MERRIER MOMENTS.

Hawera & Normanby Star, Volume LI, Issue 9065, 10 April 1906, Page 2

MERRIER MOMENTS.

FAMILIES SUPPLIED. Auntie (to her young niece) : "Guess what I know, Mary — there's a little baby brother upstairs! He came this morning when you were asleep." Mary: "Did he? Then I know who brought him — it was the milkman." "What do you mean, Mary?" "Why, I looked at the sign on his cart yesterday, and it said : 'Families supplied daily.' " THE BACHELOR'S COMMENT. "This paper says," remarked the callow youth, "that the bride was supported to the altar by her father." "Yes, 1 ' growled the savage bachelor, "and I'm offering odds of fifty to one that he'll hare to keep on supporting her." NOT WORKING. Bleeker — "Hello, old mam! I see you are operating the typewriter yourself now. What became of that pretty stenographer you used to have?" Meeker — "Oh, she quit her job to get married, I'm sorry to say." Bleeker — "Indeed ! Who is her busband?" Meeker — "I am." FICKLE WOMAN. Museum Lecturer — "The bearded lady's husband has been dead only two months, yet she's sprucing up agaan." Manager — "What are the symptoms?" Museum Manager — "Why, tlus afternoon she appears on the plattorm with her whiskers trimmed Vandyke style." KNOWS WHEN TO STOP. Cassidy — "Some mm don't know how to drink. Now, whin I've had enough, I fitop." Casey — "Ay coorse; whin ye've had what ye call enough, ye've too hilpless to Taise yer arm." HAD COLIC SOME. There once was a babe who was frolicsome, And people said, "Isn't he rollicksome!" "Ah, yes!" said his dad, With a smile that was sad. "We frolic each night — for he's colicsome!" PROOF POSITIVE. "Is your little brother in the house, Jimmy?" "Sure he is. Don't yer see dat shirt of his hanging' on. the 'line?" A TREASURE RECOVERED. An old man named Kuss was buried in Egregy, Hungary,' with his fortune of 17,500 dollars in his coffin. His relatives heard of it, and exhumed the body and divided, the money. He was a mean Kuss. A LIGHT REMEDY. A quack doctor, whose treatment had evidently led to the death of his patient, was examined sternly by the coroner. "What did you give the pooT fellow:" asked the coroner. "Ipecacuanaha," 6ir." "You might jusfc as well have given him the aurora bor-eallis," said the coroner. "Well, sir, that's just what I was going to give him when he died." WHY HE DIDN'T CARE. "Mark my words," declared Mrs Dorcas, laying down the law to her long-suffer-ing helpmate, "by the end of the century woman will have the rights she is fighting for. " "I don't care if she does," replied Dorcas. ( "Do you mean it?" ciried his wife. "Have I at last brought you around to my way of thinking? Won't you really, care?" "Not a bit, my dear," returned her husband, resignedly. "I'll be dead then." NO ENTHUSIASM. First Anarchist— "Vy you atjourn zo zoon at dot dynamite clup last night?" Second Anarchist — "Dere vas no enthusiasm." "Vat? No enthusiasm vor liperty, equality und fraternity?" "Not a pit. We run out' off peer."THOROUGHLY TJP TO DATE. Jinks — "No use working myself to death any longer. I'm going to become a Wall street operator." Winks— "Well, I'll sell you my seat in the Stock Exchange for sixty thousand dollars." Jinks — "Huh. I can get a seat in Congress for one-tenth of that." THE AMENDE HONORABLE. Indignant Citizen — "See here, sir! You reported in your paper tnat I was going around witli a black eye. It's abominably false, sir. lam suffering from granulosis, and have to wear a patch to keep the light out." Editor — ."I don't like to make corrections, my friend, but I'll fix it all right in the" paper to-morrow. I'll announce that your antagonist is in bed with two black eyes." VALUE v. BEAUTY. Husband-— "Why do you hang those lace curtains straight up amd down?" Wife— "Why, my dear, if I should draw them back into graceful folds, no one would know that they are real." NOT THE WIRES. Broker — "What's the matter with that telephone? Are the wires crossed?" Clerk — "No, I guees the 'Central' girl has been crossed. ■