WHY HE DIDN'T REMOVE IT IN THE JURY-BOX. MR MIX'S TOP HAT.

Hawera & Normanby Star, Volume L, Issue 9000, 24 January 1906, Page 2

WHY HE DIDN'T REMOVE IT IN THE JURY-BOX.

MR MIX'S TOP HAT.

, Mr Mix is bald, and, in. ordev to induce his hair to grow again, he is using a very excellent "hair restorer" upon his scalp. Some time ago he was called as a jury- _ man, and upon the day of trial, just before the hour at which the Court met, he remembered that he had not applied the "restorer" to his head that morning. He had only a few minutes to spare, but he flew upstairs and into the dark cupboard where he, kept the bottle, and, pouring some fluid upon a sponge, he rubbed bis head energetically. By gome mishap Mr Mix got hold of the wrong bottle, and the substance with which he inundated his scalp was not restorer, but black varnish with which Mrs Mix decorated her shoes. However, Mr Mix didn't perceive the mistake, but darted downstairs, put on his hat, and walked off to the courthouse. It was a very cold morning, and by the time Mix reached his destination the varnish was as stiff as a stone. He felt a little uncomfortable about the head, and endeavored to remove bis hat to discover the cause of the difficulty, but to his dismay it was immovable. It, was glued fast to the skin, and his efforts to take it off gave ham frightful pain. Just then Be heard his name called, and he had to go into court to answer. He was wild with apprehension of coming trouble ; but he took his seat in the jurybox, and determined to explain the situation to the court at the earliest possible moment. As he sat there with a guilty feeling in his soul it seemed to him that bis hat kept getting bigger and bigger, until it appeared to him as large as a shot tower. Then Ec was conscious that the lawyers were stating him. Then the clerk looked haTd at him, and screamed : "Hate off in court!" anfl Mix grew crimson. "Hats off!" yelled the clerk again, and Mir was about to reply when the judge came in, As his eye rested on Mix he said : "Persons in tEe Court must remove their hats." ' "May it please your lordship, I kept my hat on because " "Well, sir, you must take it off now." "But I say I kept it on because " "We don't "want any arguments upon the subject, sir. Take your hat off instantJy," 6aid the judge. "But you don't let me " "Remove- fr&at hat tnis moment, sir ! Are you going to bandy words with me, a^ajSgr? Uncover your head a* once!" 'Tour lordship, if you. wOl only give me a chance to——" "This is intolerable! Do you mean to profane this sacred temple of justice with untimely levity? Take your hat off, sir, or I will fine you for contempt. Do you hear me?" "Well, it's very hard that I can't 6ay a word of ex " "This is too much," said the judge, warmly ; "this is just a little too much. Perhaps you would like to come^upon the bench here and sentence a few prisoners? Mr Clerk, record a fine of forty shillings. Now, air, Temove yonr Eat." r "Yonr lordship, this as pretty rough on me, I " "Won't So it yet?" said the judge furiously. "Why, you impudent scoundrel, I've a good mind to —Mr Clerk) fine him forty shillings more, and, Mr Smicksmac, yon go and take, that hat off by force." Then €he usher approached Mix, who was by this time half crazy witK wrath, and hit the hat with his stick. ' It did not move. Then he struck it again, and caved in the crown; but it still remained on Mix's head. Then he picked up- a volume of "Brown on Evidence," and smashed the crown an flat. Then Mix sprang at him, and shaking his fist under the nose of Smicksmac, he shrieked: "You miserable scullion, I've half a notion to kill you! If that jackass on the bench had any sense he could see that the hat was glued fast. I can't take it off if I wanted to, and I wouldn't take it off now if I could." Then the judge removed She fines and excused him, and Mix went home. He slept in hie hat for a week, and even when it came off, the top of his head looked as black as if he had had it cawfully Japanned.