SKETCHES FROM REAL LIFE.

Hawke's Bay Herald, Volume 11, Issue 818, 15 January 1867, Page 3

SKETCHES FROM REAL LIFE.

(From the 'Sydney Mail.') COMMERCIAL HOBGOBLINS. In the course of a recent ramble in the city, I called at the counting-house of a mercantile friend, whom I found intently poring over his bill-book. I briefly apologised for intruding upon his studies, and as I had no business to transact, I was about to retire ; but the cordial tone in which he said " I am glad to see you, take a seat," reassured me, and I seated myself accordingly, and silently waited till he had totted up a long column of figures. Presently he took his eyes from the book, and sat abstractedly gazing at nothing for two minutes. Fearing that he would soon miss his beard, for he was unconsciously pulling the bristles out two at a time, I ventured to ask him "if he found that reading his billbook was a refreshing mental exercise ? " My question aroused him. He shut up the book, pushed it into an iron safe, and turned the key upon it, with the grim look of a gaoler who had just locked up "Thunderbolt ; " then rubbing his hands to warm them, he replied, "I would rather read ' Harvey's Meditation among the Tombs ; ' still there are moral lessons to be learned in bill-books, and I believe that if they were studied a little more generally, it would be beneficial to the world at large, and be especially gratifying to bank managers."

By degrees my friend's face grew solemnly smooth, and with true philosophy, worthy of imitation in these exciting times, he remarked, " scanning over my bill-book is not an exhilirating pastime just now, far from it. It is a stern duty, which requires no small amount of courage to perform ; still, I dare not neglect it, or I should soon get as bemuddled and panic-stricken as some of my neighbours are. There are figures enough in that book to frighten me if I were to yield to despondency ; but I hope for the best, while I prepare to meet reverses with manly courage, energy, and patience. Most of my bills receivable may' turn out as good as gold ; so I will cling to that comforting hope till I am obliged to relinquish it; but if they should all prove bad, it would be folly for me to make myself bad too, by fretting over them. Depend upon it, sir, nothing wears a man out soon3r than worry of mind. It impairs his digestion, disturbs his sleep, sours his temper, destroys his vital energy, and makes a coward of him: aye, and ifc will soon make a dry skeleton of him too. Bother it all! I won't yield to it," he added, with a shrug, as though 'he were dislodging an ugly toad from the nape of his neck. " I'll tell you a tale of the times, Mr. Boomerang, jusfc to divert my thoughts ; then I hope you will tell me something sprightly ; and don't be afraid to laugh loudly, for ifc will cheer up my clerks who are growingdyspepticfoL* wane of work, and if the folks outside hear that we are merry in here, it may help my trade, and do tliera good too ; for mirth is as contagious as melanoholy. It's my beleif, sir, that ifsomething could tickle all the business men in Sydney, to make them roar with laughter, even for ten mi-

nutes, that the banks would relax their hold upon their hard cash, and be glad to accommodate all their customers, except 'kite-flyers' and bubblemongers." My friend then leant back in his. arm chair, stroked his beard tenderly, and related the following queer little story (which I have slightly varied), and if it did tend to encourage his mercantile hope, it evidently helped to make him forget his doubts for a while, and to look as waggishly independent as a man who had neither money nor merchandise to worry him.

He said "that a- short time ago a merchant was issuing from his store, when he met a doubtful customer from the country, who was just going in. " Good morning, Mr. Linsey ; lam just going in to make up a parcel," said the countryman.

"Humph! a- -a — good morning, Mr. Mopus," stammered the merchant, who was ruminating on the most delicate way of refusing to give him a parcel on credit, for he suspected the man was a schemer, because his competitors in trade said that he sold goods much cheaper than they could buy them.

" I'm going to pay half gash," continued the countryman, without appearing to notice the other's hesitation.

Tbo^little word "cash 11 was as welcome as "whoa " to a jaded cart-horse. At the magical sound the merchant's eyes glistened like pearl buttons, while a tinge of yellow

happiness overspread his care-wrinkled face, and he excitedly gasped, " Praty walk in, sir; we'll do, the thing well tor you." Skipping up three steps at a stride, he preceded his rustic customer to the wareroom, and, with a look full of honest earnestness, said to his head salesman, " Mr. Mopus is going to make up a good parcel with us this morning, Mr. Tabb, so put things into him at the lowest figure,, cut everything as fine as you possibly can." " Yes, sir, certainly," replied the salesman ; and forthwith he began to draw his customer's attention to the attractive piles of soft goods in the front warehouse, and to expatiate on the large quantity of scarce articles " they had in the harbour." Mr. Mopus made line upon line, with a pleasant boldness most cheering to the salesman, for it put him in mind of the golden times, when everybody was independent ; and as his over-watchful ears had caught the glad echo of the word "cash," when it softly floated up the stairway, he naturally thought that Mr. Mopus -was a man of metal Mr. Tabb loved his master 5 so his joy was proportionate, as the countryman bought package after package of well-paying goods, with a child-like confidence in the recommendations of the salesman, which, alas ! few good customers display in these distrustful days ; and after Mr. Mopus intimated that he had bought enough, and Mr. Tabb's gentle pressure had ceased to be operative, he escorted his customer to the front door as affectionately as a father, and while he grasped his hand at parting, assured him that the invoices should be quite ready, and all the goods on the drays, by the following day at noon. The last dray was loading as Mr. Mopus entered the store next day with chequebook in hand, and, according to agreement, paid for one-half of his purchase by cheque, and the other half by bill at four months. " Now," said Mr. Mopus to the merchant, " I think you ought to make me a. present of something handsome for my wife, considering that I have left you £500 this morning. Times are hard, you know: money is scarce, and you don't get such a customer as I every day. Come, now, be liberal, Mr. Linsey: give me something good to take home to Mrs. Mopus ; a blessing, as the old ladies say in my part of the country."

" Hum — a — cm — I don't see how I can do it. We have put everything in very low, and I can't afford to — a — a — however I'll sse c m — Mr. Tabb, fetch that parcel of shawls from the back store ; the lot marked P ses Q, you knowj" said the merchant, musingly, while he gazed at the cheque with affectionate interest. Soon Mr. Tabb returned with the parcel, when his master selected a shawl worth a few shillings, and handed it to Mr. Mopus, remarking as he did so, "that it was rather against his practice — in fact, he could not afford to be generous these times."

" Woogh ! Do you think I would take my wife such a thing as that ?" said Mr. Mopus, with excitement. "Blow it all! she hasn't come to that yet. It might suit her servant Biddy, but "

" Don't be vexed, sir," said the merchant, with a quizzical smile. I did not mean to slight Mrs. Mopus in the least, and I would rather give five hundred pounds than you should think so. Here is something handsome ; suppose I make her a present of this bill which you have just given me ; what will you say to that ?" " Give me the cheque," said Mr. Mopus, "and I will say that you have a becoming respect for my good lady." " I can't spare the cheque ; but you had better take this," said the merchant, holding the bill for £500 before his customer's eyes. "Fo, no!" said Mr Mopus, with a roguish wink, which made Mr. Tabb's face turn as blue as book muslin. " Ha, ha, my boy! Walker! Keep the bill; 1 don't want it ; give me the shawl — that is ivorth something." I will not further describe my interview with my friend, the philosophical merchant ; but after an hour's pleasant chat I left his office, strongly impressed with the idea that if business men in general would face their perplexities as cheerfully as he did, there would be far less commercial depression than there is at present. I had better state that I do not vouch for the accuracy of the foregoing story; though I can solemnly declare that I have both seen and felt "bills at four months," which were quite as cheap as Mr Mopus's. Though it be apocryphal, it may help to clear up the mystery which has perplexed many simple ones, and explain how certain traders can afford to undersell their honest neighbours, and live in furious style too. Soon after leaving my friend's office, I saw a man hurrying down the street towards me, with his head down, his clenched hands swinging rapidly, and his whole mien as fierce as if he were in chase of a rogue who had run away with his wife. I had known the man slightly for a long time. At one time he was a thriving mechanic, but of late years he had called himself" a wholesale man." It was supposed that the bulk of his merchandise was kept in bond, for he displayed very little in his business premises, and the piles of cases near the doorway echoed Very conspicuously if poked with a stick. "What is the. matter, Mr. Fluff?" I asked, as he stopped to salute me "Matter, sir? why, everything is going to the dog.s, and I am almost bothered out of my wits," he replied. "That is very likely. Excuse me for speaking. plainly, Mr. Fluff, but I am sure it would be better for you to resume your trade ; you will then have less anxiety, and better health than you now have ; and you will be doing your part towards remedying the' present commercial depression, which is mainly owing to over-trading. The continual excitement of carrying on a business such as yours with insufficient capital is wearing your constitution much faster than the hardest work at your trade would do. But what special trouble have you just now ? if it is right for me to ask the question."

stick

"I want to get this bill done, to take up another which falls clue to-morrow. Do you think you could find a friend who would oblige me, sir ? It is drawn by Bladders and Co.— first-rate marks— for £220. 1 will take £200 for ifc. It has only sixty-nine days to run, and is perfectly safe." I told him that I should probably have to run sixty-nine days, or perhaps seventynine, before I found any one to do his bill ; and my reputation would not be very safe while running on such an errand. I was certain that no person, whom I could call my friend, would lend money at 60 per

* * *

cent, interest, or Lave any bill transactions, with Bladders and Co. Moreover, I said that money jobbing was quite out of my line, and advised him to get liis bankers to discount the bill for him, if it represented; as he said it did, an honest business transaction ; but of which I was more than doubtful, having had some experience of Mr. Bladders' financial talents. "I did put it in my bank yesterday, and they threw it out," said Mr. Fluff, with a ! dreadfully injured look. Then he belched out a volley of invectives, which would have made the board of directors turn pale as a deal plank newly planed, had they heard him. Fearing that I might be supposed by the passers-by to be conspiring with Mr. Fluff to cause a run on the said bank, I bade him good-bye, and pursued my way homeward, reflecting on the vast amount of misery some men suffer for the sake of keeping up a false appearance. * * * " There is a great depression visible in the city," remarked a nervous neighbour, j who soon afterwards overtook me, and who was homeward bound too. " There is a good deal of excitement," I replied, "but there is more dread than danger. It puts me in mind of the commotion that I once witnessed on board a ship, at a false alarm of fire. The passengers were all running about, ' looking as scared as a lot of sheep with a dog amongst them; but not one of them coolly investigated the cause of the smoke, which was merely the. cook putting out his galley fire with a bucket of water ; so it was nearly all steam after all." " But there is real commercial distress at present, and no doubt about it," said my sombre neighbour. "It would be unreasonable to dispute that, Mr. Croke," I replied. "In fact, the colony is suffering from a periodical 6/ZZ-ious disorder, accompanied with an extraordinary tightness in the chest. But some of the causes are palpable enough for any one to see, who wants to see them. I have long held the opinion that there are far too many persons engaged in the mere business of exchange, both in town and country; from merchants, down to street hawkers. Sellers multiply much faster than buyers, and trade is too much divided ; an unhealthy competition is the result, which honest traders heavily feel. I have just now given a little advice to a pseudo-merchant, which I should like to give to a thousand others who, like him, are struggling to get a living by buying and selling, instead of working at their trade. The man I refer to has no capital beyond some accommodation papers of his friend Bladders, who is in a similar pecuniary position. His bankers have, I suppose, at last discovered the doubtful character of Mr. Fluffs paper capital, and have very properly refused to discount it ; so he is, commercially speaking, 'smashed up,' and I think he is trying his utmost to raise a panic and ' smash up ' some of his neighbours, in the hope that his own downfall may be less noticed in the general wrecik. Had not poor Fluff been tempted by that accomplished old schemer, Bill Bladders, to throw aside his tools and go into business upon a fictitious capital, he would probably ■ be now, what he was a few years ago, a contented industrious mechanic, and would be of material benefit to the country as a pro- ' duccr of something tangible, instead of being

a drag on our commercial machinery, as all such traders are."

"It's my opinion that the colony is going to ruin," said Mr. Croke, with a grimace ending in a sigh.

"My opinion is quite different to that, sir," I replied, " for I have lately had communications from men of influence and intelligence, in nearly all our country districts, and I judge from their statements that, so far as agricultural and pastoral interests are concerned, the colony has not looked so promising for several years. This monetary panic, as you call it, will doubtless cause loss and inconveniece to a good many persons, but it will not last long, and it will be as beneficial to our commercial atmosphere as a "southerly burster" after a hot wind ; which though it makes a great dust, and begrimes a good many of our motley-dressed citizens, it nevertheless rids the air of an accumulation of noxious vapours, and we all breathe more comfortably after it is past. I could give you more of my views on the causes of the present commercial excitement, but here is your gate ; good day, Mr. Croke : keep your spirits up, sir. Though times look bad at present, there is far more reason to hope they will mend than to anticipate the national ruin which you have just predicted.

It is my deliberate opinion that bills are the mainsprings of mercantile disasters in general. Ido not mean honest trade bills, but kites, windbags, blowflies, or by whatever other nicknames they are known to the initiated. They are most treacherous things to handle, hazardous as nitro-glycerine, blasting-powder, or any other combustible that is likely to blow your house up, or rather to blow it down, and damage your neighbour's houses too. They are as deceitful as will-o'-the-wisps, and have inveigled many good simple men into a moral bog, where their reputation has been bedaubed with indelible dirt. They encourage idleness, extravagance, reckless trading, lying, cheating, andahostof otherevils too ugly to print. They are the commercial hobgoblins that breed panic and distrust, knock poor men out of work, and make their children go hungry and shoeless. They have caused more sleepless nights than gout, lumbago, painter's colic, and " cats on the tiles" combined ; and in short they are a curse to a community, and I heartily wish I could warn everybody against being' lured into having anything to do with them.

I do not altogether sympathise with my broken-down friend Stumps, who refused to humour his wife by calling her little son "William," after his maternal grand-sire, lest the boy should by-and-bye be called "Bill." Neither do Igo so far as the other overscrupulous man, whom I heard of, who " on principle," declines to accept even a handbill from a draper's boy in the street, still I have a wholesome dread of bills in general, and if they savour in the least degree of accommodation, I would almost as soon handle a red-hot poker, or a- bagful of detonating devils.