Joke Competition

Hawke's Bay Tribune, Volume XIV, Issue 276, 1 November 1924, Page 10

Joke Competition

BEST JOKES. ... .AT THE STROKE. Tommy’s father was talking of an artist who was celearated for his rapid work. “With one stroke,” he said, “he can turn a smiling face into a sorrowful one.” « “Well,” said Tommy feelingly, “so can our headmaster.” (Prize of !/-■ awarded to Laurel Curry years), 108 Stortford street Hastings). b jjC jjc IT CAME AS A SHOCK. A clergyman and a doctor of the same name resided in the same street. The reverend gentleman died, and the doctor went abroad.-.. On reaching his destination the doctor cabled his wife, and in error the communication was delivered to the clergyman’s widdw. It ran as follows: “Arrived safely. Heat terrific.” Inspector: “What boy can give me, from his own observation, an example of expansion by heat and contraction by cold?”. . | Tomkins: “In.summer we have long I days, and in winter short ones, sir.” -—Roy White. j|c I A PERTINENT QUESTION. I Rose and Ronnie were going to a party. ; 1 ‘Good-bye, dears!” mother said as they were about to start. ~‘?And Ronnie, don’t be too boisterous!” “And I musn’t be too girlsterous , must I mummy ?” asked Rose. —Honour Boxer. ♦ * ♦ AN INKY WHISPER. ‘‘Molly, have, you been doing anything to the ink?” “I’ve only put some water in it, mummy, to make it write weak. I’ve been waiting to daddy, and I wanted to whisper something to him.” —Ogden Watson, 6 years, Box 11, Havelock North. 4t # 4c # ENOUGH AT HOME A little chap r Was offered a chance to spend a Week in the country, but refused. Coaxing, pleading, arguing, promise of untold wonders alike brought from him the stubborn ultimatum. “No country for me!” “But Why not?” 1 ' someone asked finally. “Because,” ho responded, “they, have thrashing machines down there, ’an its bad enough here, where it is done by hand.” Lord Halsbury, when he was Lord Chancellor took a great interest in all lunatic asylums. He was in the habit of visiting them at odd times, to see if the patients were being treated properly. He once arrived at an asylum quite unexpectedly. “‘I am the Lord Chancellor,” he told the attendant who answered the door. “Oh, you are, are you?” said the man. “Never mind, walk straight through. We have two more of ’em in ’ere.” —lris Curry (12 years). 4c 4c 4c 4c WHEN TIME’S NOT MONEY. “Say, Alf, isn’t it/abput time you paid me the money you borrowed ?’ ’ “My dear Tubby, it isn’t a question qf time it’s a question of money. A GOOD TARGET. A little boy went to the house of an old lady and asked her if she would get his arrow for him, which had fallen in her garden. “Certainly!” she said, “which part of the garden is it in?” The little boy hesitated, and then said: “Please mum, it is sticking in your cat!” —William Francis Nelson (aged 10). 4c ; 4* 4 s UNCLE’S PRIVILEGE. Tommy, (on a visit).“Oh, Uncle, I wish I were you.” Uncle: “Why my boy?” Tommy: “Because you don’t get punished for eating with your knife like I do.” AN AMAZING RETORT. Teacher: “How many voyages did Columbus make?” Stupid Tony: “Four miss.’’ Teacher: “Correct, and after which voyage did he die?” Stupid Tony.: ‘ ‘l’m l not jsure,. Jiut I thipjt iVwas.the second.” C *• —Victor sejspn.