HUMOUR OF THE GAME.

Hawera & Normanby Star, Volume XLII, Issue XLII, 6 January 1923, Page 3

HUMOUR OF THE GAME.

I HEARD AT A RECENT TOURNA- | MENT. j (By "Rubber Bowl," in the Dominion.) To those who do not understand the rules (and to those who know them and do not always obey them) there is a world of humour in the game of bowls which has not yet been smirched by the vaudevillian. Some of the "wheezes" are as old as the game, and some bubble un fresh and sparkling as the result"of the peculiar characteristics of a shot—good, bad, or indifferent. Some bowlers lay themselves out to be funny. Just as there are theatrical footballers and golfers, §o there are bowlers who play to the bank (in other words the gallery). But the purest wit concomitant to the game is that which is more often spoken unconsciously. Having been a spectator to last week's tournament I jotted down a few of the casual observations heard here and there, and record them as a protest against bowls being considered a slow or dull game. i One dour, determined, stolid old Scotch skip, with a halo of many tournament wins around him, becoming disgusted with his lead for bowling the jack into the ditch, said: j "A man who cannot throw the jaeck will never make a bowler." ! A few minutes later the same lead drew a magnificent shot iust behind the jack. i "Good mon!" said the old skip."Y're a great lead, I'm tellin' yer!" ' On a bowl with ran "narrow," ! "You're as thin as a chicken's lip!" ! To a wide one, "What are ye doin' theer —out in the suburbs?" i Skip's instructions: "I want you to come in here a yard gone on this hand to rest the shot or trail the kitty to our back ones. Don't lose your bowl and slip that one in front—it's againsfc us." This is a perfectly clear instruction, no doubt, to a bowler, but to the uninitiated it would be Greek. j I "Ye're as narrow as a Presbyterian!" ; This to a bowler who had omitted to' take sufficient "green" to enable him j ito make the precise parabolic curve up; to the jack. "Take more paddock j next time!" advised the skip. | "Crack an egg on this one*!" was an instruction which did not even raise a smile. i ; "Give this front bowl the once over and we'll lie the shot!" sounded quite' American, though bowls in the States is just plain old-fashioned skittles. I I "Smash 'em up—they've got no' friends!" This to a No. 3 about to. drive. j _ "This bowl is in your way. Come' in wide on the back hand and finish. at my feet What the dev-^— j You're a ditcher!" This as a player' bowled too fast and landed his wood in the ditch at the end of the green. "As wide as the gasworks!" "It's a toucher! That's the stuff to give 'em!" "This isn't cricket!" This remark ■> to a player who would, illegally, fol- ; low his bowl down the green by gently trotting after it, keenly interested in its fate. "Great shot! You draw like Dana Gibson!" "Here's one wi' mair character Whirrup! Just missed, Charlie!"