A TOAST TO THE WOMAN THAT’S GOOD.

Hawke's Bay Tribune, Volume I, Issue 45, 4 February 1911, Page 3 (Supplement)

A TOAST TO THE WOMAN THAT’S GOOD.

Ho, gentlemen! lift your glasses up— Each gallant, each swain and lover— A kiss to the beads that brim in the cup, A laugh for the foam spilt over! For the soul is a-lilt and the heart beats high, And care has unloosed its tether ; '‘Now drink,” said the sage, “for tomorrow we die!” So let’s have a toast together. Swing the goblet aloft: to the lips let it fall: Then bend you the knee to address her, And drink, gentle sirs, to the queen of us all— To the woman that’s good—God bless her!

Oh, youth is a madcap and time is a churl I Pleasure palls and remorse follows after; The world hustles on in its pitiless whirl, With its kisses, its tears, and its laughter! But there’s one gentle heart, in its bosom of white— Dear love with the tender eyes gleaming, Who has all the wealth of my homage to-night, Where she lies in her innocent dreaming— And a watch o’er her ever my spirit shall keep, While the angels lean down to caress her; And I’ll pledge her again in her beautiful sleep— The woman that’s good—God bless her!

Ah, Bohemia’s honey was sweet to the sip, And the sor.g and the dance were alluring (The mischievous maid with the mutinous lip Had a. charm that was very enduring), But out from the music and smilewreaths and lace that world of the tawdrily clever there floats the rare spell of the pure little face That chased a wav follv for ever! And I pledge my last toast, ere I go to my rest— Oh, fortunate earth to nossess her!To the dear, tender heart in the little white breast Of the woman that's good—God bless her! KNEW THE WORLD. The teacher was trying to impress upon .ier class the necessity of regulating the sinful human heart, and to drive her point home she produced her watch. ‘‘Now. boys,” she said, “you all see this watch”—an assertion so obviously true that there was no danger of contradiction. ‘‘Now,” she continued, just suppose for a moment that it did not keep correct time, that 1 found it was willing to go any way but ths it? Way ’ ' vllat shouM Ido with There was the usual pause, which pupils indulge in because it flatters the teacher by making her suppose her problem is a very deep one, and that her wisdom is therefore profound. Then a hoy held up his hand. Please, miss,” h e said, "you would roll it to a friend P

VERY GOOD REASON. It was at the police-court. A witness f °u. t <lefence h ; «i boen examined, when the prosecuting solicitor stood up to crush him. Solicitor: “Why did you hide SulTiright”” yOUr h ° USe on that Saturday Witness: “I did not see Sullivan at nil on that night.” Solicitor (knowingly): “Will you swear your wife did not hide Sullivan or. that night?” Witness (hesitatingly): "Ye-es.” Solicitor (more knowingly): “Will your wife swear that she did not hide Sullivan m your house on that ni<dit 9 ” Witness Onore hesitatingly): "Well—--1 -don't—think—so.” Solicitor (most knowingly): "Ah! And perhaps you can tell the court how it “ 7°’’. can swear your wife did not hide hun, while she cannot swear the Speak up now, and tell the truth.” Witness (unhesitatingly): “Well, vou see, I m not a married man.” THAT AWFUL SMALL BOY. Small Boy: “What is a roost, papa ?’ ’ Jarent: "A roost, my son, is the on which chickens roost at night.” Boy ' "And what is a perch, papa?” v Rarent: "A. perch is what chickens perch on at night.” Small Boy: “AVell. papa, could a chicken roost on a perch?” Parent: “Why. or course.” Small Boy: “And could they perch on a roost?” Parent: “Certainly, of course.” Small Boy: "But if the chicken perched on a roost, that would make the roost a perch, wouldn’t it?” Parent: “Oh, heavens, yes! I suppcsa so.” Small Boy: "But if just after some chickens had perched on a roost and made it a perch, some chickens came along and roosted on the perch and made it a roost, then the roost would a perch and the perch would be a roost, and some of the chickens would be perchers and the others would be roosters, and ” Parent: "Susan, Susan! take this child to bed before he drives me mad.” A PUZZLING BALANCE SHEET. A Scotch tradesman, who had amassed. as he believed £4,000, was surprised by his old clerk with a bal-ance-sheet showing his fortune to be £6,000. "It ennna lie,” said the principal ; “fount agen.” The clerk did count again, and again declared the balance to be £6,000. The- master counted himself, and he also brought out a surplus of £6,000. Time alter time he cast up the column—it was still a six and not a four that rewarded his labours. Bo the old merchant, on the strength of his good fortune, modernised his house, and put money in the purse of the carpenter, the painter and the upholsterer. Still, however, he had a lurking doubt of the existence of the extra £2,000; so one winter night he sat down to give his columns "one count more.”

At the close of his task he. jumped up as though he had been galvanised, and rushed through the streets, in a shower of rain, to the house of the clerk. The clerk’s head, capped and drowsy, emerged from an attic window at the sound of ihe knocker to inquire the errand of his midnight visitor. “Who’s there?” he mumbled, "and what d’ye want?” “It’s me, ye scoondre 1 !” exclaimed his employer ,ye have added up the year of oor Lord among the poonds.”