THE WORLD'S BEST STORIES.

Hawke's Bay Tribune, Volume I, Issue 87, 25 March 1911, Page 2 (Supplement)

THE WORLD'S BEST STORIES.

TOOK THF WARNING "Charles,” raid a sharp-voiced wmmi' to her husband in a railway carriage, "do you know that you and I once had a romaroe in a railway carriage?” "Never heard of it,’ replied Charles, in a subdued tone ••| thought you hadn’t; but don t> ycu remember it was that pair of .slippers 1 presented to you the Christmas before we were married that led to our union? You remember how nicely they fitted, don’t you? Well, Charles, one day when we were going to a picnic yon bad your feet upon a seat, and when you weren’t looking I took your measure. But for that pair of slippers I don't believe we’d ever been «r--r.ed.” A young married man, sitting by, in mediately took down his feet from a seat. LEARNiNG ART QUICKLY. Tim new girl had been but three weeks in the employ of an artistic family, but her time had evidently not been spent exclusively in studying the dine-tic arts. As her mistress was giving her instructions about the dinner. she said : "And. Marie, don’t forget the potato™ ’’ "No. tr.ailini.” was the reply. “Will you have them in their jackets or in tlic nood?” WHERE NOBODY LIVED, The skipper of a certain iittle vessel refates the following story, though the l.iunh is decidedly against him. When anything goes wrong aboard his brat the skipper likes to get to the bottom of the affair if. as lie puts it. "it takes me a month of Sundays to do it.’’ On" morning, while lying in port, a trifling accident occurred in the usual my»tc>u ns niunner. No one was to b’r.me.

Th? skipper tackled «'ach member of the crew until hs came to the cabin ‘x>y. “Now. young «hnver!’’ he rc«markc l. : Mayl® I’ll get the truth from you. Who did it?" "Nobody, sir,” responded the youth, who ?-car<elv di'ened it wise to blame i’.iiv if bis ».u|ermrs. "lrid-*eJ!” "p'ru.'tited th? skipper. ‘Mr Nob-dy az;:in” You s.-eui to know th® fellow well ’ 1 should like to have a look at him myself. 1 am going ashore now Yru can coins' with me, nnd if vmi d n’t point out the house where tlr’s Mr. Nobody lives, you’ll got the finest rope's ending you ever got in your life!”

The outlook wr.s anything but pleasing, and the cabin hov was the reverse of cheerful os he led the skipper up one street and down another. The skipper was enjoying the lad's discomfiture when suddenly the boy pulled up and nodded to a bouse across the way. “But that’s an empty house!” stud the skipper. “Yeo. sir,” was the reply. “Nobody lives there.” The rope’s ending was averted.

HAD IT ON HIS MIND.

A clergymen tells the following fitorv:—

"A young man eamo up to me one day with toe remark: 'Ptiwn, 1 want you to marry me next Wednesday.’ *• ‘AH right. I’ll marry you.’ “ ‘And I want the "church bell to 'ins’.

* ‘Yes. you can have the bell rung.’ “ ’And the organ played.’ " 'AB right, yoit can. have the organ.’ " ’And I want everything else anybody ever had at a church wedding.’ *• ‘You shall have it-’ “Well, the day came, the bell rang, th® organ played, the church was crowded,, and everything went off as •the young man wanted it. When the ceremony was brer the young couple waited, instead of leaving the chancel. So I shook hands with the bride, and then held my hand out to the groom. **Ha had his hand deep in his trousers pocket, and* as I stood with mine out he aaid somewhat imp&tfently, and in a' tone that could be heard all over the church:—

“ ‘l’m getting the money otA as fast as I can.’

“Then everybody in the church giggled.”

AS IT USUALLY HAPPENS

Smith was about to pop the momentnos question to the girl of his choice. First he thought of the knightly proposal in the style of the Middle*Agee: “Bv my halidome, fair maid, say thou win be mine, and the holy friar shall unite us ere another sun gilds the turrets of yonder castle.” Then he considered the theatrical style: “I have loved yon in secret, g-ur-r-1. and tnough I am pot, rich I can offer you the true and nnseSlsh devotion of *mv whole henr-r-t!’’ Then he thought the conversational tetyfe migfit do: Well. Aneia—l may call you Alicia, Brayn t I ? Everyone thinks we nr< going to be m,’.med. I suppose we’d hotter, just to please ’«n, you know.” But when the time came *he did it thus; "Er—Miss Alicia—er—excuse the familiarity, but—er—er—will you—er—uh. dash it!’ And then she came to Gk- rescue, and said: "That’ll do. Billv, dear boy; it’s all serene, and I’ll on""cv for the old folks. And don’t you trink we might get married at once?” And they were.

SHOCKED THE GUARD

Many years ago a well-known Scotch nobleman went out to one of our smaller dependencies to take up an official portion nndt i r f.h z> Governor. Ho **» a colonel of Volunteers at heme, and consouuentlv he took ont hs uniform with him to wtar on thes? occasions on which etiquette demanded such an attire. The ncee'.-::ty for donning his kilt nr. s-* Mon liter he arrived in the col*r‘"\. »i a *tired in all his glorv he to,.k the trai:; from the country* st ttwn n«sr io whrh he chanced to lie residing :.t the time to the town where Rb prpsFnce require'!. At one rf the atopping-p’acrs the route the ginrd. to whom kilts very an absolutely unknown article of ’? i’Xi when h' 7i m a il e.irrmge window .ami saw tlm mdlant colonci srnted tlmroin. ’ ’•’t'lnrsl tk.at that gentleman had dispt >-?■! w.th bis nether garments on account ef the (l ,at. sail. “We arc -et t-ng near the town. s;r ” ” . V the next station b' came again • •nd. semrg th? eolimcj i n exactly th’ *nme -mtn-no. he exclaimed excitedly Lsrn-c „„ Mr !>at j yonr dressing vour-elf nt. once: we shall arrnm ~t the town stati. nin five min-

<l: ’ y M,s Ponhecker’s er tT F a " f ’ " <’av I"? ■fl-tar- the husband s>i . Nou duilirg I do, t lielieve in m t . -. v,r , ricossitv rhin , 4 |;nki . nd or Hike Its. of « - r .l -re -f s < t , vou J m always tale r >■, • . I 'ive re. tad r, ' Sa ” n a ’ do? ' ’/’T 4 ': \ ’ '‘’./bat trouble, my • hi' a.re. so iling sweett- ne'r: " ’ " v ‘ ! ’ a! ? hard ' VOr,} ' i, nuav, glrp . „ m back t<>