Humour.

Hawera & Normanby Star, Volume I, Issue 62, 13 November 1880, Page 2 (Supplement)

Humour.

. LEARNING TO SWIM. . it that's a fact," said Mr. Hopkins, as he laid down his paper the other ,evening, . "every man, woman and child in the country- onght to know how to swim. No one oan tell what minute he will be upset, blown up, or knocked overboard. Amanda, I'm going to learn yon how to swim." "Learn meP/' queried the wife* as she paused in her sewing. 4 " Tea, yon. Tour life is very precious to me, and I don't want you to lose it because * you . can't Bwim ashore when an accident takes place. I can swim like a' duck myself, and I feel guilty to think we've Joeen married twenty-one years, and yet you'd go to the bqttom like a stone if you fell overboard.-" • ' ♦•Why, I never had the least fear,** «h« / replied. "There is always some hero "around to rescue a lady." "No one wants to depend en heroes. , Of course, I'd jump into the water to save a lady; but there ate lots of men who wouldn't. Stand up, Amanda, and let me give you the motions of swimming. .Now then, put yourJhands so, push them forward so, take a sweep and bring them back so.) See how easy it's done P *, You mosta? t , forget to kick every time you move your arms. She went through, the motions several times, but so awkwardly that he called out: "That isn't the way! The motions ought to be perfectly natural. Now imagine that you are out on an excursion." , "Yea." - .. ' " You lean' over the rail to view pome floating object/ '•Tot." " Ton suddenly grow dizzy and tumble headlong into the river. Now what motions would you make as you rose to the surface ? What would you do?" " Well, if a hero jumped in after me, I'd lean my head on his shoulder like this, and let him put his right arm around my waist and support me until help arrived." " Hero be hanged ! , A hero would look aiee holding up 190 pouncta, Tronldn'i; keP" • " He'd look as nice as yon would, ! . I don't believe you could keep your head above water to save your life." "I couldn't, eh? Then I .won't learn you a single stroke about swimming !" " Then you needn't !" " And if any man ever jumps, overboard and rescues you I'll punch hiß head !" - "And if you ever jump in after anybody I know I'll have to pay their funeral * expenses out of my share of thiß property !" * '„ * "Very well/ said Mr. Hopkins, as he put on his coat, " I see I am not wanted in my own house. If I am not home tonight it won't do you any good, to telephone me at the office, for I shall haye the wire grounded !" — Detroit Free'Tresa.