pound down, and the next week you lot them take the piano away from you. Wliat kind of business do you call that? Cohen: Well, it cost them two pounds to move it. “But what do you make out of it?” “I made a pound. Aly son moved it.”*"'

The vicar’s old housekeeper was in the ha hit of singing early every morning. “I wish you would not sing that frivolous song again,” said the vicar gently. “Well, sir,’.’ w;vs the reply,“it ain’t frivolous. That’s what I c6pk the eggs by—two verses for soft and four for bird!”

A man paid a visit to a boxing instructor. “( want to fake up boxing.” be said. “Aly ' wife ” “But you ought not -to fight your wife, sir,” interposed the instructor.

“You misunderstand me,” was the reply, d] want to learn ““.t'liid pirnishmeiit'.”- ’ ' ’ . •" " •

A merchant, was interviewing two small boys who bad applied for the position of office boy. One of the boys produced a testimonial from a clergyman.

“Well, sir,” said the other boy, “you won’t want me on Sundays. I’ve Siot a reference from someone who knows me on weeks days.”

Two boys halted before a brass plate fixed oTi' "tf lie front of !i 'Oii “it’ was inscribed inf bold .letters the word, “Chiropodist.” “Cliirnipodist!” remarked one of them. “What’s that?”

“Why,” replied his . companion, “a cliirnipodist' is a chap who teaches canaries to whistle.” • d