TELEGRAMS OF THE FUTURE.

Hawera & Normanby Star, Volume II, Issue 179, 30 November 1881, Page 2 (Supplement)

TELEGRAMS OF THE FUTURE.

If matters continue to progress in the same line as they hare lately we may expect to wake up some morning and read telegrams like the following: " Queen Victoria feels no anxiety. Windsor Castle is guarded by 200,000 men. No nitro-glycerine has been found in the royal apartments since last Monday. Some villains put dynamite into the Prince of Wales' horse on Tuesday, and when out riding in the Long Walk the animal blew up. The Prince was thrown violently into the air, but landed safely on the top of one of the beautiful Druid oaks. He afterwards drove down to Eton and took lunch with Dr. Goodford." " Berlin, August 21st. — Emperor William just found four pins in a mutton chop ; they were all loaded with arsenic and cleverly bored out. He gave it to a pet dog, which bolted it and died in three minutes. The Emperor is in excellent spirits." " St. Petersburg, August 22nd. — Entire royal family blown up. Buried Alexander the Third's left ear — -all that could be found of him. Requiem Mass held for the missing portions. Back comb of Czarina just found four miles out of the town. Requiem will be held, and back comb put in coffin. Some singed hair found in Siberia, supposed to belong to Prince Bolgorowsckiwitz, will be buried on arival. No news of any importance.