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Hawke's Bay Herald, Volume 12, Issue 976, 8 September 1868, Page 2

A man who is advertising lodgings to let " for early risers," adds, " Cochin China fowls, of unusual vocal powers, are kept on the adjoining premises." A Lady was urged by her friends to marry a widower, and as an argument they spoke of his two beautiful children. " Children," replied the lady, " are like toothpicks. A person wants her own." A small, clean potato, with the end cut off, is a very convenient medium of applying brick-dust to knives, keeping it about the right moisture, while the juice of the potato assists in removing stains from the surface. It is said that one of Brougham's admirers in the Bradford Cloth Hall gave him a bale of plaid trousering, "a' 'oo," in 1825, and that he continued to the day of his death to have his nether garments cut from the inexhaustible store. Sheep Case at Kazakh. — G-eo. H. Moore, charged on seven informations with being the owner of 20,000 sheep infected with the scab, was fined £700 ; the fine to be remitted if a clean certificate be produced by the 15th February, 1869. Auckland Diocesan Synod. — The next session of the Diocesan Synod will | take place on the sth October next, in the j Cathedral Library, Parnell. The state of the Church in Auckland, and the necessity for the appointment of a successor to Bishop Selwyn, will render the forthcoming session one of the most important that has hitherto been held in New Zealand. — Southern Cross, Aug. 29. " Papa, I think you told a fib in the pulpit to-day," said a little son of a clergyman. " Why, my boy, what do you mean P" asked the father. " You said," continued the child, " ' One word more and I have done.' Then you went on and said a great many more words. The people expected you'd leave off, 'cause you promised them ; but you didn't, and kept on preaching a long while after the time was up." The following is Josh Billings' notion of a thoroughbred gentleman : — A bob-tail coat, a pennie papur koller, a white kotton weskit, yaller trowsers without any cloth into the legs, shiny lether boots, a pair of yaller gloves, and inside of 'em all a thing got up in imitation of a man, but, as the kounterfeiters say, poorly executed, and not kalkerlated to deseve. Mustash indispensabul, and branes onnecessary. Fine specimens on exhibition. A Dutchman. — A facetious gentleman, travelling in the country, on arriving at his lodging place in the evening was met by the ostler, whom he thus addressed : — " Boy, extricate that quadruped from the vehicle, stabulate him, devote him an adequate supply of nutritious aliment, and, when the Aurora of morn shall again illumine the oriental horizon, I will reward you with a pecuniary compensation for your amiable hospitality." The boy, not understanding a word, ran into the house, saying, " Master, here's a Dutchman wants to see you." A Schoolmaster, after giving one of his pupils a sound drubbing for speaking bad grammar sent him to the other end of the room to inform another boy that he wished to speak to him, and at the same time promised to repeat the dose if he spoke to him ungrammatically. The youngster, being quite satisfied with what he had got, determined to be exact, and thus addressed his fellow-pupil : — ■' A common substantive of the masculine gender, singular number, nominative case, and in an angry mood, that sits perched upon the eminence at the other end of the room, wishes to articulate a few sentences to you in the present tense." Native Shbtjbs. — We, pays the Southern Gross, are glad to see that the Acclimatization Society have not ignored the j indigenous trees and shrubs, many of which are as ornamental or useful as those acclimatised. Splendid young specimens of the kauri, rimu, kahikatea, and other native trees have been planted in suitable spots, and Mr. Brighton has in course of training several native shrubs which he feels confident can be made to wear as ornamental an appearance as the best English shrubs. Among those we may mention the mahoe, two fine specimens of which he has trained to look as well as bays. The branches were first clipped close of foliage, and nipped at the ends, and when the offshoots had reached a sufficient stage of development they in their turn were also nipped, thus gradually thickening foliage and giving an appearance of symmetry to the shrub. Another of the same species which has been transplanted is now budding into leaf,