A MERE SCRATCH.

Hawke's Bay Herald, Volume 12, Issue 817, 12 January 1867, Page 3

A MERE SCRATCH.

.IN EIGHT (Prom " M the Year R<->iH3^ In the mean time, there had. beeh p^^*^%^^ ing, in the apartment occupied ?b^ ::Sfa*.^^ Mapes, the housekeeper, . a grahd cpu*_pil,Y \'v or divan. Stretched .upon a couch (fo? she • . was, as has been stated, a victim to rheamar. . ? tism), Mrs. Mapes,.excited by the astound- ; ing intelligence which had reachecUiher, •looked less like an invalid than mjght have been expected, and took au ample share in: the deliberations. Truth to say, these were almost exclusively of a conjectural character, and had reference to the enigma present > to every mind, and expressing, itself there, in the simple terms " how ever master can make such a fool of hisself as this comes to!" The. heroine of that eventful day— -Mrs. Turnover herself— was seated in a chair of state, close beside the presidential coucb, surrounded by her admiring, not to say wondering, friends, while Esther sat apart, pale, sad, bewildered, hardly able to believe that what she saw and heard was not a foolish dream. Compelled to yield to Sir George's proposition, she was content to let it be thought that the restraint put upon her movements had slightly affected. her temper, and made her disinclined to take part in the debate. ....... "And you are sure, my dear, soul, her ain't mad ? " said Mrs. Mapes, affection- . ately (for she didn't like her); placing her hand on the pudgy paw of Mrs. Turnover. : Some hours, it will be remembered, had now elapsed since Sir George's return, and the observant reader, aware how readily the human mind adapts itself to the most unexpected contingencies, will not be surprised to learn that Mrs. Turnover began to be a little annoyed at the circumstance of everybody at once jumping to the conclusion that nothing short of insanity could explain their master's choice. She therefore replied with a little acerbity, that he might have been mad, for aught she knew ; . but, at the same time, he evidently know'd well enough what he was a-doing on."Don't be angry, my dear creature," said the mild housekeeper. ." We don't think it strange, we that know your value, that you should have. a handsome offer. But master's seen so little of you, so very • little, hasn't he ? What ever can be his reason?" "To be sure, he've seen a good deal more of you" retorted Mrs. Turnover. "But it don't seem to have made any difference, in a matrimonial pint o' view." " He might have heard what a hexlent creetur you be," said Gertrude, going in betimes for serious flattery. "It's not a sudding thing," remarked the laundry-maid. "Depend upon it, this has been a long time shimmering in his mind. He wanted to be quite sure of his feelins. It's ockard, when a man ses" slap he loves you, and then finds he don't. That's why master was so long speaking out." "Well, at all events he done it effectually at last," said Mrs. Turnover, hardly knowing whether the last speech could be taken in. a complimentary sense, or not. "There's no guessin' o' men. They hides their feelins so," said Gertrude, who squinted, had a snub nose, and from whom mankind in general had managed to conceal their feelings most successfully. " Did you notice any simtims of offectipn at hocld times, such as when he was a-hor-dering dinner, or paying your wages, and that, ma'am?" inquired Mr. Fanshaw, whose presence in the lady's room was tolerated in consideration of the importance of the occasion, and on condition that he did not sit down. "Come! did he never make, no excuse 'for to squeedge your hand ? " « i — I don't remember as he ever did— no, I am positive he never did," said Mrs. Turnover, after due reflection. "Or was you ever sittin' by him permiscus anywheres, when he's nudged you, or pinched your helbo?" pursued Mr. Fanshaw, whose ideas of wooing seemed exclusively muscular. "Never," said the lady. " P'raps he's heard as you're 'titled to some money!" suggested a voice in the distance. But this spiteful idea was scouted. "It can't hardly be my figger," said the cook, frankly. " N'more it couldn't be my face, for I'm chauged a bit since Turnover first kep company with me at Habbot's Harm. I weer pretty then." " Why, what aire you ?ww, ma'am?" put in the unblushing Gertrude. Look at your heye, and your 'air. I've heard tell it used to be sot upon." "Law ! " said Mr. Fanshaw. "Is that good for the hair?" " Turnover was as proud as a peacock of my curls, just as if they was his own," said his relict, with a sigh. " His last words to me, buttered just as his voice was failing, was these: 'Barbary,' he ses, 'give me some drops.' We giv' 'em. Then he goes on, 'French is good 'air, specially for middle-aged fronts and puffers. North German makes good working wigs; but Swish is best of ail,' he ses. ' I've paid,' he ses, graspin' my hand, 'as much as three pound si yen, ay, and three pound twelve/ • for Swish light brown, afore baking. But into anything like yours, for substance, glosh, and fibre, I never yet did put a comb ! — Adoo.'" "Well, now, to business," said Mrs. Mapes. "What shall you say, my dear? Of course, if master's offer's serious, you accept it. The only question then is, zs it serious ? " " Yes, ma'am it is," said Mrs. Turnover, resolutely. Make yourself quite easy as to that. When a gentleman asks you in plain words whether you'll be his wife, I suppose he means to ask whether his wife you will . be." Mrs. Mapes admitted that the phrase might be regarded as convertible ; but, as a final conjecture, would submit to the general suffrage, whether it were not possible that the young master's desire to retain permanently near him a person so skilled in her peculiar vocation, was the real motive of his choice. Mrs. Turnover thought within herself that the object might have been attained; .... on somewhat cheaper conditions; but she made no. reply.. "Well, / always fancied there was some r , ■: ■ one else master fancied," "said the house-; keeper. • . > ■ V "You mean — hum — « down . there, th.c : .- A Haie," said Mr. Fanshaw, darkly; T^AA^^M Mrs. Mapes nodded. Esther -pdd|^gi" felt herself becoming interested iii the '^pn^^s versation ; but it was -not.'"piu»u^'-in^'|fc| l^^

"'rf ■'■ mfm.^m^^^m,^^^^^m^m^^^m^^^^mm^mm m , ii| i . , mm. j^d^ctiohj: and, feeling weary, she bade the V^-party, good night, reminding them that she .^Y had to be stirring early. ?:.^y" Master's made a mistake," said Mr. > : ? Fanshaw, in an under tone to the houseV keeper, during the little movement caused : by Esther's exit, " and took the wrong mimber of the family 1 " Mrs. Maples smiled, and the council, too mutch interested in their subject to think of separating at present, returned to the discussion. "Don't you feel all in a twitter, ma'am ?" inquired Dolly. Mrs. Turnover responded to the effect' that "twitter" time was past, and all she was now conscious of was a sort of heavy J settlin' down. "" It occurred to some of the circle that this state of things would shortly become more applicable to the other party to the projected alliance. It being now universally assumed that Sir George's suit was to receive a favourable answer, the next consideration was how it should be conveyed ; and on this point, Mrs. Turnover, after a little coquetting, frankly avowed herself at fault, and invited co-operation. "/should do it respectful but cordiwal," said Mr. Fanshaw. Assent, qualified by an unspoken impression that, on such a subject, Mr, Fanshaw should have permitted the ladies to speak first. "Pop upon him when he leaves his room," proposed Gertrude. " He'd take it kind." " I think I wouldn't be too forward," said -iii 9 ko-usekeeper. • " Send word you couldn't come for orders about dinner, being that you was hupset," said Dolly. "I think I -wouldn't be too backward" said Mrs. Mapes. "Meet him promiscus, and say you've loved him these twelve long year, and is it come to this ? " was the daring council of Martha, the kitchen-maid. " I won't do nothin' o'. the sort," said the honest-hearted cook, indignantly. "Besides, a precious fool you'd make me out to be, spoonin' on a little boy in fall-down collars ! Catch me saying it." "You must give master his answer, child," said Mrs. Mapes, in full enjoyment of the difficulty. " Come, now, rouse yourself, and think about what you're to say." " I won't say nothin'," said the cook ; "I'll— l'll write." But this craven resolution was received as it deserved, with manifest disfavour. Nevertheless the lady was firm. She would reply by letter. " And slip it under his door," was one suggestion. "Orpin it on the breakfast 'am," was another. " Or lay it in a hopen tart," was a third. It seemed that the idea of sending- such a letter in the ordinary way was not to be dreamed of. " Well, now, about the letter," said Mrs. Mapes, settling herself comfortably. "I suppose you don't want any assistance there." (In other words, "I know we shall have to do it for you ; so now for some fun.") Mrs. Turnover declared that she would be greatly obliged for any suggestions : " The last words Turnover ses to me, so as to be understood distinct," added the good lady, deliberately, was these: 'Never, Barbary, never be above hearing adwice that's freely offered. The best of that sort generally is, that you needn't foller it. Adoo!'" Far from being deterred by this last qualification, the council plunged at once into the discussion, and a consultation ensued, in which everybody, except Mr. Fanshaw, took part at the same moment. That gentleman, remarking that the subject was becoming delicate, took his departure. Numerous were the forms of love-letters adduced as precedents, and many interesting quotations — chiefly, it would seem, derived from valentines — imparted a poetic character to the debate. But none of these . exactly hit the point. It is not every day that a young baronet of ancient lineage, aged twenty-five, proposes to his cook, of of fifty. "This will never do," said the ladypresident, getting rather weary of the bootless clamour. "Suppose I write down what each or any one has to propose, and we can correct the letter afterwards." The proposition was adopted. Paper and ink were produced, and Mrs. Mapes, whose right hand was fortunately effective, commenced the epistle thus : "'Honoured Sir '" *• I don't know about ' honoured,' " said Mrs. Turnover. " Don't it read distant ? " " I thought we were to write the letter first," said the housekeeper. Now, then— 'Honoured Sir '" ' " ' Being as you wished an immediate answer,' " suggested Gertrude, and stopped, exhausted. " ' To your ansum propojial,' " said Dolly, rushing to the rescue. " 'Made to your umble servant, Barbary Harm Turnover,' " prompted Martha. "That'll do capital!" cried Mrs. Turnover, thinking the letter finished. " Who's got a seal ? " "I don't think that would satisfy anybody," said Mrs. Mapes. "Do you accept, or don't you ? " " ' Which,' " said the lady chiefly interested, making a great effort — " ' which, if you railly think it's for your 'appiness -' " "'Happiness' — yes?" said the ladypresident. " 1. _" " ' Why, you know best,' " said the laun-dry-maid, timidly. Mrs. Turnover nodded approval. " Shouldn't you add (something about not being fully prepared — you know, un-expected-r-that sort of thing ? " asked the housekeeper. "'•-"•' Took by surprige,' " resumed the inexhaustible Dolly, ' " 'In my hapron and all,' " put in Mrs. Turnover.. ";' I might have simmed-^-have simmed,' " said Gertrude, and again collapsed. A\ ■■_. V " 'More cooler,' " suggested Martha. rf- ; •^M.Thansuckemstarnces required,'" said &^ timidly interrogative. •;:".. \;^\<Bu^ for the futur, you shant — you •>■ '(-. shan't^—have no —no -' " hesitated A- ' ' AtmAMo caU to complain,"* said Mrs. Turn-'^ifW^j-f^^^r.A There,; that'll do. , I : Turnover, ma'am, there's §mm mmsPSrt" said Dolly. . ■Mil ;■ . ' : A

" They usually, so they tells me" (Dolly blushed), " sends a lock of 'air." "Bless my heart, do they?" cried the lady. " Yes, and yours is so beautiful thick ! Let me cut off a bit. There, don't be so shy, ma'am," said Gertrude, playfully. " Well, here, hunderneath, wheer it ain't so grey." said Mrs. Turnover, hitching up her cap. An iron-grey tuft being presently secured and tied — to avoid dangerous contrasts — with white thread, " Now, listen," said the lady in the chair ; "here's the letter." She had made some improvements in the spelling, but retained the sense intact : " ' Honoured Sir. Being as you wished an immediate answer to your handsome proposal made to your humble servant, Barbara Ann Turnover, which, if you really think its for your happiness, why, you knows best. Took by surprise, in my apron and all, I might have seemed more cooler than ' circumstances required ; but, for the future, you shan't have no call to complain. — Yours to command, Barbara Ann Turnover. "Well," concluded Mrs. Mapes, "will it do?" "I don't like 'honoured sir,' " said Mrs. Turnover, returning to her former criticism. " It reads cold, and besides, ma'am, he didn't ask for an immediate answer, nor I never said he did." " Very good, my dear. I cut that out," said Mrs-. Mapes. "Now she needn't put her name theer, since 'tis signed fit the end," remarked Dolly. " That's out," said Mrs. Mapes. ,^'Now, ain't this ray ther queer; 'if you railly think it's for your happiness, ariset- ' terer,' " said Gertrude. "Of course it's for his happiness, and of course he know'd it so tobe. 'If sounds hunbelieving." " Truly, ma'am," said Mrs. Turnover. "That's out," said the lady with the pen. ' " Mrs. Turnover, ma'am," said the laun-dry-maid, humbly, "I ask for information. Don't it seem as if 'took by surprise' meant to reproge him ? " " Good gracious, child ! . Reproach ! not for any sake!" exclaimed the lady, much disturbed. "Out with it, please, ma'am, quick ! " " It's out," replied the president. " Now about 'the future?'" "If I were Mrs. Turnover, little enough I'd promige about that," said Dolly darkly. " Fust you see how he beyaves hisselt." " Perhaps you're right, child," said the cook. " The very last hordible words poor Tur " "There, that's out," interrupted Mrs. Mapes, and she laid down the pen. " Go on, if you please, 'm, said Mrs. Turnover. " That's all." " Why, bless me ! what's gone of the letter ?" ejaculated Mrs. Turnover, looking at the document in some dismay. " There's nothing left but * ' yours to command,' the name, and the hair," said Mrs. Mapes. There was a subdued giggle in the assembly at this unexpected result of their labours, but Mrs. Mapes, who was becoming sleepy, comforted them with the assurance that nothing in the world could be better than what still remained. The hair, and the "yours to command," at once announced that the offer was accepted, and that Mrs. Turnover purposed to be a dutiful spouse. This appearing satisfactory, thanks were presented to Mrs. Mapes for her " able conduct in the chair," and the council separated to their respective apartments, leaving Gosling Graize under the guardianship of the ever-wakeful ancestors, who frowned and smirked below.