THE FIRST YEAR OF MARRIED LIFE.

Hawke's Bay Tribune, Volume I, Issue 115, 29 April 1911, Page 4 (Supplement)

THE FIRST YEAR OF MARRIED LIFE.

. . K A, GOSSIPY ARTICLE BOTH; AMUSING AND HELPFUL, .

(By tho

Rev. E J Hardy

in

Saturday Journal.*'; f , ,

Tho advice, “Drive gently yY er the stones! ’ which is frequently (given to inexperienced whijis, may be l respectfully suggested to the newly fjßtarnmL There are stony places on tnv road to happiness which, if not carefully driven ovrf, *Ynay unset the domestic The first rock ahead which should be marked “dangerous” is the Mfst JS*r of married life; here, especially, it T is >lii first step that costs. / : \ A lady once asked Dr. Johnson haw- - ■r his dictionary, he came }to defipe . -pastern the knee of a horse; pe answered ‘‘lgnorance, madam, pihie ignorance.” lliis is the simple explanation of many an accident that thkes pfaCe at the coinrr.encemerit cf the]matrimonial journey. Tlie young pibople oive rot yet' learned the daiigoipw-* pMraP of the road, and, as a -n. e. t#ey dri.e carelessly over ihenij. - A map who wda fond of the leg o>; a chidtrti helped his wife to that parti the whole oj the first year- of his ißian-ipd flare thiukiog that it wa-v the : best. -She preferred the “while part .butyo" also too unselfish *.p hint tl at ahefmad .this preference. » “ •

THE PRACTICAL .SIDH OF At&R- ' RIAQE , ? How many mistakes of serious kind are made nmm want Qt knowledge and explanatid'n during t(je first year of married life t On awaken-, ing suddenly from s!e"pi tre feel put ent and cross. May nm the young h»'sbnnd and wife expeijiejftvo feelings not entirely different when they awaketo reality fr*m the dt.-hr".i» of courtship and the Tasciii'ition Io f the honeymoon? Everything must! dmee n-orc bo ; contemplated after the pgdinary mart-.-ner of the world..once dune with siiftdued feeling spo! e» of, ijdnsidered. and settled* For thr first 'time husband and wife see each atlir-r they actually arc. Each briiV" certa ’o peculiarity**!into' t!ie married st:ite ’to which tne, o.her has to gvbu accus> r omed , A i -nan ni‘;st n|>t. imagine th<» alter marriage, he can alo .on living. bw. c .n '.ire with tho addiilional embelliMfe •ncut *>f >onu‘ »v. k-WTfi’pJ®* i rofxf> ic. •-’"ontci...' bp liicht'lA’ .

the surfiK-e n‘ *? toeing, ba at hand, vhe ’ley.. W.-!o -'kr or seri'iis- pursuit* .iJ. 'occocie .irksome, anil- never lie fa I the way when .not v.;. : .Visions’, i thczi are; ntervlv drvms of bur Epio j e .r<*b youth. No when i. ayried i'C i idiidf put away on r haehelor things <n i ys’h do ehHdish things ulien »n beeOipO men. .

HOW .TO BE MARRIED. . The domestic' life of Ceoroc .Sand",, the great French no- dirt so tin* happy that she left her husband, and. wrote bitterly about marriage Tho, quarrel was caused bv bis habits ’Ho used suddenly to laaw hm-’-’, and r*-' main away on hur-ting expi-riiti-ms, iu/11*in the eompnnV pf boon companions ’foKi. days. ’He behaved,'in short. as a single man, and tried tp'bo as li*tb* m.im.'d? as possible 'This alwai* orift*-'.- itnha-p-t.' pines*, and is very w;ong. fo. up num; ought to like his club a;j<! hr- ■ ipents het tar tlpp his .lwme .J *' At the .dyne time, ihe wife who J.*wise will not begin marriel lif - by is- ’ sitting that her husband give up hts ; ; dub. male friends ,and al’ tin' interes.,, of bachelorship. She knous r'lat -t w | possible for a man to be oycreome pdh;j .domesticity,: and that ton jours perd-ix“-( is wearisome. Men about home nb de- .

liecome fidge+v; grumpy, and interf •• - ing in household matters about which., they know, and ought to know, nothing. It is, indeed, almost a sine qua I non of domestic felicity that a man, even a newly-married one,, should ba, ‘ absent from home at least six hours pf * the day.

GIVE WAY TO EACH OTHER Jones asked his wife. “Why is a husband like dough? l ? He expected her to give it. up, and be was going to tell her that it was because a woman needs him; but she mid that it was because be was hart’, to get off her hands. People should begin their married life by burning up in the fire of their present ardent feelings all “fads” and little ways that are disagreeable to each other.

Li.ke government, marriage must be a series of compromises. Where principle is not involve!, husband and wife should be willing to yield, howevcu; new ic may be to them, however different from what they themselves thought. Self must lie sacrificed in order thereby to gain the help of another beloved existence And the habit of doing this must be formed during the first year of married life. •

No matter how poor they are. people should start the matrimonial firm in something they can call a home of theii own. Many a marriage has turned out a dismal failure, because, from false economy or some other motive, two families have attempted to live together as if they were one. The best way of keeping friends with one’s re-lations-in-law is not to see too much of them, especially at first Sydney Smith’s definition of marriage is well known : "‘lt resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated, often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who conies between them.” Certainly those who go between them deserve to be punished, and, however they mav differ in other respects, married i>eoplo especially during the first yea;-, should agtee to protect themselves against the well-meant, p- i haps, but inj'idii ious interference of friends. 1. is 'unite possible to be happy in a | small house, but married life should ’iot be l egtiii in one that is insanitarv. Wc ought never to attempt to economise at the expense of health. THE CLEVER GIRL. TJ’iriny the first rear the young people : -.->v.- to settle the scale of domestic • ermomv upon which thoy propose to li.-c. Tris can b> more easily raised a torn er Is than lowered, so it should he pit- hod below rath r than above the mark nt first. A young husband drew ins wife to his side and said in that tnno of exaltation which comes only to tl c supremely happy, “Tell me. dearest how you managed to live this month within your allowance?” 'ft was so easy,’’ -h.- murmured. ‘‘.And ••'.w t!:•?.; I ha ve done >t <>i> I wonder j, > ...cite., t eouid get things oil credit.” Hu* getting things on credit i- o •nave and a delusion. From the first a w >tc sboi !d form the habit of paying by b: 1 !- . vi i , week, for it is only ierv ri h p'orie -ho can afford to' have Un ir names :• the books of tradesmen. It i* tine that manv a poor -wife is rot given by her husband money to do this, nor eren told how- much his actirai , income is There are men who sjiv to the women thev marry. ‘ With ail i .. ‘ worldly goods I thee endow.” and at- I terwards their wives find it diffic :!t to i Cct enough money to buy a TKist.. ro • stamp. The man who respects his wife I

d&es hot turn her into a mendicant; he gives her a purse pf her own. Money Is not essential .to happiness, btit happy people dSuullv therefore a wBSi-Shou’d be neither less nor-mor®. : ‘ , Married people were gentleman and lady before they were husband and •wife, but they'often foqget 'this. The necessary famdiarjtv Q f their .relationship, •if caution B not taken during the first year,' -produces, if not contempt*. at least- a-disregard for each ether’s feelings* which, is the essehce of bad. manners.' Why-not be as tactful, .’and as little- urelin«l j;o .find fault with your wife as\you are-with your business partner? Why not entertain and amuse her aS you do yotir customers and patrons? -POvliaps' more -coldness and estrangements, if nnt absolute quarrels «ind separations, grow ont of a . disregard or the common rales of.courtesy nr maiHtd Kte than from any other cause.

WIVES -KEEP INTERESTING

Men cannot bj chivalrous and selfdenying if women do not give them -the chance of cultivating these noble quabtfc-s Instead of this, some fondly foolish wives encourage their husbands in rudeness and selfishness by uot demanding and even insisting upon the attention, '-v consideratiort, and help which every wouVin, raubh more a urfc, may claim’" ttqm a map. - Sometimes it is ;t woman’s ‘/UghAst pleasure”’ to'bear all- her husband’s burdens. 'To secure highest jp&asure; sh* makes him weak, ineffieignt. arid, childishly.-selfish.. Tl sho had-taken a'proper stand -and respected herself and..her Sex. during, the first : year"Bf married, life i. 'things would have beep very different. ’ .‘To bs ever, beloved.' Ope -must lae - 4P 1 ’? 3 - abld’,” so’it is jnost'fooi®!*, as as . wr6pg n far ’» young yorr^n, when; mAr";*ied, to lay aside those graocs.'wnd, aceoinplishmeipt's that- won her her .hus?; bsruTi . * v It is -tlijs sort *uf thing that made. Swift sitv that /‘the reason, why so few *wiarriages a’re ; been n«J t yon rig-. ' women spend 'riieir' f ime in * malting nets, _not in making ’