SAYINGS IN COURT.

Hawke's Bay Tribune, Volume II, Issue 288, 9 November 1912, Page 2 (Supplement)

SAYINGS IN COURT.

WIT AND WISDOM FROM THE WITNESS-BOX.

If an Act of Parliament says ‘A horse is a cow, 1 it is a cow," declared tho Stepney revising barrister.

Defendant: “1 only had a glass of ale. 1 don’t know what was in it s but it dislocated my hip and unkl®."

Have you ever seen her sober? was a question asked at a Camberwell inquest. “ Yes, years ago,” was the >eply.

Poor or rich, everyone gets into bad companionship if they do nothing and only loaf about," said the Highgate magistrate.

Solicitor (at Ystrad) : “ Did you see him coming through the door? ” Police Witness: “ No, sir; through the doorwav." * * * *

Complainant (at Brentford): “Ho abused mo and repeated the words several times.” The Clerk : ’* Enoored himself.” * * * *

My husband is a mental division." said a woman witness at the Westminster Court. T!ie clerk presumed that she intended to say •* mentally deficient.” * * * *

“ Have you anything to cay?” said the Highgate magistrate to a defendant. Defendant; “ Only that 1 would like to get away now as soon a* 1 can.’''

“ .1 was cold and wanted a warm," , said a man named -Richard Graham , when committed for trial at Newark. (Notts), charged with setting fire to two haystacks.

A complainant at the Highgate Police-court described the call of a milkman as “ .Something between the scream of a hyena and the falsetto voice of a donkey.”

A man charged at Kensington with disorderly conduct pleaded that, seeing a notice on a lamp-post, he climbed up to read it, and the words " Wet paint 1 ' slightly annoyed him.

Asked where he was last sleeping, an eld man charged at East Ham with having been incapably drunk, replied: “ In the workhouse, and 1 didn’t know I was out—until 1 was.”

“ I prefer a remand,” said a prisoner whom the Stratford Bench had just sentenced to twenty -tone days’ hard labour. “ And we prefer you going to prison,” retorted the chairman.

Heard at. Stockport Police Court.— Solicitor: “ Were these defendants of the same standing as the three boys who ran array?” Constable: “ Oh., no, sir. They were sat down.”

Magistrate at a local court (discharging prisoner) : “ Now, I advise yon to keep away from bad company.” Prisoner (feelingly): “'Thank you, sir. You won’t see me here again! ”

Summoned at Whitley Bay, Northumberland, for having ridden a bicycle upon the footpath, a miner’s excuse was that he was mad with toothache, and that it was easier to ride on the footpath than on the road.

“ That is my business, and wot yours,” remarked a prisoner nt Kingston, in reply to a magistrate’s question. “We will now proceed with ours,” retorted th© chairman, who promptly passed sentence of a month’s hard labour.

Defendant (at Oldham): “ I was not drunk, but footsore. I am a stranger t-o the place.” Chief Constable: “ You are not quite a stranger ; you have been np sixty-nine times previously.” Defendant: “ I thought I bad done with those.”