IN THE JOKE HOUSE.

Hawke's Bay Tribune, Volume I, Issue 208, 19 August 1911, Page 1 (Supplement)

IN THE JOKE HOUSE.

A CHANGE.

He (with a little sigh); •• This is tl» Hurd winter hat you have had this year.”

She: “ Yes, dearest, but summer will soon be here how.”

USF'W ROOM FOR MORE

.. i Willie,” said his mother, don t be so selfish. Let your little brother pl<>v with your marbles a while.”

But, ■ protested Witlie, ” he means to keep them always.” Oh, I th nk not: ” I know ho wiil. ’Cause he’s swallowed two o’ them already.” iflP'W HOW HE FOUND IT.

Mrs. Smith was known to her bearders ns being rather •.< near ” in the portions of food iiiat she doled out to the boarders at her table

At one dinner, wishing to be polite to a new boarder, she asked. , “ ™ r - J’nle.v. how did you find this strak this ©ve-iung?” J’J’y turning my potato ever,” rophed tno boarder

THE WRONG SIDB

A batch of Rhodesian policemea were travelling up from Bulawayo to Salisbury betore the railway was built, and at one of the” outspans ” were examining the washing of the various pieces of clothing, which they had done, at a wayside spruit. Pat X. was turning ever his shirt very critically, when r» comrade remarked. “ That shirt doesn’t look too clean, Pat." No, be jabers,” answered Pat. *• I was just thinking! 1 vo washed ut on the wrong soide.”

ENOUGH FOR ONCE

A boy twelve years old. with an air or melancholy resignation, went to his teacher and handed in the following note from his mother before taking his seat:

Dear Sir, —Please excuse James for not being present yesterday. He played truant, but you needn’t whip him for it, as the bov he played truant with and him fell but, and he licked James; and a man they threw stones at caught him and licked him; and the driver of a cart they hung on to licked him ; and the owner of a cat they chased licked him. Then I licked him when ho camo home, after which his father licked him ; and I had to give him another for being impudent to me for telling his father. So yoa need not lick him until next time.

“ He thinks he will attend regular in future.”

AN EXPERIMENT.

'Great Britain may bo. behind in aerial navigation, but ip other respeots she seems to be far in the lead. For example : the experiments reported in a London paper of crossing carrier pigeons ivith parrots in the hope of getting verbal messages through the enemy’s lines. UT'W A CLEVER RUSE.

Wife: " Please match this piece of silk for me before you come home.” Husband: “ At the counter where the svveet little blonde works? The one with the soulful eyes and——”

Wife: " No. You’re too tired te shop for mo when your day’s work is done dear. On second tliought, I won’t bother you.”

MISUNDERSTOOD

My dear,” said a husband “ I don’t want you ever again to wear that dress you had on last night.” “ What’s the matter with it? ” asked the wife indifferently. “ Er—well, Paddington came up to mo and said : ‘I can see your wife’s pack from Parisi ’ ”

THE MATHEMATICIAN

One morning at a late breakfast his wife broke out with :

” For goodness sake, John, how long did you boil these eggs? ” “ Just as long as you told me to, my dear.”

“Impossible. They’re hard as bricks.” “ I boiled them just twelve minute®.” “Twelve? Why, I told you that three minutes was long enough for an egg!” “ Yes, dear—but I boiled four of them.”

A guest in an American hotel was shot and killed. The negro porter who beard the shooting was a witness at> the trial.

SPEED

“ How many shots didA-ou hear?* asked the lawyer “ Two shots, sah,” ho replied “ How far apart were they? ” " ’Bout like dis way,” explained the nc-gro, clapping his hands with an interval of about a second between claps. Where were you when the first shot was fired? ”

“ Shinin’ a gomman’s shoe in the basement of de hotel.”

“ Where were you when the second shot was fired? ”

“ Ah street.”

was passin’ de end ob do