HAVE YOU HEARD THIS ONE?

Hawera Star, Volume LIV, 9 March 1935, Page 8

HAVE YOU HEARD THIS ONE?

Proprietor of mountain hotel: “This is yorrr room, sir. If you want a fine view over the mountains, put a franc in the slot and the shutters open for five minutes. * * * * * An Aberdeenshire farmer had part of his premises burnt. In due course he went to Aberdeen to collect the money. The insurance manager said his company had the alternative of either paying the farmer the money to rebuild the barns or replacing them, and he had decided to replace them. The farmer said: “Ah, weel, if that is the way ye dae business, cancel the insurance policy o’ my wife.” ***** Pugilist (coming to after knockout): So he’s the new champion now? Second : Not ’im. ’Ei’s been beaten twice since ’c knocked you aht. *'* * * * Mother thought Doris was too old to believe in fairies any longer, so sho broke it to her gently, that it was only fiction. Doris thought this over very gravely for a few minutes, an I then demanded, “And what other untruths have you told me ?

Georgia Lawyer (to a coloured prisoner): “Well, ltastus, so you want me to defend you ? Have you any money?” Ilastus: “No. sub, I hain’t got no money, but I got 1922 model Fo’d cah.” Lawyer: “Well, you can raise some money on that. Now let’s see—just what do they accuse you of stealing?” Rastus: “A 1922 Fo’d cah.” . * * ~ * Charitable Lady: Hero is a shilling for yon. It must be terrible to be lame, but I think it must, be worse to be blind. Beggar: You’re right, m’am. When I was blind, people w-as always handin’ me counterfeit money. * * * * * Neighbour: “Where is your brother, Freddie?” i r'reddie: “He’s in the house playing a duet. I finished first.”

A Scottish horseman went to a sad-1 dler’s shop and asked for a single [ spur. ! “But why only one spur?” asked the j puzzled saddler. ) “Well,” replied Sandy, “if I cant get one side of the horse to go, t’other will hae to come wi’ it.” * * * * * “Nature,” explained the lecturer, “always tries to make compensation. For instance, if a man loses an eye, the sight of the other becomes strongs er, and if he goes deaf in one ear, the hearing of the other becomes acuter, and so on.” “Sure,” said Pat to his_ neighbour, “an’ Oi believe lie’s right, for Oi’ve noticed than when a man has a short] log the other is always longer.” ****** She was trying to get the last word, following one of their domestic quarrels. “Yes, and there was a time when you always called me ‘Pmsy’; now it’s just plain ‘Mrs if I were the merest stranger to you.” Hubby shrugged his shoulders. “I’ve since found out my mistake.” he replied. shut up at night; you never do.”