THE SEAMY SIDE

Hokitika Guardian, 19 December 1925, Page 4

THE SEAMY SIDE

TAI ES TOLD TO THE MACISTR VI E. ( 11. E. (.'order in "Daily .Mail.") Domestic problems are solved every Thur-day in l lie secmd conn ai \Villo“den. where .Mr Luke. I lie chairman, dispenses wisdom spited with epigrams like a benevolent uncle pursued by warring relatives. No drunken men. thieves, burglars, highway robbers, ami forgers are seen in ll;e second court, which deijls only with life’s little worries which, alter all. are the things tlial matter. Clotheslines, dogs, wayward sons, troublous tenants do not make sensational reading. hut they make up the sum of suburban life, and these small episodes in obscure lives supply not only a causelist for Willesden’s second court, hut they are domestic sins told in a public confessional.

Ycsterday wo had two problems in clothes-lines. First there was the case of a young wife who had dyed her garments and the colour scheme had offended the artistic sense of the landlady, who distributed them over the garden. “Then,” said the young wife,” “there was a row. She scratched my throat anil I flew hack at her. Last year she hit mo and 1 let it go, hut when she threw my clothes in the mud I lost mv temper and let her have it. And I think I ought to have a summons,” and Mr Luke agreed.

Then canto n middle-aged woman with a grievance against the cousin of her hnsbalml. “Site will hang her washing on my line on her wrong day/ complained the injured wife,

"and because I have given her notice .she keeps on washing out of her turn.” “AYe shall hear the case when the notices are due.” remarked Mr Luke, who added feelingly. "Clothes-lines are a curse.”

Rid of the washing, we tame to the tlog that, plays with children Inii. bites cyclists. This dog. described as a mongrel. a half-bred Irish terrier, and a black and white terror, is owned by a cycle dealer, whose hobby is chickens. As he was losing chickens faster than he could rear them, he bought the dog and placed it on guard. ITifortunntely, the dog not only protected the chickens but took a violent dislike to any cylist who was not riding liis master’s machines. He bit n widow on the left leg, set liis teeth in a road foreman’s calf, and chased a policeman off his heat. “He is a very dangerous dog,” said the constable. ”T would not touch him for a week’s pay.” “He isn’t really dangerous,” protested the owner. “He plays with all the children in the district, hut he doesn’t like cyclists.” It was a case of wheel and woe. for Mr Luke signed the mongrel's dentil warrant, and in addition fined the owner 10s. The dog’s master did not mind the fine, but tho death sentence on liis dog brought tears to his eyes. “My sister-in-law has deserted her eliiltlrein." declared an indignant matron,, “and before she left she threw the baby on the Hour." “Tiiform an officer of the X.5.P.0.C.." advised the magistrate. “Mv wife has pawned my suit and refuses t.> give me the ticket, f can’t go to work like this: look at me,” said an n'lttgry 'husband. “She’s got a separation order, and now she won't let me alone.” “I have already warned her not to molest him,” saief the court missionary. “She must leave him alone or I will i

reduce the order,” said tho magistrate. “And wlmt about my suit? Can’t you make her give up the ticket?” demanded the husband. “I can’t go aliout like this.” “Next please,” interrupted the usher.

“My husband has gone away with another woman and taken €5 and my marriage certificate and she is calling 1 herself by niy names,” complained a middle-aged woman who requested a warrant. “The law does not let me give you a warrant for desertion,” explained Air Clark Hall. “Then what about my £s’” asked the wife. “It’s my hard earnings.” “That would he theft under the Married Woman’s Property Act,” decided the magistrate, who solved the problem by saying that the guardians could apply for a warrant against the husband. “ Four shillings a week for two rooms; that is an extraordinarily low rent,” remarked Mr Luke to a landlady who wanted to get rid of her tenant. “ I know it is.” replied the landlady wearily, “but she got it cheap and she stops dear. She spends a lot of time shouting in the corridor till three o’clock in tile morning.” A young man who had a room next door to the shouting tenant declared plaintively that he had lost a day s work through her. *' I went to the police station, and saw a sergeant, ’ he said. “The sergeant sent me to the borough council officials, and a clerk there sent me to the hoard of guradiaus. and the board ol guardians sent me to the relieving officer, and the relieving officer sent, me to the uoliee court, aml here I am.” “Take a seat.” murmured Air Luke sy m latholically. “About this woman.” he added, “ is she sober?” “ Sometimes.” admitted the young tenant. The man who collected tho rent declared that tho tenant, was a. terror. “ When I called,” he said, “ she started on her son, then she started on me, and she left me to start on another son who had just come in. hut left hurriedlv.”

“She had hotter go in 21 days,” declared Air Luke. “ What shall we do about Frank?” inquired a nervous, middle-aged man. “Proceed and expound,” encouraged Mr Luke. “ Frank.” continued the applicant. “ threatened my life with a razor. He is now in Wormwood Scrubs doing I I days, and 1 don’t know what to do with him when lie comes out. Of course T can lock up mv razors, hut where has lie got to go?” •• Perhaps a dose of Wormwood Scrubs has cured his weakness for razors,” suggested AH* Luke. “ AH* advice is, hope for the best.” Willexden is a delight.

“ Afy life is being made a misery by postcards,” declared a middle-aged man. who explained that a woman got an order against him, and because ho could not send her money through being out of work she bombarded him with postcards. He handed up specimens to the Bench, and Air Luke reading from a sample quoted. “ A'ou arc a coward and a cry baby.”

"That is the wrong one,” remarked tlie applicant hastily. “You read .Monday's.” Mr l.uke read Alonday’s and observed. “ \"erv unpleasant, hilt not

actionable. Those cards are in very had tasie, hip they are verv human.

It is unpleasant for you to receive them, but it is equally unpleasant for her to get no money. AYc can do nothing for you.” “file lives in a laundry and was cleansed at the clinic,” said a woman health visitor coining a sentence that should he set to music. Air Luke, who is himself a. writer of some ability, repeated softly the wonderful illiteration of the rhythmic phrase. Tapping his pencil on the pad. he murmured. “ She lives in a laundry and was cleansed at a clinic." And I have been saying noihing else for the last six hours. It R as had as Mark Twain’s " Punch, hroil'ci punch wilh care.” Having passed it. mi I feel better. Anyhow, Ihe child lived in a laundry which had ceased to opera to as such, and had to he forcibly washed before she could attend school, TALES TOLD TO THE MAGISTRATE R. E. ( order in t lie " Daily Mail.’”! Sweethearts stood in tile dock at l*ld street Police Court yesterday, when the girl's Ini her described a fight he had with his (laughter's young man. The father hail been in hospital for two or three weeks, and it will lie throe months, said a doctor, before he rerovers the use of his shoulder, hut he had only himself to blame, as he elieorfullv

admitted to Mr Clarke Hall, lhe magistrate. “ Xante of William Wills, sir,” he began, with a genial nod. “ I live in Maria-street ; that's my eldest daughter, am! him beside her is Iter young man.” | “And what happened on the night of. Wednesday, September 23?” asked the magistrate. “ You had a row with i your wife?” j " I did. sir, and just before six T * went out and line) a ride round.” “ Ah, where did you stop?” “ At the public-houses, a lot of pub-lic-houses.” j “ And got the worse for the drink.” j “ You are right, sir. 1 got home ! just before ten and went into the I kitchen, and—” j “ Had another row with your wife?” : ” You are right again, sir. I said ‘Good evening, everybody.’ and my | wile was cleaning mussels, and I kick-1 oil up a row because my supper was not , ready. Aly daughter’s young man said , if anybody interfered with tier they would have to interfere with him. so T interfered with him and punched him in the face. Then we went outside, and had a hit of a .skirmish, hut every time I tried to hit him I fell down and must have hurt mv shoulder.”

“ And then you started to break up the happy home.” suggested the magistrate.

“ Quite right, sir. 1. went inside and knocked all the ornaments off the dresser and the parlour, where it was dark, and I fell down among the broken pieces and cut mv face before my daughter pulled me out of the parlour.” “He is a very good husband and father when lie is not drunk,” said the mother and the daughter agreed. ■ AH- C’larkc ball dismissed the charge of assault and the handsome young couple assisted the mother to help the father out ot court, and as he promised to sign the pledge it was a very happy ' family that went home to Maria-street. j