A HANDY MAN?

Hutt News, Volume 13, Issue 21, 1 November 1939, Page 3

A HANDY MAN?

Wanted. —Educated Scandinavian with some knowledge of cooking, governess, maid, charwoman; cheerful home life; country vicarage where Scandinavians liked. Write Box —. —Advertisement in "The Times." "Bill can't be as henpecked as you make out. I heard him remonstrating with his wife last night." "Oh, yes he is. What you heard was Bill complaining that she had dropped cigarette ash on the floor he had just washed." "Granny, you promis d me a shilling if I was a good boy at the party." "Yes, Willie." "Well, you've saved a bob."

The two ladies met at a tea party, "I haven't seen you for a long time," said the first. "What have you been doing?" "Oh," replied the other, "what a time I had! I just don't know how I ever got through. First I had agina pectoris, and then pneumonia, followed by arteriosclerosis and phlebitis. After that they gave me mypodermics, and I had barely recovered when I got tuberculosis and appendicitis, followed by tonsillotomy. "Yes, it certainly was the hardest spelling bee I've ever known." A city boy was out to take an inventory of a farm. He hadn't any experience in this type of work, but he managed to make a list of all the chattels and stock until he came to an animal which he wag unable to identify—a goat. So he 'phoned his boss, and said: "What do you call this thing that's around here with a rough coat that's worn out in spots, a white beard, and a long, sad face?" To which his boss replied: "That, you fool, is the farmer!" 4 ~ "How did you manage to evade the question that your father died in the electric chair?" "I said he occupied the chair of applied electricity in a public institution."

Concerning men, women are illogical; to believe all men knaves is unjust, but to believe any of them saints is just nonsense. Visitor: I have come to complain of my wife. Editor: What is your wife to do with me? Visitor: Well, pardon me. I became acquainted with her through an announcement in your columns and ycru are the responsible editor. In the deserts and upon the mountain tops the sun's rays can shatter solid rock, breaking it into fragments and covering the ground with an accumulation of rocky debris. This destruction is a consequence of the raoid heating of the rock during the day, followed by rapid cooling through radiation after sunset. Said the dentist, after extracting a tooth, "Why, I'm surprised at a big man like you screaming out like that! I thought you had at least a little nerve!" "So I had," replied the patient, "but you've got it now." "Why have you danced the whole evening with that old gipsy?" "I have to." "Ahf yes, I understand . . . your wife." "No, my mother,"