IN THE WITNESS-BOX.

Hawke's Bay Herald, Volume XXII, Issue 7542, 13 August 1886, Page 3

IN THE WITNESS-BOX.

To be in a witness-box is a delicate position for a nervous, touchy man. Tlio man whoso temper is apt to break the chain and run riot is the one to avoid the witness-box. He is the kind of party who spends a considearablc portion of his valuable time in the country gaol for contempt of court; and when there's any bloodthirsty assault or impudent robbery under way in his immediate vicinity, he ought to plant down a hole, not rush bare-headed into the fray, with the mad idea of saving life, or portable treasures, but steal quietly away and hide from the world the fact that he is acquainted with details of the outrage ; else the authorities will have him up to explain, and the lawyer for the other side, an arrogant, off-handed little man, may be, will crossquestion him, and cheek, and bully, and rave like a stepfather; and the irritable witness will be led to spring the barrier, and whip that lawyer into submission and respect, and be fined a big sum, or stowed away in a dungeon for contempt, accordtnfr to Act of Parliament. He is not the man to' attend with an air of enjoyment whilst doubts are raised as to his integrity, and slurs cast at his connections by marriage.- The legal gent is much concerned to Know how often he Avas in prison, and where he served seven years for perjury, and, rather than reply softly, he paws about, and bellows, and is set upon all round. If the lawyer is aching to know the day and date on which liis grandfather shot Wallaby Smith, instead of answering in a calm, collected manner, and telling the Court .that his respected ancestor was a man of peace, who paid his rates and gas bill promptly, and went to church on Sundays, and finally died in his bed, beloved by all who knew him— instead of impressing upon his interrogator in a reasonable way that his late lamented grand-parent, far from shooting Wallaby Smith, never let ofF a iirearm in his life, being always doubtful as to which was the proper end to hold on by, he cuts up ugly, and expresses a strong desire to have just two minutes, by the clock, at that spavened, bald-headed, shrivelled skinful of law, and uses language which will cost him £10, or a month. Only the calm, stoical man, with a lofty disregard for due provocation, should be about and see things when a divorce suit is looming in the distance. He may save fragile wives from the brutality of drunken husbands with impunity, and be an eyewitness to a garotting contest, a case of shocking cruelty to a. horse, or a breach of the Licensing Act, and enjoy the-hulla-baloo without a tremor. A lawyer's sarcasm has no horrors for him ; lip never withers 'neath their most biting insinuations ; he takes it all for what it is worth, and is ever cold and collected. He answers "Yes" to every question which yes will fit, and "No" to every other. In fact, a total stranger would go away under the impression that his knowledge, of the English language is limited to those monosyllables. In the witness-box he is the least verbose of living men, and the clever cross-questioning lawyer hates him with a heat that would melt iron. The man of law cannot wind him round his finger, or muddle him up so that he doesn't know whether he's giving evidence in a sheep-stealing case or attending a free fight. It is currently believed that the averago woman is tolerably frightened of an iguana and a frog, but we have yet to meet her who would not rather go to bed with both these interesting natural products than pass a brief ten minutes in a witness-box before the Court, and take the weird, mysterious oath which alone is horror enough for one month. She learns it off by heart, just as she learns the words of the marriage ceremony, s6 as she won't get mixed, but when it is thundered at her by a sombre official it assumes to her a new honor, nnd she kisses the book, and wears an impression that she has sold her soul to Lucifer somehow, and is unsettled for ever after. Then she must suffer the badgering of an nnchivalroug and voluble lawyer, quail before the terrible eye of the judge, blush under the steady gaze of the twelve good men and true who compose the jury, and wither 'neath the hilarity and evident contempt of the cynical and malodorous frequenters of the temple of justice. This is the great, the blighting incubus, which is putting the weight of years upon vast numbers of our women. This is what is bringing; their hair out in the comb by handsfiu, and driving their teeth to decay ; and so long as lawyers are allowed^ to bully and insnlt witnesses into a high state of hysteria, and then extract testimonies from them to suit their own sweet wills, so long will the institution be avast looming horror iv the lives of the majorityof our peaceful citizens. The evidence of a female in this state ought no more to be accepted than the chance remarks of any lunatic. She doesn't know know what it's all about and she doesn't care. She only wants to bo allowed to cry in peace, or to go homo to the children. It has been the pinnacle of our ambition for some time to bean eye-witness to a private meeting between a lawyer and a female who had suffered under the sting of his examination, shortly after the operation, when divested of his awe-inspiring robes, and beyond the appeal to the judge. When onr wish is realised we'll describe the cat-light to our readers, We plead for a change ! While lawyers boss and badger witnesses just as if they paid them a weekly wage to stand it, thoroughly reliable witnesses will be a scarcity in the land, and ere long the native testifier -will entirely disappear, and his place be' filled by an imported article. — Ncio York Times. ,