A RARE ADVERTISER.

Hawera & Normanby Star, Volume V, Issue 762, 1 April 1884, Page 3

A RARE ADVERTISER.

" I would like to have this advertisement inserted."

This is a slogan that would resurrect a dead man behind a newspaper counter, and the clerk turned as if moved by an electric current, and ejaculated — " Yes, sir — want the top of the column, I s'pose ?"

No — I'm not particular," said the advertiser.

" Want it inside, next the leading editorial f"

" Either page will answer," replied the other.

" Want a death's head and marrow bones or red ink to make it attractive, or a portrait of the advertiser with long hair and a turndown shirtcollar?"

"Clear type, black ink, and white paper are good enough for me," was the response.

" All right — want head-line in type an inch longer than Jenkins' ad., in next column, or will you have it upside down, or your name in crooked letters like forked lightning all over it?"

"No — a plain straightforward advertisement in the space of 4> inches will answer my purpose."

" Good enough. Want about ten inches of notice free, don't you ? Family history — how jour grandfather blacked Washington's boots once ; mention of yourself as a member of the circulating library, church fire company, co-operative store, and other important public positions ?"

The customer said he did not care for any notice.

" Of course," said the clerk, " you want a free paper sent to each member of the firm, one for yourself, and the privilege of taking half a dozen copies off the counter every week for the next year or two because you advertise."

The gentleman expected to pay for his paper, and asked the price of the advertisement.

The delighted clerk figured it up and then asked :

" If we send you the bill around in about a year you can tell the boy when to call again, can't you ?" " No •, I will pay you now," said the other, taking out a roll of bills.

The newspaper man's eyes as he said;

" Ah ! you want to ask for seventyfive per cent discount, and twentyfive per cent off for cash ?"

" I'm ready to pay a fair price for value received. Tell me your regular rates, and here is the money.

A beatific expression spread over the wan face of the worn clerk, as he mnr mured.

Stranger, when did you come down, and when do you expect the apostles along?" — Boston Commercial Bulletin.