HUMOR, THE PULPIT.

Hawera & Normanby Star, Volume LXV, Issue LXV, 20 December 1913, Page 12

HUMOR, THE PULPIT.

"BULLS" OF CLERGYMEN.

It was Dr. Cosmo Gordon Lang, Archbishop of Yoi'k, who, when he was Bishop of Stepney, remarked, * apropos of the children of the East End, "They are doing a great deal to rebuke the | tendency of the clergy to become middle-aged in spirit—dull, morose, and superior." And he told one of his favorite stories of an East End cleric who was feeling lifeless and disconsolate on setting out on his daily round of visits, when a little urchin looked v.p at him with a cheerful eye. and knowing smile, and said: " 'UHo, young man!" "The greeting quite *et the person up for the rest of the day,' Br. Lang declares. _ And it was Dr. Ingram, Bishop of London, who once declared that "a sense of humor is essential to success. If a young man has no sense of humor I would keep him at college until he got one." BTJLLg AND BLUNDERS.

But although many clergymen seem to lack that sense of humor which is so essential if their work is to be successful and popular, there are occasions when they themselves are the cause, unconsciously, of much amusement to others. In his ihook "The Humorous Side of the Pulpit," the Rev. W. Cowan tells, for instance, how the "bull" at times arouses the* risibilities of the congregation, and plays havoc with the solemnity of the occasion.. It is said, for instance, of the eloquent Bishop of Ripon, that he once made the following appeal from thd pulP1 "Brethren, I beg of you to lake bold of'your heart, and look it straight in the face," which is almost as bad ac the Irish Roman Catholic priest' who^warned his hearers in these words: "If you don't 'obey your spiritual Father, you will go I*> the bottom of the bottomless pit" And it was a clergyman of the same country who, in a sermon on Grace, ended with these words: "My brethren, if you have in your hearts wan spark of heavenly grace, wather it, wather it continually."

j FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS. The following is' said to have been a preacher's peroration: "We pursue the shadow j the bubble bursts, lV'leaves the ashes in our hands." A London preacher a short time ago invited "young men and women of «\'l feges to Pttend his meetings, which reminds one of the memorable exordium of the nervous curate: "Youngladies, or perhaps I should say young women, for I wish to embrace you all." Nervousness is, indeed, accountable for some curious mistakes and laughable incidents. The preacher must have been nervous who gave out his text, "Heaviness may endure for a joy, but night cometh m the

morning." i Apparently it is dangerous for the young clergyman to fish for compliments. There is a story of a reverend I divine who once asked the sexton how he liked the sermon. "I didn't like it at all," candidly answered that worthy. "Why, pray?" enquired the preacher. "First, because you read it; secondly, because you'read it very badly; and thirdly, because it was not worth reading." And there was another, young man very vain of his accomplishments as a preacher, who, after officiating at a certain service .for a Scotch minster who occasionally had to avail himself of the assistance of probationers, was met by the old gentleman with extended han^s as he descended from the pulpit, Expecting high praise, he said: "No compliments, I pray." "Nay, nay, my young friend*" said the parson; "nowadays Fm glad o' onybody." INAPPROPRIATE TEXTS. Mr Cowan points out that preachers have a remarkable lack of commonsense when choosing their texts. He has heard of an Edinburgh minister who preached a sermon on a miserly brother cleric from the words "And the beggar died." Another cleric, in preaching to a society of physicians, announced as. his text, "A certain woman. . . who had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing better, but rather grew worse." '. There is a story, too, told of an old Evangelical clergyman, who had a son in. orders.- The young man became a full-blown Kftualist. On one occasion the father paid a visit to his son, who asked him to preach in his church. For some time the. old man refused, but pressed to do so, he at Jength consenteed, and chose the text, "Lord, have mercy upon my son, for he is a lunatic."

There are many other gems in Mr Cowan's book, and one might conclude with a couple of 'stories in which the late Mr Gladstone and Lord Salisbury figure respectively. One day Mrs Gladstone was discussing with some ladies a knotty problem, while her distinguished husband was busy with his studies upstairs. As the discussion proceeded one of the ladies exclaimed with a sigh: "Well, there is One above who knows it all." "Yes," responded Mrs Gladstone, "William will be down directly and he will tell us all about it." The other, story concerns a certain bishop, with rather a reputation for verbosity, who icse to iddress tbe House of Lords on some important question. He began: "I will divide my speech into twelve heads.' His listeners shivered and thought of the door. Just then Lord Salisbury got on his legs and begged to interenose with a little anecdote. "A friend of mine," said the noble marquis, "was retiring home late one night, when, opposite St. Paul's he saw a drunken man trying to ascertain the time on the big clock "there. At that moment it began to strike, and slowly tolled out twelve. The man listened, looked hard at the clock, and said: Confound you, why couldn't you have said that all at once?' " The I chamber, needless to say, resounded with laughter, in which the bishoo %£*&>& and > what is m™>

Prejudices are most difficult to eradicate . from the heart whose soil has never *been loosened or fertilised *by education. They grow there firm as weeds among stones.

.General Venustiano Carranza, recoef^L m- V°^' er amon X thfi revolutionists, in Mexico, and who is a future Presidential possibility in Mexico. i« a lawjer of ability, having practised his profession with success in his native Sstate. He is a towering figure standing over 6 feet, owns many miles of grazing lands, and lias been one of the country s largest cattlemen. During r w l lfo~7 he » between fifty and sixtyhe has herded cattle, cut down frees ', prospected for minerals, and labored in the fields. Calm,, shrewd, methodical, fearless, yet it is; said he hates bloods shed. What he wants for his followers he. takes, but' he rules lv» men with.! a hand of iron. '■■••.''