BACHELORS' BANQUET.

Hawera & Normanby Star, Volume XLVIII, Issue XLVIII, 12 January 1924, Page 10

BACHELORS' BANQUET.

■ —T-*—-, —.: ' • J GLOATING OVER CELIBACY. Boasting of their freedom, hurling gibes at matrimonial chains, 38 bachelor members of the British Parliament celebrated a secret fete, when - they wined, dined and congratulated onp another on their escapes from feminine wiles. The celebateg should hare numbered •no more. x But, unfortunately, an esteemed member, Oliver Locker Lamp- ' eon, nephew of the poet Tennyson, had ! succumbed tlie evening before and had > become engaged to bo married. Shame kept him absent. > It was a merry meeting, and the i sounds of laughter and gong intrigued i the sis hundred odd members of Pari liament who were not qualified for ad--1 mission. The fun waxed faster and i more furious as the evening went on, but the doors were barred, and the ■ tinkling of glasses was not any coni solation to the married ones who sought ■ entry. I. Sir Robert Home, ex-Chano»Jlor of i the Exchequer, presided. The floral ■ decorations consisted of such flowers as t bachelors' buttons, love lies bleeding, r and love in a mist. The first toast ■ was that oftho Prince of Wales—"the > best and most popular, bachelor." ; The chairman gave the toast of ' 'Per- > petual Celibacy/ and he adorned it t with some stories. Said he: • . "A bridegroom and his groomsman \ were at the altar" awaiting the bride. The bridegroom became very white, and j seemed about to faint. . " 'What's wrang wi* ye, Jock? 1 askI ed the groomsman. 'Veer face is like . chalk. Hae ye lost onything. Uae ye . lost the ring?' 4 . "*r''No/ was the reply. 'But"a doot i a've lost ma/enthusiasm.' " r 5 A Scotswoman, said Sir Kobert j Home, was commenting on men in , general. x '"Men are jist like teeth." she said. y \ "They are ill to get. When ye get ) them they am a constant source of I vexation, and when ye lose tbxvi, what b a g»p"they leave!" 5 , A nusband was getting tired of his j wife, and a. mutual friaud, discussing t the lady and remembar.ng that .irars riages are made in haeveirt, J«claret?. j. "She may be God's workmanship, but [. she is not a masterpioce."' l j "In these days of 'iants of wiirxr*," l concluded_Sir Robert Home' "we are .'^Wdthat women no 'pntrer •-in alter _ men. The mouse trap" never runs ' after the mouse." • Home divided bachelors into chiee r categories:— • I I.—Those who aro filler? with the romantic idea that so ne time they j would come across the ideals of thrjr r dreams. At any time they njigbi. Lave > to bemoan for.J,he loss? of thsso. 2.—^Those who would not irefc lunrried because they woulJ iiot be Loth- . ered. Even they werp «/, safe. > ! 3.—The group, of which he was the - only member present, who had not Wn 5 able to induce any woman to take an 5 interest in them. > "Bonar Law," concluded Home, J "once made up'his mind to tax bach- ; elors. He happened to he> Chancellor t of the Kxohenuer at the time. I said 1 t( * nim: 'It:' is contrary to all imnciples of Bntish taxation. We believe that people should only be taxed on their successes. " 'You intend to tax ns on our'faili ures, and I chall be able to prove by , producing girls who have rejected me '< that I am neither a passive resister nor a consc:entrious objector.' " ; _ "Ba/ihelbrdom,"' said Tx>rd Hii.-^h *_^11, 'is in its essence Conservntivo I Yon are born a bachelor and 'die a I bachelor. You stick to tradition. I ' cannot quite envisage ». Liberal or a i L«nn7j r jfe a bachelor. It is a contra- j diction in terms. Woman is the re- ! vo.l-.itiona.ry-;. the bachelor is conserve- ! tive. - - J j "We hare young-men among, us p-fco \ are not like the old men in the safe | anchorage of bachelordom. They- are i be>et by terrible dangers. They are -. not like me. I have climbed to the j summit of tV rock^-ord am «nfe from ' the cruel, devastating foam of a^gres- ' sive feminity. '^ j i "Oie of the greatest pleasures of +h^ blessfi/1 is in contemplating the • tortures of the damned." i